Suicide and love

Sad eyes

I'm laying naked on the bed and when I catch my breath I can finally give her what I had in mind.

I get in top of her so that I'm straddling her and I start kissing her neck.

By this point I've completely forgotten about the cuts on my wrist. I cut again yesterday and I had promised her I would stop but I just can't. As I'm kissing her neck I see a flash of pain and sadness I looked at her eyes and followed her gaze.

"I can't believe you did this again" she said reaching to touch the cuts "you promised me Rachel, you promised that you wouldn't do this to yourself again. Why, why would you do this to yourself? Your beautiful and your scaring your beautiful skin. You can't keep doing this to yourself..... the more you do this, the more I lose my best friend" By this time she was sobbing and in pain from my choices. The choices regretted the next morning.

"Look I'm sorry but I really tired" I plead her "I really tried but...."

"But what?"

"But I can't !!..... I can't do this anymore"
I said as I cried. I really couldn't do it anymore, everything in my life was a mess nothing was in place

I was forever alone I always felt alone even though deep down
I know I had her with me the whole time but she did not understand she did not!!

I get off her and walk into the bathroom cuz I just want to be alone write now and dwell in my own thoughts. I got in and locked the door behind me and not long after
that she was banging on the door saying I should let her in.

pleading I let her in not only into the bathroom but into my thoughts into the dark side of my mind.

Not that there's a happy side

I heard her slide down the door on the other side and we were both crying. I stoped crying, got my shit together and walked out of the bathroom.

As soon as I opened the door I was in a bare hug with April still crying but better than before. I hugged her back and we stayed like that in silence until she broke it...

"Look I'm sorry. I know it's not that easy for you to open up but please just try with me instead of cutting, I know it won't be easy so if you need some space I'll give it to you but p-please....just try. I can't stand seeing you in physical and emotional pain.... try, will you do that for me?"

"Ya I'll try but even with you, I'm also here for you to lean on and I'm here to listen"

We finally pulled back and she gave me a kiss on the cheek. I was in the mood for some ice-cream so we got dressed and went out to get some ice-cream

So I know I haven't uploaded in a while you know I've been going through some shit and its been though, you know I was free of cutting for a few months
but its back and it's an urge I'm trying
to fight because I know if my mom finds out, she'll killlll me

ANYWAYS, enough about my life how are you guys doing
I missed you dearly and I'm sorry I haven't posted alot but I'll try post every 2 or 3 days
(I've said that before and it became months😂)

Thoughts?
Comments?
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Pleas vote
😊😘