A second chance

Chapter 13

I apparently slept for three days after my breakdown. Warrick eventually told me the stress caused me to have a partial placental tear. Thankfully Warrick was able to stop the bleeding and gave me medicine to slow the progression of the tear. But I'm now on strict bedrest with little to no movement at all. Warrick also mentioned my malnutrition was a worry, he measured the twins in both length, width and weight and they were very small. I was put on a healthy high protein diet to get my weight up and also help the twins develop proparly.

Apparently after I was out of harm's way Keanai promptly collapsed from stress and exhaustion and had to be given an i.v, Seeril had woken up later that day and looked after my babies.
I felt awful, I just seem to cause them problems. All I do is stress them out, and it makes me feel like I shouldn't be here.
"I see the wheels turning in your head beautiful, I dont like the look on your face." A warm hand gently grabbed my chin and turned my head.
Seeril looked at me, his eyes were warm, whenever either of them looked at me my heart would feel gooey. If that was even possible.
"Come on beautiful talk to me." His hand was big, warm and calloused and it felt so good when he stroked my cheek.
"I ... I feel like, all I do is stress you and, and Keanai out." I looked down at my lap biting my lip.
"Riku look at me." I flinched, slowly lifting my head.
Seeril's eyes were hard, his expression set in a grim line. He was mad.
"Dont ever say something so stupid again you hear me ? You are our mate, we will always love you unconditionally, you will never be a burden to us. Yes we were stressed, but not because your a problem but because we just want you to be alright." I felt tears slip down on my cheeks again, god I was getting sick of crying.
I watched Seer's whole face soften, and he gently put me in his lap and wrapped his arms around me, putting his chin on my head.
"Dont cry beautiful, please ? I dont want to see you cry anymore, I want to see you happy." I put my face in his neck crying harder.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry." I gripped his t-shirt tightly.
"Dont be sorry beautiful, ok ?" Seer put a soft kiss on my temple.

I wiped my eyes and looked at him, his eyes reminded me of warm caramel, they were bright and intense but so warm and gentle. I looked at his face, I hadn't really looked at either of them, too tense about the adjustment. Too embarrassed to really see my mates. I initially thought that they were perfect, too perfect for me to be deserving of. But now I see that I was wrong.

His nose wasnt completely straight, there was a bump in the center from being broken more than once. He had small scars on his face too, there was one on his lower lip, one on his left eyebrow and the last one under his left eye. And he also had a birthmark that was ever so slightly darker than the rest of his skin, that started from the top right corner of his forehead into his hairline. I let my eyes slowly trail down his body, noticing scars, rough patches of skin, birth mark's. I let my fingers slowly trace each one, and Seer let me, sitting quietly and watching. I eventually made my way down his arm, and saw multiple little scars on the inside of both his arms, my heart hurt. I traced each one, and a tear slipped down my cheek.

"Aw beautiful dont cry, it's ok. That was a long time ago." I shook my head.
"But you must've been in so much pain ... to use something like Aric, it must have been awful." I curled into his chest hugging him tightly.

Seeril was quiet for a while, almost like he was lost in thought, I didnt see anything either I didnt want to ruin it.
"I had a crappy time growing up. With my asperger's it was like there were stop and go signs for things, but they'd be in the wrong order. I'd get so stuck on something that wasnt an issue and then when something was important it was like my brain booted it out of my head without a thought.

Growing up with that constant battle in my head, and having to deal with the repercussions of it. At one point it just got to be too much. I had needed something, anything, that could clear my head. Let me be .... I dont know, in peace, where my obsessions and anxieties wouldnt be a problem anymore. As shitty as it is, when I took Aric, that's what happened. My head was clear, first time in my life I had no worries in my head. My obsessive behavior, the social anxiety, the night terrors, the cutting. All of it disappeared, and I loved that feeling to the point where I couldnt stop. I hadn't realised that my asperger's didnt go away even when taking Aric, I just got another compulsion that I almost couldnt break myself from.
Sometimes I still have breakouts and flare ups, and it fucking terrifies me that I'll slip and be who I was 10 years ago." I cupped his face and wiped the tears under his eyes.