Fart Girl

Bernice Screams

It's been two weeks since the most embarrassing moment of my life. Two weeks of settling for crappy snacks from the vending machine and instant coffee. Two weeks of my face spontaneously heating up whenever I heard the words "fart", "coffee', "blue" or "Evan". I have been religiously avoiding going to the mall, but when I opened my snack of the day and found some... insect feasting on the caramel goodness, my sugar cravings put their foot down.

So here I am again, standing in front of the mall. I've been trying to psych myself into going in for the past fifteen minutes, to no avail. My feet feel glued to the ground, my knees are leaden, my hands are clammy and I am already starting to sweat. But the worst thing is I get gassy when I'm nervous.

Yes, that's right. I desperately want to fart. Oh, the irony.

I quickly look around, checking out my surroundings. There is no one near me or coming in my direction. I let it out, praying that it'll be soundless. It is. I sag a little in relief, and quickly walk away from the smell. I glance back at my previous spot. No one is near.

Success!

Feeling emboldened by my victory, I stride in confidently, heading towards Blue's. I almost go in, but a glimpse of Evan's mop of dirty blond hair and easy smile sends me running in the opposite direction. I walk around for a bit, when I spot an ice cream parlor in a corner, named Bernice Screams. I go in, and am already salivating at the generous display of multiple flavors of ice cream. My eyes zero in on Pistachio and Coffee ice cream. Yum.

"Hey, it's Fart Girl!" interjects a very, very familiar voice.

I freeze. Please no.

"It is you! Man, I remember your face. Hilarious." He chuckles to himself.

I glare at him.

"Hey, no need to get mad. It was just a joke."

I cannot believe the nerve of this guy.

"A joke? A fucking joke? Are you fucking kidding me? That was the most embarrassing moment of my life!"

"Oh, come on. It was a silly gaffe at worst. No need to overreact."

"Overreact? Over-fucking-react? Are you fucking kid-" he stops me by raising his palm in front of my face.

"If it's any consolation, my date still knew it was me and she left right after you did. Hey, I'll even buy you ice cream, deal?"

"Wait a second. You did it? And you blamed it on me to save face in front of your date?!" I am practically screaming at this point. He winces, belatedly realising his mistake.

"So, ice cream?" he asks sheepishly.

I scoff, and am about to leave when he puts his hand on my shoulder and pulls me back.

"I'm sorry. I really liked that girl but I had an upset stomach that day and... I freaked out. I shouldn't have done that to you. I'm sorry."

I look at him then, the regret evident on his face, his honest brown eyes steadily meeting mine.

"Fine," I sigh. "Karma got you in the end, anyway."

He shoots me a wry smile. "So, ice cream?"

"You bet." I say, smiling back.

We go to the counter where a middle aged woman with kind eyes and an amused smile - Bernice, according to her name tag - takes our order.

"Pistachio and Coffee." I say.

The guy turns to me so fast I wonder if he got whiplash.

"Pistachio? They have Oreo, Double Nutella, and Double Chocolate Chip Cookie Flavored ice cream and you choose freaking pistachio?"

I laugh a little at his shocked expression.

"I take it you're a big fan of chocolate then?"

He scoffs. "Who isn't?"

I don't answer.

"Oh no. You don't like chocolate? What do you even eat on your period?"

I let out an incredulous laugh, fighting my blush.

"Nothing? I don't really have much of an appetite on my period."

"Lucky you," Bernice says, handing me my ice cream. "It must be why you have such a great figure," she continues, winking at me.

My blush has now reached my ears, I'm sure. I smile at her, tap him on the arm with a quick "thank you", and turn to leave.

I'm almost by the door when I hear him call me.

"Hey, Fart Girl! Won't you sit?"

I just shake my head and walk out, waving a peace sign over my head, the smile on my face lasting all the way home.