Glass Pieces

Garnet

"I want you to practice looking at what you have accomplished. For next week, your homework is to write down your accomplishments into a list. Don't hold off an item because you think it is too minor; nothing is too big or small. When you bring in your list next week, we can discuss its contents," Dr. Harden instructed in his level, gentle tone. 

The young woman on the chair across from him focused on the bright paisley pattern of his sock revealed from his crossed legs, the ankle of his navy slacks pulling up just enough in the motion to catch her eye. Her frame was tense, fingers gripping the edge of the tufted chair, her own legs crossed as his words reached her ears. The paisley print was new; striking from the otherwise dulled colors of the doctor's suit and office entirely. Dark blues and grays were to be expected always, along with the same pair of worn, brown oxfords. Perhaps it was a gift of the one who had the matching golden band that sat quietly on the man's tanned finger, or was a hint of his true personality outside of this office. 

It always was the same: the whisper of the ticking clock, the static of the noise machines outside each door of the long hallway, the muffled sounds of life outside the windows, the sneakers stuffed underneath the clutter-free desk, the intelligent, piercing gaze of the physician when Garnet did finally decide to raise her eyes. 

Her muscles pulsed from her tensed position, the subtle burn tethering the young woman to the chair rather than allowing her thoughts to drift off any further. Swallowing dryly, Garnet pursed her lips. "I don't see how-... Loads of others have done the same things I have, done it better, or done it under worst circumstances."

Dr. Harden's lips twisted into a hint of a smile, amused and perhaps a bit pitiful at the same time. "Other's achievements or failures don't take away from your experience. Just take that you are the first in your family to graduate from college, to move out and support yourself. That is significant; there wasn't a history of this path for you to follow, but you made it anyway."

The woman's features wrinkled, "Yeah, but I wasn't valedictorian or anything; I just did it. I have-- I mean, this is probably the most financially secure I've been, but I'm still living per paycheck. I kind of hate my job. I-- Don't get me wrong, I'm so grateful for the opportunity they gave me and to have a job out of school at all," Garnet quickly blurted, trying not to sound as sour as she felt, "But..."

"You want to move on," the doctor supplied knowingly after spending a number of sessions with the patient before him. His eyes moved for only a moment, catching sight of the clock adjacent to Garnet, before returning to meet her gaze. "We have to stop for today, but we can continue this conversation next week with your list. You can continue to move forward while still coming to terms and even appreciating where you came from, to what you overcame to get to this point."

In response, the young woman offered a tight smile, hand loosening only to push her glasses up the bridge of her nose. "Thank you," she mumbled as she unraveled from her knotted position to stand, quickly grabbing her jacket and bag, "See you next week."

Garnet crossed the waiting room quickly, not wanting to chance recognizing any of the remaining faces in the office. A huffed passed her lips as she reached the elevator bank, pushing up her glasses to pinch the bridge of her nose. She wasn't being hard on herself, she was being realistic. Pursuing medicine was no easy task; in a normal pool of students, the young woman stood out in the high achieving portion, but when she was compared to the competitive, exceptional pool of students vying for a spot in medical school? Garnet barely was noticeable regardless of her life circumstances, falling just short of the high standards. After all her hard work these years, leaving her home and family behind, pushing herself academically, working through the night to afford her books -- it still wasn't enough, not even close to enough. For every struggle she endured, there was someone else out there who had overcome a similar one without having her shortcomings.