Sweet Sensations

01.1 / skeletons

Zeicel Forbes

She clasped her hands tightly at the top of her chest as she closed her eyes and started whispering a prayer before meal, "Bless us O Lord and this thy gifts which are about to receive—"

"–from thy bounty through Christ our Lord," she peeked through her lashes and saw her dear Mother continued from what she's saying like it was just some memorised prose, not an actual prayer.

She wanted to frown and shook her head in disgrace but she knew better so she chose to shove her thoughts away before it gets worse.

"Amen," Zei whispered softly.

Without a word, she picked the utensils up from the plate and quietly savour the food into her mouth, with full of class and caution.

Well, she wouldn't want to hear her parents with an endless banter of how her daughter should be sophisticated and uptight at all times.

At the age of 8, she learned how to not smile and laugh when it's not needed. She learned how to sit, talk, eat and act like a grown woman in-front of a crowd and even her beloved gracious parents.

Clearly, at that age, she learned how not to act like her own age.

"How's your day been, Zeicel?"

A pain prickled into her chest, it was like someone was shooting daggers towards her heart, making her squirm under the scrutinising gaze of her dearest mother.

Here we go again...

She presented a tight lipped formal smile as she responded to the most cruel monster (mother) she ever met, "Great and so fine, Ma'am."

"Care to elaborate?"

"I aced all of my examinations. My team and I won the district debate competition and now we're preparing through regionals."

"Great it is," Elisa, her mother said with fake enthusiasm. "but not really."

I know because it's crystal clear that you will never be satisfied and contented of what I can do as your daughter, Mom. Never.

"Still not enough, Zeicel. You should participate more in extra co-curricular activities or just volunteer as a lector at a church adjacent to your alma mater because right after your graduation, you will be moving at a convent."

She struggled not to break down in-front of her parents. She slightly bowed her head while fixing the napkin at the top of her lap as she was trying to remain unfazed at the situation.

She mustered all the courage by lifting up a glass filled with champagne to her mouth and before drinking, she replied curtly, "I will. Thank you."

Becoming a nun is way too impossible for me but of course, I will not say this out loud. Or I will never taste the life I can't have without you guys knowing.

Zei held the bottle of champagne and poured an equal amount to her parents as they finished their somber dinner.

"We give you thanks–" a prayer after meal has always been an indication for her that the dinner is finally over.

Thank goodness.

"Amen."

Elisa was about to open another discussion but Zeicel spoke too soon, "Ma'am, I will now go upstairs to do my homework and continue reading the bible 'til I fall asleep."

She saw how her Mother raised her well-shaved eyebrows on fleek and studied her enough to see right through her soul.

Don't worry, Eli. You cannot see anything because my soul is mirroring to yours.

Too dark.

"Alright. Off you go."

Zeicel nodded and began to saunter towards her room. If someone could see her walk, it was like she has a stick digging on her back; too straight and stiff. Her steps isn't also normal like any other humans out there, even old grannies with a cane can win the race.

As soon as she shut the door behind her, a heavy sigh was released. Zei forcefully slumped her body on the bed and closed her eyes.

Darkness enveloped her, but the madness still reigned.

She will always feel the invisible chains on her neck tightens everytime she tries to break free. It was suffocating and choking her to misery.

She wanted to scream out loud to kill the frustrations inside her chest. It is really hard to pretend that everything is fine even if something's slowly burning inside; making her numb all throughout.

A small sob escaped as tears streamed down her face.

"I'm so tired..."

And the night fell into a deep slumber while listening to the poor girl weep in deafening silence.

Have you ever experienced crying without making a single sound?

It was the worst thing Zei hated so much, because realisations hits her... No one cared. No one will care.

No one will ever hear her cries but the leering moon seeping through the window curtains.

Darkness were also present in her muted tears of sorrow, it was the things embraces her everytime she cower away and withdraw herself from those cruel people in her life; sucking all the light she carried, taking all the hopes down to the dirt, making her seize the love and hate towards the life she's living ever since she was a kid.

Darkness has been her comfort since then as the moon also paved it's way to help her see the light.

Rays of new hopes, taught her real good deceptive life lessons and a wretched perception.