Out from behind the door came the most holy man known to man kind , Edgy! He looked down at Satan curiously .
"What is it bitch?" He said , acting all high and mighty , which he was .
"Sir Edgy , I've come to ask for your help in saving my mother ,Donkey" Satan replies , kneeling down to the messiah .
"What shall I get in return ?" Edgy Asked .
Satan hadn't thought this far ahead . He assumed once Edgy seen his green , watermelon shaped, head he would close the door in his face immediately.
"Anything you want, Sir Edgy" Satan said back hoping that it was enough .
Edgy looked at Satan pitifully . He went closer to Shrek an whispered in his ear ...
"Ok , I'll do it , but we have to be home by 9 or my mah will beat me to death with he crusty ass slipper".
Satan was overjoyed by this and knelt down to Edgy's feet and started kissing them as a sign on gratefulness . Edgy kicked Satan off and whistled . Soon a beautiful winged horse came moonwalking out from the shadows .
"This is my sexy ass noble steed" Edgy announced .
" HEE HEE" said the horse .
" stop flirting you !" Edgy said blushing .
Satan was confused but also excited because he finally got to ride something that wasn't a dick .
Finally they set off on their journey . Satan was clinging to Edgy tightly and it kinda turned Edgy on .
~~~~~ Time skip ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Eventually, after a long ride, they made it . In front of them stood a large barn that appeared to be very old and unloved , much like Satan . Satan was the first to approach the barn . He walked up to the large door of the barn , before opening it he looked back at Edgy. He sighed . With a single tap the door of the barn swung open and Satan took a step backwards , making sure everyone looked ok , he made his way inside .
The barn was definitely centuries old and seemed to be falling apart bit by bit . It looked like the perfect place to keep a hostage you've just kidnapped to prove a point .
Satan heard muffled screams and yelps for help . It sounded exactly like Donkey.
"Look over there!" Edgy said while pointing to Donkey who had been tied up to a chair with a gag in his mouth.
"MOM!" Satan said while making his way to his mother . Edgy could sense something was wrong , he just knew it .
Satan tried to untie his mother but failed as it was knotted in a Crucifix shape .. somehow .
Then out of no where there was yelling coming from outside . It sounded like a little bitch boy screeching about Jesus and Christianity and then there he was . He bust open the door and walked in dragging sinners behind him . When he seen Satan, Edgy and the horse he dropped the sinners and drank some holy water .
Everyone stood there in silence while they all looked at each other .
After about 30 minutes of silence Bill decided to speak.
"APOLOGISE SINNER!" He said while having a shit fit .
Edgy went on to do his own thing in the corner with the horse while Satan handled Bill.
"For what ? And give back my mother!" Replied Satan .
"You hurt my feeling so I won't give back your mother until you've apologised !" Bill screeched.
"Fine I'm sorry ! Now give back my mother" yelled Satan.
" Ok... but first you have to convert to Christianity" Said Bill holding a bible and holy water.
"Ew no bitch" replied Satan .
"REEEEEEEEEEE WAT DID U SAY!! JESUS DON'T LIKE THAT LANGUAGE!!!" Bill screeched while he clawed his eyes out .
Satan shat himself .
"REEEEE IM GONNA HAVE TO CLEANSE YOU OF SIN NOW !! REEEE" Bill looked redder than a red dick .
Satan shat himself ... again.
Suddenly Bill charged at Satan and tackled him . They rolled on the floor fighting as Satan's shit was being smeared everywhere . They didn't notice that Edgy , while they were distracted , had set Donkey free .
Donkey immediately ran to Bill and said "DIE MOTHER FUCKER!" And bit off Bill's head .
"Mum what the fuck" Satan asked as he tried cleaning off some of his shit .
"I'm sorry you had to see that son" replied Donkey.
They both laughed and Edgy and the horse both joined in . Now only one person was missing .. Shrek !
Suddenly a mighty green angel fell from the heavens . The room filled with the scent of onions . Both Satan and Donkey she's many tears because it was a beautiful moment and because the onion fumes were burning their nostrils and eyes . Shrek landed peacefully on the ground and ran to his family , engulfing then in a big hug .
"Donkey! My love !" Shrek yelled, " Satan! My boy !"
Edgy didn't want to ruin the moment so he left quietly out the back.
"Goodbye my friends .. I'll always remember you" and with that he was gone , never to be seen or heard from again...
The embrace ended and with that they all decided it was time to go home . Shrek whistled and a fucking huge ass duck flopped down and quacked at them .
"Hop on !" Shrek said with a smirk .
And so they did . The duck flew them home to their lovely little house that they all loved so dearly .
After that day they are the duck and made duck rolls out of it . It tasted like shit but at least it was free .
Satan was happy to be home but only one person was on his mind at this moment ...
"I have to go !" And with that Satan was out the door and Shrek and Donkey we're back to the baby making .
Satan ran as fast as his chubby little legs could carry him . He reached his destination , a house , he knocked the door and out came ... Shithead !
He pulled her into a tight hug and whispered in her ear " I love you .."
He then got down on one knee and pulled out a ring . The ring was gorgeous , it had to be the most beautiful ring to ever grace the universe .
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" Omg!! YES!!!" Shithead said while jumping into Satan's arms .
~~~~~~~~~~~~5 Years later~~~~~~
Satan and Shithead now had some vile ogre babies of their own . One named Plug one named Socket and the last one was called Jarrod .
Satan was happy and so were Shrek and Donkey .
They finally had a happy ending and for once it stayed that way .
