Hermosa

.1

5.5.19

Mayas pov

Music beaming everywhere. Lights shining everywhere. Smell of cologne from men, perfume of women. Body's grinding as they dance. The smell of sweatness. Everything was a distraction from reality.

Exactly what I needed.

A distraction from reality.

I head over to the bar as Jessica followed from behind. Jessica is my girlfriend. Been with her for awhile now, I think we're about to make a year in a month or two. Yeah, a year..

I wonder how she's doing.
I wonder if she still lo-

"Bebe let's go?" I look to my side as I blink getting back to what's happening. Once I catch my focus I nod.

"Sure herm-" I paused not wanting to say that word.
"Sure baby" I stand up handing my hand out to grab hers. Once I do, I lead us out pushing against the crowd towards the exit.

We head out towards valet parking and we wait for her car. She's the one who invited so we came in hers. Once it got here we both get on. I, on the passenger side and she's on the driver seat.

I lean my head against the window as I look out at the semi what traffic there is. Looking at all the lights of the car, reminding me of the lights from the club, flashing everywhere, dizzying you.

"What's wrong?" We paused at the light. I look over and raise a brow.

"Wrong? Theirs nothing wrong baby" I smile and lean into kissing her cheek.

"Sure bebe?" I nod smiling once more.

Minutes later , she pulls up to my place. I kiss her a goodbye and get off heading inside. I enter seeing Ricardo at the kitchen island looking through his phone.

"Ms.Maya, back so early?" He puts his phone down and stands up towards me.

I head over to the couch letting myself fall onto it. I feel like shit. "She wanted to leave." I semi shrug what i could since I'm not in the most comfortable position.

"I miss her.." I let out. At this point I don't know if I'm drunk, sad, numb, or heartless.

"Don't you miss her Ricardo?" I sigh sitting myself up in a comfortable position.

"I truly do Maya. She actually brought happiness here. But you have your company to run. Plus the other things you do on the low. I don't know if you recall but when you were with her you were getting soft, too sure that nothing wouldn't happen to her and it did." He shook his head softly.

"I'm sorry maya, I didn't mean to bring that up. But I truly do miss her too." He stood up heading upstairs to his bedroom.

I stay there seated not knowing what to do anymore. My phone buzzed from a notification. Hopping it would be her, I quickly grab it noticing it was from Jess.

Jess
Goodnight bebe, love you <3
Me
Gn bby.

She makes me happy. If she didn't I wouldn't be with her at all. We've been together for 10-11 months but not once did I ever talk to her about if she wants to move in with me. I don't see the point in it tho. Do I truly want her here with me?

If I never wanted her I would've ended things. I never said I love you I towards her. After things with Ad- her , I never said that to anyone really anymore.

I snap outta my thoughts noticing that I'm now in the kitchen. I grab a glass of milk and two white chocolate chipped cookies. I sit at the island and start to semi dip my cookie in the milk.

"I want to text her so bad.." I squint my eyes hard and the look down noticing I crumbled up my cookie in the palm of my hand.

I sigh cleaning up the mess. I then just drink the glass of milk and put the good cookie away. I head up to my room heading to my bathroom. I jump in the shower standing right infront of the shower head.

I place my head against the wall in front of me as the water flows down my body. I'm heating up, getting tense. I clutch my fist as I start to take in deep breaths to calm down.

"Mmmm , hoooo"  I breath in and out.

Once I get myself calm I then proceed my shower. When I finish I head to my room and change into some basketball shirts and a plain t-shirt.

I lay in bed as I use my phone in the darkness. I try to distract myself from all these thoughts and watch some basketball videos , Jeffery springer, conspiracy theories, etc.

My hands start to get sweaty as I hold my phone watching the videos. I'm worried, I can't sleep, I feel like shit.

I sit up and walk over to my desk turning on a lamp. I pull out a notebook and start to write in it.

5.5.18.                                                 Sunday. 12:51am.
I can't sleep at all. I'm tired as hell , but I can't sleep. I'm overthinking too much at the moment. I want to talk to her but I know I shouldn't. I'm thinking about the what if's. I'm thinking about if I should stay with Jess. I mean that girl whoa she's amazing. Truly sweet. She truly loves me. I just don't know if I love her.

I don't say her name anymore. I don't say any nicknames I would give her to Jess. Jess calls me all kind of nicknames but I simply stick with Baby.

Maybe I'm meant to stay with Jess you know. She never done anything wrong. It's me. I'm overthinking about what if's.

I mean what if I meet her again and fall in love with her , again? Not again because i still love her, i think. I don't know if I love her or i don't. I just know that I'm not done with her.

Dear You,
Im truly sorry I messed us up. If I could go back to the way beginning from where we met, at a party. I would've never talked to you. I brought you harm in your life. I have putten your life at risk. Not only by other people but I myself have brought harm to you. I hurt you so many times. It hurts me still that I did that to you. Just know that if I could've known this would've happened by being with you, i would've never have talked to you and make you into my girlfriend. You don't deserve this kind of life I brought you.

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FIRST CHAPTER !!! Ahhh what do you guys think about it ?? VOTE AND COMMENT !