Shattered (Continuation of: The Chase) ▹ Ashton Irwin

Chapter Fifty Three

*Brooke's POV*

I decided to walk to school that Monday morning. There was no point in asking my mom to drive me, because I suspected that she wouldn't want to. Of course, she always offers to drive me so she can be with me and assure me 100 times that I can finally get my own car soon, but even I can see it in her eyes that the last thing he wants to do is sit in a car with me. Who would want to sit in a car with me? All I do now is mope around and keep my mouth shut. I've come to realize that I should've kept my mouth shut a very long time ago, but obviously I did the complete opposite. Many times. I keep telling myself to at least try to make cheerful conversations with people and not be so sad all the time, but everytime I try to fix my feelings I just end up hurting them even more.

It only takes about 10 minutes to get to school if I walk fast enough. I took that time to get some fresh air and kind of think about some things. I think about these "things" every moment of everyday, really, and they all have the same theme. The common theme in my life is Ashton, and has been Ashton since the day I met him. Since the very day I met him (which is now very long ago0, I feel like my life has practically revolved around him. But the problem, is that I didn't realize that it did. I treated my life like everything was revolved around myself, completely excluding him out of everything. I excluded Ashton out of my own thoughts and my own issues that I didn't even knew I had. And pushing him out of that was a very bad mistake. I tell you; I've never met someone as understanding and compassionate as Ashton is. Or, at least he was. I don't know whats up or whats gotten into him recently.

It seems to me that he's over me and moving on. And in all honesty, I think that's a good thing. I mean - of course I don't really want him to move on, but in the back of my head I know that's the best option. I was nothing but a simple mistake of his, as he said to me the night we officially ended everything. And I get it now. That's all I must've been to him. I'm a fucking mess.

Luckily, Jessie was already there and waiting for me at our usual spot when I was finally dragging my feet up the steps to get onto campus. Jessie is yet still my only friend at this point, and sometimes I feel like I'm her only friend as well. She has others, but I've been the only person she's been hanging out with since Ashton and I broke up. I owe a lot to her. She's been a real help to my situation, and I can't thank her enough for helping me and not leaving me completely abandoned by everyone else. Even though I kind of deserve to be abandoned, I'm glad I wasn't.

I spotted Jessie when she waved me over. As I walked in her direction I could sense both Ashton and Michael at thay bench we all used to meet at. I didn't dare look over there, though I could feel that burning in the back of my neck of Michael staring at me as I walked past them. Out of that whole group I used to call my best friends, I'm the most disappointed in how much my friendship with Michael flopped. I would be lying if I said I didn't miss his humor and friendliness, but I mistreated him too much to ever think that he would want to be my friend again. I don't blame him. I don't blame any of them for hating me. Especially Ashton; but that's a whole other story.

"Morning!" Jessie said cheerfully.

"Hey," I greeted. I try to be as happy and bubbly as Jessie tries to be, but this is all holding me back quite a lot.

"I hear we're not doing much in english today," she said. "That's a plus, right?"

"I guess." I shrugged. Jessie sighed and slumped down onto the lunch table.

"I'm just trying to lift your spirits. That's all," she said. "I find that even the smallest things can make someone the last bit excited for the day."

"I'm excited to go to bed tonight," I blurted out, followed by a small chuckle. "I'm sorry I'm so negative."

"It's alright. I understand," Jessie nodded. "This is all very depressing."