My sweetheart…
You are the one who make my life alive again…
You give it a color and get it back to its old.
I want you to be with me,
Fight for me when I cannot do it anymore…
No, I rather die than seeing you suffer because of my illness
I know you hate me...
I hurt you so badly.
I didn’t mean it, but I need to do it for your own sake...
I don’t want to be unfair to you.
Since he was out of the picture,
You were there, always, at my side to guide and support me.
You were there to comfort me when I am in loneliness.
Being my reliever when I am in pain.
Anti-depressant when I am in stress.
You serve as my nurse that always ready to attend my needs, when I need it so badly...
You did a lot thing for me,
However, you're aware that I can't pay you back...
I don’t want to wake up in your dreamland,
Know why?
I'll just hurt you when I am gone...
Yes. I hurt you many times.
I saw you crying when I finally get tired pretending that I am immune at your charm...
You've won.
I don’t want to see you that way.
Twice and more, I caught you panicked when I am in pain and screamed like no tomorrow.
Sometimes, I controlled it because I don’t want you to be like that...
I heard your voice, talking to me when you thought that I am asleep...
I want to stop you for keep saying how much you love me.
Every time you say it, I feel guilty.
I'll be gone anytime.
When I am in influence of morphine,
I can't feel you physically when you embrace and hold my hand...
But my hurt feels it, your love and care for me...
Please understand.
I am not forcing you to forgive me...
I decided to go away, left you without a trace.
You need to go on with your life without me...
I love you, I really do...
But, I need to let you go.
I am sorry…
--- Your 'Sweetheart
Now, he's happy with her. I am happy for them, I really do. What if I let him stay with me? I am always asking that question but I can't answer it or I just don’t want to answer. I will sleep peacefully knowing that someone will take care and make him happy more than I did.
Need to take a bed rest... Please pray for my survival for my operation next week. . .
I am taking the risk again. I hope i'll win for my life again...
--- SGlane
