••Shawn Mendes Imagines••

27:I'm Honestly, M̶i̶s̶e̶r̶a̶b̶l̶e̶ Fine

Shawn's POV
•••
I sat.
No words have been spoken for the last 15 minutes.
I don't care.
It doesn't bother me at all.
Tears could flood the room.
They held their tissues to the corners of their eyes, letting the wetness absorb into them.
I'm not going to do that.
It's a happy day.
A happy day of remembrance, to be exact.
Y/n's funeral.
"Now, let us hear from one of the closest people in this young girl's life. Shawn?" The preacher announces.
I smile, nod my head, and stumble up the sharp steps.
I stand.
No words have been spoken for the last 30 seconds.
I don't care.
It doesn't bother me at all.
She made me swear I wouldn't cry. I'm going to keep that swear even if it kills me.
"Hey, well.. for many of you.. this is a tragic day. But for me, second best day of my life." I speak alloud into the podium microphone.
Just that sentence alone brought the audience's faces to immediate concern.
"The first? Meeting her, obviously. Believe me, it's a happy day! Look outside! There's a bright sun in the sky and a rainbow! That can show all of you that y/n is still here!"
She's still here..
"She loved rainbows.." I speak quietly.
My chest began breaking apart.
I can't stop thinking about everything she would do with a rainbow.
She'd take photos.
She'd force me in the car and drive all day, looking for the end of it.
She'd count the colours.
She'd draw it.
It's a happy day.
A happy day of remembrance, to be exact.
So why does it hurt so fucking much?
I'm actually  f̶i̶n̶e̶ miserable.
"I miss her.. but I said I wouldn't cry.."
Letting go is hard.. but keeping a promise, a swear, is almost impossible when you actually felt love, never told them that, and now you'll never get to.
"It's a sad day." I say as a tear slips my eye.
I glance over at the caskate that held her perfection.
Just sleeping.
"I'm sorry, y/n.." I whisper to her.
Watching my tear hit the floor.
"I'm honestly, miserable."