Forever over

One

(Crow in the picture)

The whole thing felt like a slap to the face to me. Like Fortuna had just looked down on us, noticed she was bored, seen me and thought: "Well, fuck it, I'm gonna screw you over, Crow." Like Satan himself had decided to forward my time in hell and started to torture me even before I was dead. Like Loki and Amor had joined forces in making me the victim in their incredibly cruel pranks. Then again, perhaps it was quite arrogant to think they'd spent their time with me like that.

Sighing I turned around again, burying my nose further into the pillow I was holding in my arms. The soft smell was both a poison and a drug for my heart. I loved the smell and the association to it. But I hated that it was fading and what that meant.

Of cause I had known that it was very much possible for things to turn out this way, with me laying here alone and heartbroken. It was a chance I had been willing to take. But still, I had hoped. And even if I hadn't, that wouldn't have lessened my pain. Only time would be able to do that, if anything. And the circumstances weren't helping either.

With another sigh I turned to lay on my back, starting at the ceiling as I recalled how they had been standing there. Happy. Lovingly. Hopelessly lost in each other. People applauding them. Forgetting me completely. To be fair, it had been a very special occasion which I simply didn't have anything to do with. Not anymore. And that was okay. I had been prepared for it. But why her? As if it wasn't bad enough that it was a girl, it had to be her out of every girl around?

My eyes fell on the alarm next to me. Great. Another sleepless night. I once heard that after three days without sleep one would start to hallucinate. Well, good thing I had napped yesterday, though it hadn't been all too much. Did that count? Did approximately two hours in three days count? Guess I would find out soon. After all, I had to get up in ten...

Nine...

Eight...

Seven...

Six...

Five...

Four...

Three...

Two...

And...

"I was always right in front of you.
So wake up
Your sleeping heart.
I know sometim-"

My alarm couldn't play the song further before I turned it off. I didn't even like the song, but he had just said it was fitting for an alarm and that it would help me get up in the morning if I really wanted to turn it off. Well, that and to shut up because it supposedly was a good song. I dunno. To be honest I never really listened to more than to the refrain that was now depriving me of my precious sleep. If I wouldn't already have been awake, that is.

I would change it, I decided as I stood up and walked into my bathroom. The hot water in the shower helped, but I still wasn't fully awake when I staggered into the common area and purred myself a cup of coffee. As usual, I was one of the last to get there. Only two people were still missing, and as much as I liked them I didn't really want to see them right now. So... Yeah.

It was about my third cup of black liquid caffeine when someone first dared talking to me. Per usual this only happened when he was here, but I guess things were bound to be different now. "So... Crow.", Flynn started. He was Ice's closest friend, not counting me, so I wasn't too surprised that he was the one talking. I only made an acknowledging sound though, because I really needed my coffee. "We were all wondering... How are you doing?", he hesitantly asked.

I paused, ignoring the ironically fitting song I immediately thought of at the back of my mind. How you doing? Well I'm doing just fine, I lied, I'm dying inside... I could feel all eyes on me, which I really didn't appreciate. There was no sound. Everyone was holding their breath. And I really, really didn't want to think about it. So I decided to simply pretend that I didn't know what he was talking about. "Flynn?", I asked in a deadly calm manor, which everyone was quite aware wasn't good. He gulped and nodded, so I continued: "Be honest with me, did you accidentally let your cats free in my room?"

A short, confused pause followed, before he stuttered: "U-Uhm... No?" "Good. Because last time you asked me how I was doing, you did just that. And I don't wanna relive it. So? What did you do, then?", I asked casually, though Flynn winced as I mentioned the incident. He absolutely hated it, which only made things more interesting for me. And it served as a little secret revenge for asking. Seriously, what do you guys think how I am? Geez...

"Nothing! It's not like that. Really. It's just that... Well... With how things are with Ice and stuff...", Robin, another friend of Ice's, chimed in but trailed of at the end. I looked at him for a moment, before I made an understanding face. "Oh, that. Yeah, that was quite a surprise, huh? I can absolutely see it, though."

Surprise. That was the only thing I saw in their faces. Well, at least I had enough time to finish my coffee and purr another cup. But before I could actually drink it it was snatched from my hands. "Hey!", I exclaimed, turning to Robin. "You've had enough. You're gonna have a heart attack if you keep this up." I stared at him, he stared back. After a few moments I then huffed crossing my arms and growled under my breath: "Asshole." He only laughed at me, which made me glare and the rest of the room shift uncomfortably where they were.

I guess it's not that hard to guess at this point, but most of them were scared of me. After all, everyone knew about the goth guy whose wolf and human sides were fused together. Nothing entirely uncommon, but definitely a special case. Especially because one's instincts were that much harder to control. That didn't mean I was going to kill someone because they angered me, though. And that was what almost no one understood.

Oh. Didn't you know yet? Sorry, I probably should have told you before. We were werewolves and this academy belonged to our pack. I was a delta, but I was closer to our alpha than even his beta, Flynn.

Well, no surprise there. After all, I was his ex. His long time friend who'd been asking so very desperately to be with him, over and over again, until he gave in. Under one condition that I would fulfill now. I wasn't his boyfriend anymore. That place was taken by her now and - hey! - maybe, in time, I would possibly be able to support them with all of my heart one day. They honestly deserved it and, though that made it only harder for me, I wasn't the complete asshole everyone made me out to be. So I would, eventually. Not yet, though. Right now I needed and deserved to quietly drown myself in masked self-pity. Not showing them was enough for now, it had to be. Because I honestly couldn't offer more at the moment.