Once Upon a Rhyme

Ode to Heartbreak

The photo in my hand angers me more than I can explain.

Your frozen eyes stare back into mine, caught in a silent plea.

I could reach as far as time and space go 

But I would never reach far enough to touch you.

Every day I wake up and I'm faced with the memory that you're gone

and it's so intense that sometimes I figure it would be easier if I just didn't wake up again

People expect me to move on in a year, seven months, four years

But I don't see myself ever forgetting you.

They say it isn't about forgetting, it's about accepting

But I don't want to accept this.

I want to have you back.

Your absence is not just a hole in my heart that no one can see. It's 

a limp in my step

a shake in my hand

a weight on my chest

a quiver in my voice

a fear in my eyes

a buzz in my veins

a quake in my bones

a darkness in my mind.

I wonder if saying goodbye is so hard because I know it's what you wanted.

I wish I could understand how you felt.

I crave to know what echoed so loudly and horribly in your head that you believed death would relieve you of your pain.

So many of your family and friends and my family and friends told me they were sorry for my loss. I didn't tell them, but their condolences only made me delve deeper into my depression. Each time they uttered your name, it was as if they'd torn my heart out and wrung it like a washcloth.

Your sister looks identical to you, and when I see her face, I cry. I hate to admit it, but sometimes I find myself wishing it was her instead of you.

I know that's an awful thing to want, but I've learned that 

heartbreak changes you in awful ways.

-GS