Rainy Donuts With a side serving of life and death

Help! I am in a horror story!

My name is Jack Dieslater. I am an 18 years old post-pubescent teenager. I have never done drugs, had sex, or touched a twat. I am your stereotypical good boy. I was born and raised in Willow-Monday-Amity-Creek-Woods-Ville. It is a peaceful town in the middle of literally fucking nowhere! Isn't that awesome! I tried calling out of town to the city and I couldn't! Cool!

We have serene and really, really, really quiet lakes and long dark unexplored mining caves. We also have cabins in the middle of the woods! Timmy and friends went up to one of them for a party trip once, but they never came back. I think they love it there so much that they decided to stay. Wonderful!

Our main town is pretty chill as well. Our high school is always dark and quiet at night. People say that the school is haunted by ghosts and demons, but I believe they are just the hauntings of people taking a dump in the damn toilets and NOT FLUSHING! Ew!

There is also a police station! There is the deputy and sheriff. The deputy is really skinny and sports a weird moustache. The sheriff is morbidly obese. Oh, the sheriff always drives his car to the diner in town. The diner! Yes! Did I mention that the diner is a small and quaint fast food establishment run by Mary, a middle-aged blonde woman who loves frying pancakes in the morning?

Well enough about the town. What about the people? The people in Willow-Monday-Amity-Creek-Woods-Ville are a fun bunch. We are tight-knitted so closely that just last week, Shelley went missing in the caves, and nobody knew! I couldn't give a fuck either! Hooray! Mr. Sonotfrommars is definitely not an extraterrestrial, even though other people often claim he is an alien disguising as a human. Come on! Oh yes oh yes! Did I mention about my best buddy, Lenny, who is a geeky retard who always tries to get laid with girls, but ends up drunk and lying on the floor? Fucking hell! I love my town!

Beep. Beep. F-.

Fucking alarm! I swear I still need more shut-eye! Last night was a blast! It was my 18th birthday and Lenny tried to hit on a big breasted blonde chick in blue underwear, but he ended up dancing alone rambling all sorts of nonsensical shit. Sometimes I just want to hide myself and pretend I didn't know Lenny. At all.

Pollyana went to the outhouse to take a dump. I heard a scream. She didn't come back to the party, so I guess that dump was pretty intense. We drank to our hearts content, before knocking off at 11:59 PM (I didn't drink though, I can't take alcohol. I mean I never tried, but... You get the point). Some of the group decided to go out at 12AM. I haven't heard from them either. Isn't it awesome? We live so carefree lives that we can just disappear from awkward social situations and nobody will care!

Well, it wasn't a party to celebrate my birthday. Nobody does. Lenny comes over to play video games on my X-station during my birthdays though. We have been buddies for a long time now. Lenny is like my superhero sidekick, if superheroes had to kick someone in the back-sides everyday...

Time to go to school. It's a great early morning, and a happy rock music is starting to play in the air. The birds are chirping, and a car that looks like it came from 1970 just drove past the driveway. That must be Mr. Sonotfrommars. He is a little eccentric, eh. He always stays in his house. The house is always boarded up! You can't see through the windows or doors. Me and Lenny wanted to sneak in once to see what's going on in there, but an eerie feeling and Goosebumps stopped us. Shame.

'Hello Mr Grump! Where's your wife?'

Oops. I forgot.

Mr Grump's wife died in a car accident last week. I swore I saw her yesterday on the road while we were in the bus, but fuck it. I can't remember.

Mr Grump is giving me that stare again. It's creepy.

"You fool. We are all going to die!"

Err.