the mark

Chapter 4 " jolene"

"There is nothing on my mind other than Hannah. She is my entire world. Ever since she was little I knew there was something about her that would mean so much to me. I didn't ever think that she would be so much like me. my name is Jolene I am 37 years old. My childhood isn't exactly what one would call happy. I was bullied a lot at school, my parents were never really there to protect me. My dad left my mom and I when I was only 5 years old. I don't remember much about him other than the fact that each night my mother would come into my room and lock the door. She would start reading a bed time story to me, I could never concentrate because my dad would be banging on the door and swearing to my mother to open it. I pretended to sleep and give my mother peace of mind. I would feel her lips gentle touch my head as she kissed my goodnight. I heard her open my bedroom door and I could sense the fear inside her , my dad would be standing at the door waiting for her. She would apologize and beg for him to go to sleep, he would never reply he would always just give her this look. I watched as my mother pleaded for him to rest, I hated it so much. I could never do anything so I would lay in my bed and watch. My dad would take a deep breath and hit my mother through the face with his fist. She would squeal as he walked away. I hated that I could never do anything , I wished so much that my mother would fight back. she never did. When my father left that day I was so happy , I looked to my mother and anticipated her smile but she never did.

I grew up and my mother raised me the best she could. It was hard for her , especially when she found out she had lung cancer. I was 18 when she was first admitted into hospital. I would stay by her side each night and prayed that she would get better. 23 of September 1985 my mother passed away in the night. I remember being awoken by the dropping heart rate, the high pitch beep of the machine. The doctors rushed in the room and swept her away. I never got to say goodbye , when the doctors returned it was only to inform me that she had passed away.

One year later I met john when I was at my worst. I worked in the local dinner, joes dinner it was called. I was hopping from couch to couch, comfort was not important because I hardly ever slept. I would have these terrible nightmares. They would always start with me in this abandon hospital nobody was ever around, then I would be at the beach but it wasn't always peaceful the one time the ocean was filled with blood and dead bodies. I always tried to save the dead bodies but whenever I did I would be sucked in by the waves and I would be drowning. I would awaken suddenly and my chest would be paining. sometime I woke up with bruises covering my body and I would be aching.

So I hardly slept , when I went to work it was the only good memory I had ,because I would see him every morning sitting in the booth everyday . He always refused all the other waitresses and only ever wanted to be served by me. He would greet me with his corny jokes and I would always laugh. The more and more we met, the closer we grew. He found out I was couch crashing and offered me a place to stay. I told him about the nightmares I had, and how they hurt and left me with bruises. Each night he would lay by side so that every time I woke from a nightmare he was there to comfort me. he tried getting me help to over come the nightmares, but what he didn't not know was that no one could me at all.