Long Lost and Refound - A Zayn Malik Story

Chapter 5

Chapter 5 - Long Lost and Refound

Avery's POV

I sat on the corner of my bed, trying to work through my math problems. Although I did need to pull my grades up to prevent another visit from my father, I also needed to pull them up to get a scholarship. Without the scholarship, I would never be able to leave this town.

In our small town, people needed big chances. So, our local sports teams, school boards, drama programs, and art programs gave out scholarships to seniors. I was still a junior, but obviously they don't only look at your senior year.

The numbers blurred once again and I groaned, dropping my pencil. I buried my face in my hands and leaned back against the headboard. I sighed and dropped my hands, crossing my arms. I stared at the ceiling and my thoughts wandered. Most specifically to a certain boy around the corner and a couple of houses down.

I knew that by ignoring him I was just drawing his attention to the situation. Not to mention the fact that it was extremely childish. I just didn't have the guts to face him. If he started asking questions, if he started coming over, if dad hurt him... I couldn't risk it.

I'd be fine. I'd gotten by without friends for so long, I can go another year and a half.

There was this voice, though, a tiny voice. It was knocking on my skull and screaming in it's high-pitched voice. It was telling me that I liked the feeling of having a friend. Even if we'd only known each other for half a week. That voice scratched and poked and kicked the inside of my head, demanding to be heard. I just pushed it back down. That voice was like a little kid; it just looked at what it wanted. It had no idea what it would cost to get that.

I suddenly started feeling anxious. I sat up and looked around the room, my hands getting clammy. My legs started itching and I instantly knew what I needed.

I hopped off of the bed and lifted the side of the mattress with weak hands. I saw that glint of metal and fished it out, dropping the mattress. I held the blade in my clammy palm and closed my fingers around it. I grabbed my phone, tissue box and flashlight from my side table and shut myself in my closet, somehow shutting the closet doors. I slid down the wall inside onto the ground, fitting myself into a corner. I turned on the flashlight and pulled down the top of my sweatpants to my knees. I held the light to my thighs where there were scars from last month. I hadn't done this in a month. I'd been so strong.

I held the blade to a fresh piece of skin on my thigh with trembling fingers. I adjusted the flashlight so I could see the spot clearly. I bit my lip and pressed it down and across sharply. A gasp escaped my lips and i stuffed my knuckles into my mouth, biting down hard. Tears broke from my eyes and I pressed my back into the wall. I tasted blood.

I didn't stop looking at the spot where I made the cut. It wasn't even that deep. Beads of blood oozed out of it and gathered. I pulled my fist from my mouth and pulled a bunch of tissues from the box, pressing it to my cut. I took the blade and pressed its tip into my skin, creating a jagged gash. I bit my lip hard and let the tears fall. A couple fell into my cut, making it sting.

I made three more cuts, each deeper and more jagged than the first, before wiping it all down. I pressed the tissues to my cuts, watching them soak up the blood. I dumped them into the small garbage can in the corner of the closet. I turned off the flashlight and pulled my sweatpants up, slumping against the wall. The clothes fell in my face.

A thought flitted through my mind. If God saw my town right now, he'd be able to see into every single house. In other houses, he'd be able to see families laughing, girls watching movies, couples kissing and dancing. When he sees me, he'd see the tiniest, weakest soul huddled in the corner of her closet. He should help me, but he just keeps watching.