the mark

chaper 1

its dark, and cold the goosebumps on my arms feel higher than the tallest mountain. i can hear my heart beat, its loud and fast. i close my eyes and take deep breaths. i slowly hear my heartbeat fade and my body begins to warm up, the goosebumps are gone in minutes. i feel something warm on my back, i turn around and im greated by sunlight rays. i dont know where i am or what im doing here, all i can see are tall trees that lead up into the clouds. i walk around and feel the soil underneath my feet, its cold but its soft. im looking around but im not sure what exactly im looking for. i feel a sudden rush of air and when i turn around im on the edge of a cliff. my heart races and i try to turn and run back but the land is gone, everything is gone. im falling now and im falling fast. i cant control anything , im approching the ground fast. and As i embrace myself for my death, i take a deep breath and close my eyes.

i woke up screaming, my chest was paining as my mother held me within in her tight grip. she spoke to me with her gentle voice as tears rolled down my cheeks. i cried. not because i was scared but because i felt sorry for my mom. This was the 3rd time this week i woke up screaming. My mom thinks its her fault, she blames it on the fact that her and dad are getitng a divorce. i dont think its that ,i mean mom and dad have been going through a rough patch for 2 years now. it has to be something else. i get headaches trying to figure out why it happens. i get bad marks at school because i dont pay attention in class, mom has had to go to so many meetings with mrs.decrease that if they had to pay her $10 for everytime she went, we'd be living in a mansion and i'd be driving a porsche.

it always happens in waves, i come home after school at about 4pm it would be 3 but, i have track running. i've been ditching it a lot recently i just cant find the energy to run the 10kms i normally do. so after track i come home with my dad, the car rides have become silent. Dad's always worried about work and how things are gonna happen when he gets home and has to greet my mother. im always to busy pondering about these nightmares and how screwed up my life is. we used to be so close and life used to be so simple, that was 5 years ago and a lot has changed since then. The routine is pretty standard , get home go inside say hi to mom without looking at her. im to ashamed. run upstairs to my room , lock my bedroom door , throw myself on my bed, and cry. i ball my eyes out on a regular bases, i literally keep a jug of water in my room to rehydrate because im so scared im going to dry up like a prune. i dont do my homework anymore im to scared to, thats when it happens. i used to start doing my homework at about 11pm at night, everyone was alseep by then. i would sit there trying to figure out what the hell was going on with my trig homework, it would happen in a split second. i would close my eyes and i would be there. same place everytime , a dark room and then a forrest and then im falling.

today is saturday and its been 3 days since the last time i slept. i look like a dead man walking. the black patches under my eyes grow with intensity every hour. my figure keeps shrinking each and everyday. i try to eat, i really do but it all just ends up coming out the next hour or so. i can tell my parents are worried, the only time they stand together is when they worry about me. i hate seeing them this way. i hate to be the only reason that kept them together this long. i came down for dinner one night, i made it as far as the bottom of the steps and it all went black.