I woke up in the morning with a "what the hell pain" in a particular part of my body, as if I am going to die any moment. Oh, yeah! I am dying!
As I look around my room, I saw different frames of happy moments and of course contain a sweet and very happy smile.
A slight smile curved in my lips when I saw his picture, my first love. I met him when I was in second year in high school, courtesy of my cousin who introduces him to me.
We had a happy relationship and it last for almost 4 years. It can be last forever if he did not left me. Don’t get me wrong, he doesn’t left me for another girl, no third party.
One day, I received a call that he met an accident when he's about to go to our house for a visit. He was in comma for a week.
At that time, I'd always there for him, taking care of his needs, make him feel how much I love him and talking to him from time to time hoping that's the way to wake him up.
March 18, 2012 at 11 in the morning, he woke up. I can't describe the feeling, how happy I am that he's finally awake but that's also made me suffer for so much pain and agony.
He died exactly 11: 25 in the morning, leaving me a message of his unconditional love "Hey angel, don’t cry. I love you always and forever. Hindi naman kita iiwan, eh…isipin mo na lang may pinuntahan lang ako pero kung kailangan mo ako…darating ako, kahit sa panaginip lang…You're always here in my heart and I hope your happiness even without me… Angel, please live for me. Malay natin in the future, you'll be happy with your own family…" that's the last words I heard from him before he close his eyes.
Masakit, masakit na masakit. Noong mga panahon na iyon akala ko wala ng saysay ang buhay ko. Hindi ko alam kung kaya ko pa bang mabuhay ng wala siya dahil para sa akin siya ang buhay ko. Wala akong pakialam sa mga sasabihin ng iba sa akin, sabihan na nila ako ng martir, tanga o kahit kaawaan nila ako wala na akong pakialam.
I'd blame all for his lost, I blame Him for taking him away from me. I'd even tried to kill myself but he saved me.
Sana iniwan na lang niya ako para sa ibang babae, mas matatanggap ko pa at mas madaling mag-move on. Sana nasa ibang lugar lang siya. Sana ako na lang ang nawala o hindi kaya ay kasama na lang ako. Sana panaginip na lang ang lahat ng ito. Puro na lang sana, sana nga hindi na nangyari ito at hindi ko na naranasan ang sakit, sobrang sakit na iyon.
I continue my life without him. However, I know, a biggest part of me is gone when he left me. I'm smiling but deep inside I am in pain. I laughed but I am suffering. I am a sociable but I am alone. I am not happy, my smile and laughter was just my way to show that I am okay, that's nothing to worry about. It is fake.
How can I be happy if he took all my happiness with him?
