So I was just chilling in the soul stone world with my goats and then fucking Harry Potter starts walking towards me. Why is the wizard even here? Why can't he just say a spell and get us the fuck outta here?
"Harry, my man" I said as he came over.
"I don't know how many times I've told you my names isn't Harry it's Steven" he said annoyed.
"Sure it is Harry" I said. "Anyway what do you want?" I asked.
"It's been 5 years, we need to go" he answered.
"WHAT THE FUCK ITS BEEN 5 YEARS?!" I exclaimed.
"Yeah lets go" he said and did the fucking thing and opened his portal thing.
"You couldn't have done that, day mange 5 YEARS AGO?!" I ask.
"No" he answered.
Alrighty then. Anyway, apparently there was a lot more people in that stone than I thought because there's like a million portal things. I look around for Steve and I see him but I don't think he saw me.
So we like fight and shit and now Thanos gets disintegrated. My goats helped in the fight, turns out a goat can rip someone's arm off, who knew? You know I'm really starting to realize a gun and a metal arm isn't helping much against these fucking aliens. Whatever glad we don't have to deal with them anymore.
So I'm looking around for Steve and I can't find him so I call his name a few times. He didn't answer but Steve the goat did.
"Not you Steve, I mean other Steve with the good ass" I said and patted his head.
So turns out Tony Stank got killed and there's now a flying girl? Where did she come from? I guess they're having a funeral for Tony Stank and I should probably go. At least it wasn't me that killed him.
• • •
So we had Stank's funeral it was kinda sad. Also turns out Natasha died too and they didn't even have a funeral for her? Damn he deserves better (just like I deserve more screen time).
Now Steve has to return the soul stones and everything else we stole from the past.
"Don't do anything stupid till I get back" he said.
"How can I? You're taking all the stupid with you" I said and hugged him.
He stepped onto the platform thing and went back in the past. Then the idiot passed the time he was supposed to come back. Turns out he spent his life with Peggy and is now old. I thought he was my husband but I guess we're on different pages here.
So now we have old Steve and he and Sam were talking and I was about to go say wtf are you doing buddy and then he gave Sam his shield. Betrayal at its finest I would say.
"Hi I'm just gonna step in here" I said. "So uh you've know Sam for like 10 years and me for more than 100 and you give it to him?" I asked.
Then both Russo's decided to pop in and say "Bucky fuck off we gave you 2 minutes and 15 seconds of screen time in this movie so stop. Also you're to mentally unstable to carry a shield" they said.
"Unstable? Have you seen Steve?" I asked.
They told me to fuck off again and then Natasha came down from the sky with one of her electroshock stick thingys and shocked the shit out of them.
"Thanks" I said to her.
"Yeah no problem" she said and started disappearing back into the sky.
After that I walked away and grabbed my goats. We're going to go and live our lives by ourselves in the country with the country folk.
• • •
(One year later)
Alright so I'm chilling with Steve the goat and Sam the goat. Life is so much simpler here, it's just me and my goats. I like to take them on walks and we occasionally go see movies together. I'm pretty sure human good ass Steve is dead but no one told me.
I'm just sitting in my house when I hear a knock at my door. It's probably my neighbour looking for her cow again, the damned thing keeps getting loose.
When I open the door I see T'Challa.
"Nope I'm not fighting" I say and close the door.
"I didn't come here to tell you to fight anyone" he replied and pushed my door back open.
"Alright what do you want kittyman?" I asked.
"I just came to check up on you" he answered.
"I'm fine I've just been chilling with my goats" I replied.
"Alright that's good, guess I'll go now" T'Challa said.
"Alright bye?" I said and closed the door.
That was weird.
From that day on I lived happily ever after with my goats. I don't need no man in my life I'm a strong, independent Bucky. But yeah I think that's abo- "AGHHHHH"
"SAM SHUT THE FUCK UP IM TRYING TO MAKE MY ENDING MONOLOGUE" I yelled at Sam the goat.
As I was saying that's about it. No Hydra guys have come to attack me yet so I think I'm pretty safe here. So yeah, this is the end.
(A/N) Hey bros thanks for all the reads on this crackhead ass story. Pretty sure this is the last part cuz they don't give Bucky any screen time. Anyway thanks for reading and remember #rightsforbucky
