Shattered (Continuation of: The Chase) ▹ Ashton Irwin

Chapter Fifty

It's been over a week, now. Actually, it's been a week and 2 days, if you want an exact amount of time in which Ashton and I have been broken up. I doubt anyone cares about the exact amount of time, because it really shouldn't matter anymore. What matters now, is the fact that every day it continues to affect the both of us. I can see it in Ashton with everytime I see him from afar that something has definitely changed about him, and it's easy to see that I've changed as well.

So far, nothing good has come out of this. Nothing. There hasn't been a single time where I think, gee, I'm so glad Ashton and I broke up! Because that would be absolutely ridcule. Since Ashton barged into english class last Wednesday, the amount of time I spend thinking about himhas increased a full 100%. It's been doubling up, every night and every day that I find myself in a crying frenzy because I think of how fucked up this is. I keep thinking about my mistakes, my wrongs, my stupidty, yet I have no one to turn to. I wish people would understand, but I don't think anyone would if I told them how I feel. I've become an absolute mess, and it's only been a week and 2 days.

As for Ashton...I don't know whats going on. I really don't. I haven't seen him at all over this weekend, obviously, but the few days he went to school last week gave me so much confusion and worry. He didn't look at me, he didn't talk to me, he never showed up to art...etc. There was no interraction between the two of us, not even us standing 5 feet away from each other. I find myself staring at him whenever I get the chance, but he never looks back. He barely even blinks, really. The only time I've been near him since last week is the two times we've had english together, but those two times his facial expresion never changed. From what I've seen so far, his face remains blank and his eyes stay emotionless. He just stares forward at the teacher. That's it. And even though everyone else is sure as hell looking at him, he takes no notice to it at all. I don't know whats up, but it's making me nervous.

And, now that I was walking to find Jessie so I wouldn't have to be here by myself, it was Monday morning. It was the start of another shit week, and the first period I have this morning is art. I've only had to go to it once since Ashton came back to school, but he wasn't there. He didn't show up. I figured he wasn't going to show up again today, since we sit literally 3 feet across from one another, but part of me hoped that he does. I don't get it; I know he hates me, as he said, but he thinks I hate him too. But I'm still showing up to class and I'm still willing to be in the same room as him. He could at least suck it up, or something. I don't know. It just makes me sad that I don't have any clue of whats on his mind at the moment. I wish I knew what he was thinking. I really do.

I sat down at that lone lunch table near the back of the courtyard, keeping my eyes on the enterance. I was watching and waiting for the appearance of one of two people: Jessie, or Ashton. I know, I know- I really shouldn't be in such a search for him, but I can't help it. I can't stop myself from looking at him all the time.

As my eyes were glued to the enterance, the movement of someone else a little off to the side caught my attention. I didn't even have to fully look to the left a little, because I could already see the newly dyed, bright red hair from the corners of my eyes. My body froze as I saw Michael walking this way. I used to mess around with Michael and not give a damn about what he could possibly think of me, but now I'm terrified. I think I've developed a real fear of him, especially since he's Michael - the guy who is not afraid to say anything.

I don't know why he was walking this way, but I hoped it was for the vending machines behind me. The waterbottles are pretty cheap, actually. And why the hell would he want to talk to me, out of all people?

I stared down at my hands and sat absolutely still. I thought that would help me go unseen by Michael, but I don't see how it would. As he got closer and closer I got scared, though there's nothing he could physically do to me. I mean - there is, but nothing he ever would. I know Michael hates me, but I'm more scared of his words than his physical strength. He strolled right past me, and I heard him humming a song and insterting a few coins into the vending machine behind me. I didn't dare turn around to look at him, for I didn't want to associate myself with him right now. I'm fucking terrified of Michael.