ѕтєρ вяσтнєяѕ... ❣ (втѕ)

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Hey guys...
I'm sorry, but this is not an update...

I just wanted you all to know that I'm going on a hiatus... A long long hiatus...

I'll continue writing this story after March, 2020...

I'll occasionally post... But this story won't be complete before that time...

I'm so sorry...

It's a really important school year...

(And you guys can stop reading now... What I'm about to write or talk about is sensitive and very very personal...)

The main reason is...

I'm tired guys...
Phisically, mentally and emotionally...
I feel left out and messed up...

I hate myself...

It hurts so much...

I hate myself for causing trouble... I hate how ppl try and show me how to love myself and I don't work them out...

It's about time, they'll give up on me...

My mom finds me a disgrace, my sister wants me dead, my dad thinks I'm a waste of space and money... He even said "Why were you even born?"

I hate how I end up crying over small things, how I lie to others about having eaten my dinner...

I can't seem to do anything right... I can't write, I can't study, I can't help... I feel so helpless...

I feel like a fucking liar and hypocrite when I help others in loving themselves but can't do the same for me...

I hate how people stayed with me when they needed my help and when I needed their help, they laughed at my face and went away...

I hate the thoughts haunting me... Every single day... I hate how easily the thought of me not being alive crosses my mind with such ease... Would people even care if I'm alive or not?

I hate everything about me, my face, my hair, my body, my mind, my everything... And I hate this fact about me too... Isn't it funny? Lol

My Friend literally told me that they could have fallen for me if it had not been for my body... If it had not been the fact that I was fat...

My other friend, I always compliment her, but she made it clear that I'm not at all good looking...

It hurts... As much as I try and say no, that's not true... It hurts worse than starving yourself... And I know how that felt like... Unfortunately, I did it again today...

I'm sorry...
I hope no one read it till here... Most of the people would have stopped reading at the first sentence.

But I also hope that people notice that I can be sad too, I can be upset too... Just because I smile and try cheering up others, does not mean I'm not sad or I'm happy...

I'll try and keep posting the chapters though...

Just lemme finish fighting my inner battle and not let them win, even though it feels tempting to let them win...

I want to believe it so bad... But it's hard when you look into the mirror every single day...

Bye guys... 💜

Love you all...