A Nerdy Muslim Girl's Youth

Self-Esteem and Confidence

Hey everyone! I'm so sorry I haven't written in a long time. I was just trying to find new ways to not write a new chapter. Ugh, well, I've missed you all! I've enjoyed the messages in the past five months I haven't been here. I don't want to make any promises and say that I'm back here for good, but you should expect to see me more :) As always, please feel free to message me what you think of the story so far, or comment! I love to see what you guys say. Also, new update! I'm going to be starting a poetry book as well soon! 

"Hey," says Amal. "Is everything okay?" 

No, I say in my head. "Yeah, of course. I'm fine." 

She gives me a sly look and I know that she knows I'm lying. "No you aren't. Come," she gestures toward her bed, "sit." 

"I just - I don't know. Majd." She understands what I'm talking about. That I can't stop thinking about him. I fall asleep to the thought of him, and wake up to his beauty. When we're at school, I constantly catch his eye, but instead of maintaining it, I look down, and so does he. 

"It's perfectly normal how you feel. Trust me, I've been there before. With Moe." 

"I know, but you know what's completely horrible about the way I feel? It's that he doesn't feel the same way." 

"You don't know that, Nadirah. Stop underestimating your inner and outer beauty. Look at you! You're intelligent, kind-hearted, modest, and hilarious. What guy wouldn't want you?" 

"You tell me, no guy has ever liked me. I've never felt what you have so many times. That feeling of being liked, or even loved. Is there someting wrong with me," I ask as my face drops.

"No! Listen to me, you are beautiful. So stop talking about this. I'm being serious." 

I look at her, and I realize that she's right. What am I saying right now? I talk all the time about self-esteem and confidence. I have to practice what I preach. 

"You're right, " I say. "Okay, well have you heard about the new Heroes of Olympus book? The Blood of Olympus? I'm so excited! I already have it on pre-order!" 

My eyes make my way to her, and I see that I've practically bored her to death. She's messaging Moe. 

"You know," I say as I creep up from behind her, "you really should listen to what I talk about." I grab the bun on the back of her head and yank her scarf off. 

"Nadirah! Ugh - " she takes her hair-tie out. "I was messaging Moe. You know, my boyfriend." 

"Yeah, yeah. Whatever. You're both so lame." 

Amal blushes and I start laughing. "So, do you think you guys are going to make it? I mean, we've talked about you both being with each other. But don't you think you should really be with someone if you plan on marrying them?" 

"Of course. Moe and I have talked about it before. We both plan on being together for the long-term. We're only fifteen now though. I mean we have a long time. We've decided that we're telling our parents when we turn sixteen. And my birthday is in three months." 

I start to get excited for my friend. Excited that she's growing up. We both are the same age, but she's always known deep down that I was the more...responsible one to say the least. But this new thing, this thing with Moe, I wasn't all for it in the beginning. I have nothing against dating, but what's the point of dating, if you don't plan for something in the long-run? 

"I'm so happy for you Amal!" But at the same time, I'm jealous. Moe wasn't Amal's first boyfriend, and here she was now planning out their future, and where was I? Fifteen and boyfriend-less. Not even liked yet by a guy. I was happy for Amal, but I was facing that low self-esteem once more. 

"I know you are," she says. "And know, Nadirah, that guys have liked you. You just don't know it." 

                                                           ***********************************

The next day was Monday, and after yesterdays episode with a low self-esteem, all I want to do today is walk with confidence. As I walk throuogh the front doors of my school, I see Majd. Oh God, I say to myself, he's making his way towards me. 

"Hey Nadirah!" He exclaims. "Can I talk to you for a second?" He looks down then. 

Nervous, I say, "sure." I'm an idiot. 

"Well," he says with a wide smile, "I had just the weirdest dreams two nights ago..." 

I grin. "I think you weren't the only one who did." 

He asks to carry my books to my locker, and we both start walking towards it. This day isn't as bad as I thought.