dazai
x
reader
tw: angst. heavy angst. probably the heaviest angst i've ever written and oh my god i want to die now
-
You couldn't believe it.
You didn't want to believe it.
It was just at the moment that you stood in front of his grave that you realized it.
He's made it. He killed himself.
“You.. stupid asshole“, you said, tears falling down your face, dripping onto the flowers and grass.
“You idiot! Did you even think how I would feel? Just... stop this. Okay, Dazai? Stop this sick, belated April Fools' joke you certainly planned out for months and come back! Come back to me-“, you yelled, voice cracking at the end, mixing with quiet sobs and questions, so many questions.
You wouldn't get an answer, no matter if you cried or didn't cry.
No matter if you were alive or pulled the trigger of the gun against your temple.
“You can't do a double suicide alone...“, you sang, voice falling apart, hand shaking as you pulled out the letter Kunikida and Atsushi had picked up when they saw him.
You couldn't even imagine what they had felt, what they had to go through as they saw his limp, lifeless body.
Almost sleeping.
Dear (Y/n),
I know I broke our promise. I know I said we'd die together, but I couldn't. I couldn't let you die with someone like me, because I wanted you to live, because I loved you too much.
It's okay if you hate me, now that I'm gone. I wonder how the funeral went, though, and if I got my place beside Odasaku...
Can you tell Atsushi something? I made some bowls of chazuke for him before I left. Oh, and show him how the microwave works. I never got the chance to do that myself, even though I wanted to. And stay with him. I think you remind him of me, and that helps him.
If you run into Chuuya one day, tell him I'm sorry. He might not believe you (knowing him, I'm pretty sure he won't), but I actually missed working with that shortstack of a person.
And now you, (Y/n)... today is the day, isn't it?
Our anniversary.
Do you remember how we used to dance? How we walked up to the rooftop, swaying along with the wind, nothing but the soaring sky around us?
I miss that.
So please, I want you to do two things: stay alive. Stay alive, for me, for you, for the rest of the Agency. I know that's much, too much, for you to ask.
Because I want you to live. Live on for the two of us.
The second thing is: I want you to dance, every year on our day, even if I won't be here to see how beautiful you are.
And save the last dance for me. Save it for the day we'll see each other again, okay?
'til the next time, when we sway along with the wind, nothing but the soaring sky around us.
You finished reading, the hand holding the gun shaking violently.
And then, you threw it into the woods with an agonized scream, voice feeble and shaky, a smile tugging at your lips.
“Okay, Dazai.“
i was lowkey crying while writing this. like, i've never cried while writing before rip
you have to thank my friend who made me listen to hurts like hell and said i should write something with that.
THANK YOU MY FRIEND XD
