All Gone Wrong

Chapter Six

It’s been 5 days since Jerome sent the picture of me and Mitch sleeping to our friends. They were all talking about it to each other, so at that point all of our friends knew. I didn’t care, though. It’s not like they would ever find us cuddling again (to my disappointment).

It seemed like Mitch completely forgot that he asked me out on a date. I wasn’t going to remind him, seeing as I took it that he didn’t care about it. It didn’t matter much to me, so I didn’t make a big deal. Who am I kidding? I care. A lot. If it makes me feel like I’m slowly dying and it’s the only thing on my mind does that mean I care? Probably.

It really did hurt. Every single romance trouble I’ve had in the past added together didn’t compare to this. I don’t even understand it. Just a few days ago I was wondering whether or not if I actually liked Mitch because I liked him, and now he’s all I can think about.

I’ve locked myself in my room, refusing to leave my room with the exception of getting food once or twice a day. Mitch and Jerome haven’t gotten suspicious or anything because that’s basically a day in the life for us. They’d be recording and I’d be playing Dota or something. But I wasn’t doing either now.

I tried to record to get my mind off of things, but Mitch only got in the way. I’d never be able to focus during anything, so I spent the majority of my time trying to think of ways to get him off my mind. Obviously, that’s just thinking about him more. So basically I’m stuck in a never ending loop of thoughts about Mitchell Hughes. It’s kinda like a fangirl obsession to a whole new and extreme level to be completely honest.

I was just sitting in my room screaming at myself in my head to try and make the heartache go away, like always, when I heard talking in front of my door. Through the door, I overheard Mitch and Jerome talking. Yeah, whatever, it’s rude to eavesdrop. It was important for me to know though. They were talking about Jerome moving in.

“Come on Jerome! You’re telling Mat now or else you won’t get to move in at all,” Mitch said, almost in a threatening tone.

“But Mat probably doesn’t want me to be living in the same house as you two! I’d be… intruding the system or something!” Jerome argued.

“He’ll understand, stop stressing out. Mat’s our friend too,” Mitch assured Jerome.

I felt jealous of Jerome, knowing that Mitch’s full attention was now on making Jerome feel better. It’s so selfish and so immature, but I couldn’t bring myself to just accept that Mitch was never mine. I have no right to, echoed through my head. And it’s been 5 days. I’m just too much of a drama queen. Notice the extremely bitter tone.

“I know that. I know that Mat is more thoughtful than most of us, but… I don’t know. I guess I don’t want to get in between you two,” Jerome said. The last part was almost inaudible.

“Get in between what? You moving in is no different than when he moved in,” Mitch said.

That stung. He said he liked me. And I told him I loved him back. But I guess it was probably the same deal as when I still liked Rob. I’m over Rob, and he’s over me. Great timing.

“You really think so? But what about you two cuddling? That didn’t mean anything to you?” Jerome asked, speaking my thoughts. I didn’t quite want the answer though.  I knew I’d get an answer I didn’t want.

“The thought meant a lot until it actually happened. I’ll admit that I was really glad he like me back, but now  I can’t bring myself to think of him that way anymore. I asked if he wanted to go on a date before I was thinking, and he hasn’t said anything so my only assumptions is that he doesn’t care. It doesn’t even matter though, I’ve kinda moved on,” Mitch answered.

My breathing stopped. I knew that his answer would be like that, but I wasn’t ready for it. He moved on the moment I’d moved onto him. I tried to hold back my tears again. They’d be able to hear my sniffling through the door. I needed to stop crying about this. None of it mattered. I didn’t need romance to be happy. I didn’t need Mitch in my life; I didn’t need any of this. But first I needed to stop lying to myself.

“How do you know that Mat doesn’t care from him simply not talking about it? How do you know it’s not just both of you being afraid to say anything? Or you feeling guilty because you’d make him go through two heartbreaks in a single week?” Jerome said.

I shoved my face into my pillow to try to muffle my crying. Mitch shouldn’t be stressing about possibly putting me through two heartbreaks because he’s already put me through the equivalent of a thousand, I thought bitterly.

“Are you trying to pry it out of me? I told you I’ve moved on and now you want me to tell you who I’ve moved onto,” Mitch scoffed, mock offended.

“What? That’s not what I was doing at all! I actually want to know why you went from crushing on Mat for years to just thinking of him as a friend the moment he starts liking you back,” Jerome defended.

“I don’t think he actually likes me back. He was just lonely when he found out he had no chance with his crush. I can’t blame him, but I can’t say that it didn’t hurt when I realized this,” Mitch said.

“You know what? Why don’t we just do what we came here for,” Jerome mumbled.

I freaked out. There was nothing I could do to stop them from coming in. If I told them not to come in, then they’d know I was listening. I couldn’t pretend to be sleeping because I was in normal clothes and unless I acted like I was having a nightmare it wouldn’t be convincing. But if I had a “nightmare” they’d wake me up. No matter what I’d do, they’d know I was crying. And they didn’t knock.

“Hey Mat?” Jerome called, opening the door. I kept my face stuffed into my pillow.

“Oh my gosh, Mat. Are you okay?” Mitch asked. I could feel him sit next to me on the bed. I still didn’t answer.

“Mat, just answer us please,” Jerome said.

“What?” I asked angrily, my voice muffled by my pillow.

“What’s wrong?” Mitch asked softly. I didn’t want to answer. I couldn’t come up with one.

“Nothing, I’m just on my man-period,” I replied sarcastically. I heard both of them try not to laugh. I didn’t know how I didn’t laugh or where that came from, but I’d have to remember that one.

“Oh, I guess now isn’t the time to ask you if I could move in then, is it?” Jerome said hesitantly.

“What does that mean?” I asked.

“Well, I thought that your answer would be affected by your mood, and then-“ Jerome started, talking at 1000 miles per hour.

“Why would I ever say no? You’re one of my best friends, it would be awesome to live with another friend,” I said, trying to sound happy when there were still tears dripping down my face. They still couldn’t see how much I was crying.

“You really think so?” he said.

“Yeah.” I’m pretty sure Mitch likes you and that you like him, go for it. You deserve him way more than I do, I added in my head. I let my people-pleaser side show on top of everything I was thinking. It didn’t matter that I wasn’t getting what I want, it matters that other people are getting what they want.

I still couldn’t get over how that was the second time I had to tell myself that in less than a week.