Poem of Mine

23|After you.

After you,
I promised myself to never be so blinded by love to not be able to see the truth.
I have felt love in the times that followed,
But I've been far so away from actually being in love.
It's the hypocrisy that I've been living,
And honestly, I do not know if it is for the best, or the worst.
I can't seem to make up my mind.
And still when it comes to you, it is so fucking hard to come in terms with it.
I know at a point I didn't want to be acquainted with the same.
But today, where I stand,
I don't have it in me to love somebody like I did you.
For me, that's the real issue.
I just want to love again, the way I did you.
I don't hate you,
But maybe when it comes to this,
I despise you for my incapability to love the way I once did.
But then again,
How can I blame you when all along I've been the actual fool.
And for you,
You had your reasons too,
And knowing the same, I honestly don't blame you.
But somehow, love you even more.
Ever since knowing the truth,
I haven't been in love in the same way.
But in the bigger picture,
It is overall the purest form of love that I am capable to give everyone that I meet today.
And for that,
I am very grateful.
Even when it weights out my personal happiness,
I am still happy at the end of the day.
So, thankyou.
Thankyou for changing me in a way that I have no idea how to deal with on a personal level, till date.

So tormenting and so empowering at the same time.
So scary to live this reality.
Yet again, weirdly peaceful nonetheless.

05|08|2019.