A Frying Pan to the Face

Chapter Four: The Board Meeting of Doom

"Seriously? That's what you tried to call the Space Phantoms?" I ask.
"In my defense, that name sucks," Hawkeye replies, firing an arrow. He nails a bullseye through five of Stark's weird floating ring targets.
I roll my eyes, firing a shot of my own, but mine only makes it through two targets. I really need to work on my aim.
"Creepy Ugly Bad Dudes? Really? You think that's a better name?"
"Yes. It's better than your suggestion, anyways," he fires another shot. Six this time. Nearly hit me though. Granted, sitting near the ceiling on my back probably isn't the safest thing to do right now. Especially since I'm wearing my civies.
"Floaty Gas Guys is much more memorable than Creepy Ugly Bad Dudes. Its got alliteration in it," My shot went through three and grazed a forth.
"You're not a bad shot, you know." He hit seven this time, after his arrow ricocheted.
"Nah, just lucky." Four this time. Wait, I grazed the second one instead of going straight through. Dammit.
"I'm just calling it like I see it. You're not bad. I think you need more practice, but..." he just hit like twelve. I lost count.
"You say I'm not bad, but then you go and show me up like that," I put my hands on my hips and fake a pout. The hand-hip thing probably didn't translate too well, and it's hard to look pouty when you're hair is hanging off into the air, but by Starskie I'm gonna make it work!
"I said you weren't bad. I didn't say you were good."
"Dick," I sit up and let the blood rush back down into the rest of my body.
"Yeah yeah. You're just as much of an ass as I am, Wings." He went back to a more reasonable number of targets, that being six.
"Thanks. I work very hard at that." I fire a blast. Four targets, finally!
I pull my phone out of my hoodie pocket and check the time. 9:30. I better go. I slide off the platform I've been laying on and land in a crouching position.
"Where are you going?" He hit six this time.
"I gotta fly to a get together in Ohio, and I need to get a head start," I explain as I stand up.
"What kind of get together?"
"Just meeting some colleagues and friends of mine to discuss plans for the next month or so. I'll be back by two unless an emergency pops up," I start walking for the door.
"See ya, Wings," Hawkeye waves before firing again.
"See ya," I respond, waving over my shoulder. I turn and exit the room.
Well, Hawkeye's back to favorite Avenger. Except for muah of course. That said, he's just as cool as I always thought he'd be. Ruder than I expected, cocky and mouthy as fuck, but honorable and loyal. Better than most, that's for damn sure. Oh hey, almost to the Helipad. Weird, Tony and Falcon are working on something. I open the door to the outside.
"Hey, whatcha working on?" I ask, leaning against the wall. I stick my hands in my pockets.
"We're working on a potential upgrade for the Falcon suit," Sam says.
"Sweet. Speed boost or something more combat oriented?"
"Speed," Falcon says. This whole time, neither of them have really looked at me.
"Okay then, I'm gonna go. See ya later," I say, shifting to draki form.
Neither of them really respond. I know the feeling. I run forwards and jump off the Helipad, spreading my wings. The air rushes past me as I pull into a nosedive.
I let out a cheer as I spin my way past traffic. I love flying, despite the fact I get motion sick easily. Hard to believe, but it's true. Ha, the first time I flew, I barfed all over Turner. He never let me live that down. Neither did my brother. Granted, I never let anything stupid they've done go unremembered either. I can't, I'm just a monster. A horrible sadistic monster who enjoys embarrassing her friends. I laugh to myself a little bit. I miss them. Too many memories floating in my head, tied together too tightly. I know them, and yet I don't. I'm more together than I was when I first ended up in this world, but sometimes I slip. I try to separate things in my mind that shouldn't be separated. I swap between accents and languages, even some of my mannerisms change a little when they really shouldn't. I wake up in the middle of the night thinking it's time to go feed the dogs, or when my alarm goes off I realize my cheeks are stained.
"Hey Laurel, need a lift?" a voice comes on over my earpiece. Forgot I was wearing that.
"Hey George! Maybe. What are we planning for after the meeting?"
"Probably video games, Netflix, and junk food. Well, those and Louise needs our help."
"So aside from the side quest, it's a standard nerd outing. You got my location?"
"Yeah. I take it that's a yes?"
"Five minutes. I just saw a person on the street pull their phone out. I think they might film me, and I gotta show off."
"They could just be taking a selfie."
"Could be. Worth it even if they aren't."
"Alright. Talk to ya in a few."
"See ya."
I hang up. Alright, alright. Showtime! I start flying up. Alright alright alright, I start slowing down. Almost... I stop. Okay, and now I start diving backward.
I start whooping on my way down. I start spiraling about halfway. And... spread my wings. Now I'm flying again. Alright, now start going up, do a loop-de-loop or three, surge straight up while spinning, and hold your hands out to your sides. A minor illusion spell will make it appear as if some sort of sparkly-shimmery-glowy stuff is coming out of my hands. And that's all folks.
I don't care if anyone was filming that or not, I needed the practice. I land on the street and duck into a back alley. I touch my hand to my earpiece.
"George, you ready?"
"Yeah. Are you?" He says from behind me instead of over the earpi- wait a second.
I turn around. Yep, there he is. I hold my hand out.
"I'm ready, but if I wasn't, I'd say to fuck it and go ahead."
He scoffs. "Typical," he says, taking my hand.
Next thing I know, the temperature drops like ten degrees and we're indoors. Gray metal walls, no windows in the hall, every door looks completely different from the one next to it. Halls have people milling about in their bubbles of conversation, but it's not crowded. People in the halls are wearing various solid-colored outfits, or they look like mutant circus tents like me. Don't see anyone I know personally, but I've seen all these people before. Standard CTG base from the looks of it.
"You know, every time you teleport me, the first thing I notice is the temperature. Is it hotter, is it colder, is it the same? Then, like a millisecond later, I become aware of everything else."
"Really? That's what I notice first too."
"Huh. More ya know."
"Yeah."
Awkward silence. Whoo.
"Which way is the meeting hall?"
"Turn to the right, five doors ahead. Bright green, with a black diamond handle."
"Fancy," I say as we start walking.
"Not my idea. Teren said it would help us power a safety enchantment."
"Black diamond can work for that. Diamonds are hard, strong, and inflexible. Could easily symbolize protection."
"Not my area of expertise. I just don't agree with the recent pay cuts."
"Pay cuts? Who got cut?"
"Mostly people who barely qualify for our aid program. We need to help them out more, not less. And most of them don't qualify because the transition to this world was hard on them."
"I agree with helping them more. I would rather fund this stuff from private donations or out of my pay."
"You and I are top paid CTG agents, why not cut our pay a little, neither of us would mind."
"Ah, but the top paid are the most powerful. They wanna avoid pissing us off, because we might 'retaliate.'"
"Can't blame them. Teren and Kaikara both tend to be... volatile. Don't get me wrong, I love Kaikara to bits, but when her temper flares, she gets a little unbearable."
"We'll talk more about this later," George says, opening the door for me.
"Thanks," I walk into the room. I lean against the wall to the left of the door.
Let's see, Doctor Strange is here. Teren and Kaikira are having an intense discussion on the other side of the room, judging by the hand gestures they're making and their facial expressions.
Maximus is standing in the corner. He doesn't know where to sit since his extra limbs don't fit in those chairs very well. He doesn't want to accidentally stab someone with them either. Wait... they look less skin colored and more of a shiny black. And the pedipalps around his mouth are bigger than they used to be. He's becoming more and more spider-like, it must be progressing faster. I wish I could help him find a way to reverse his curse. But... the way things ended, perhaps it's best I leave him alone.
Tina and Rosy-Posy aren't here yet. That... is a long-ass conference table. You can seat like thirty people at that table! We barely have thirteen, what the fuck do we need a table for thirty for!? An all-you-can-eat-buffet? A... traveling table tap-dancing troupe? Fuck, I'm low on ideas to make that table more useful. Well, except for maybe someone decided an oversized bed-frame was a great way to use our funding instead of supporting members of the community who can't get a job because they're waiting on documents to go through. Or we could provide more funding to our healthcare. Lots of other things I wish we could focus on instead of the more powerful agents. But the more powerful someone's magic is, the more likely they are to have... an interesting personality.
The door opens beside me. Three people I know but not really walk through. Umm, Theodosia, Ashe, and Harry? Yeah, that's them. Theodosia has a giant black ax strapped to her back and is wearing a purple jumpsuit with a line of black diamonds on it. Thankfully, not real diamonds, just a pattern. The budget couldn't handle that. Guess she just got out of a fight. Ashe is putting on purple lipstick in a pocket mirror. It goes well with her dark skin. Purple dress too. And thigh high black socks. She'll get along with Hawkeye. Harry is just wearing casual clothes. Can't blame him, it's hot.
I downshift to civies as well. I need to be able to actually sit in the chair. George already grabbed a seat. I sit next to him.
"I don't know about you, but this weather sucks. It's not that hot, but it's humid, no matter what you wear you're going to have to change so you remain at a comfortable temperature, and there's fucking pollen everywhere."
"You just hate spring," George replies, pulling out his phone.
"Yeah, so? I have good reasons!"
"Yeah yeah. Hey, check this out," he hands me his phone.
"Ooh, Pan pride Moira art! Send that to me," I hand him his phone back.
He nods, and moments later I feel a buzzing in my pocket.
"Thanks, man," I say.
Before he can respond, I feel hands on my shoulder as someone yells "Boo!" in my ear. I jump, before turning to glare at Tina. She laughs and pulls up a chair beside me. I look around. Katan's here too. She already sat on the other side of Tina.
"So, aside from Tina's douchebaggery, what's up?" I say.
Katan snickers and then answers. "I've been good. Got a pay raise at my other job actually."
"Nice! What about you Tina?"
"Not much. Things have been quiet recently. The usual cat and mouse game with Centaur. Work is hell, and my mom won't stop trying to call me," Tina gives me the basics.
"You're mom, huh? Is she bitching about how you never appreciate her again?"
"Oh, you have no idea. My sister's been complaining too, just less often."
"Hang in there Tina. Eventually, you can kick 'em to the curb."
"I want to, but I don't have enough saved to get the house I want. I'm thinking of asking Stark for a pay raise."
"I forgot you worked at Stark Industries. How's that been going?"
"Slowly, and well, you know how stuck-up Tony is. You've been living with him."
"Yeah, but I don't spend that much time with him. I hang out with Hawkeye mostly."
A loud sound gets our attention. Looks like the rest of "The Board" is here. Louise is standing at the head of the table, holding two wooden boards. That was the sound.
"Let's get this started," she says. She takes her seat, as do most others.
Maximus happens to st directly across from me. Oh. Awkward. We lock eyes for a moment before turning our attention back to Lousie.
"Alright, Doctor Strange, anything to report on our native magic?"
"Things have been unusually quiet. Perhaps we've gotten lucky recently, or our enemies are planning something," he says. He would be a good narrator with that voice. That said, that wasn't ominous at all.
Louise nods accordingly. "Thank you, Doctor. Kaikara, report."
Kaikara stands up. She's always so rigid and militaristic. It's a wonder she's not on the frontlines of the current war.
"Conflicts near portal hotspots are still common. Our forces are now engaging Hydra and AIM agents on top of Centaur, and chasing off Latverian scouts. All robots encountered are destroyed after being hit with an EMP. I think we're going to have start moving more and more CTG agents to active duty in order to deal with the uptick in skirmishes."
"What forces?" I say.
Kaikara glares at me. Before she can open her mouth, Maximus speaks up.
"Kaikara, let her speak. This is an open council, after all."
I smile at Maximus.
"As I was saying, what forces? We don't have the people. Most of our other operations barely have enough manpower as it is. We can't shutter our humanitarian aid program or our resettlement programs, their contributions help us maintain our relationship with Shield. The actual Coffee Table is a diplomatic safe haven as well as a revenue stream. I suppose we could get Shield to lend ground forces, but there's a chance that could strain relations, not to mention the time and effort that would go into properly training and equipping their soldiers. On the other hand, if Hydra and AIM are taking notice of our portal hotspots, Fury will want to know."
"Well, if you were actually around, you might be able to help with that. We might not even have this problem if you were on the field," Kaikara fires back.
I roll my eyes at her. "Are you really going to bring this up again?"
"Yes! You are a founding member of the CTG, not to mention an incredibly powerful elementalist and skilled in many different forms of combat, but instead of helping out the people that need it, you're playing superhero, and barely even doing anything! I know for a fact you could hand every villain you've fought as an Avenger their asses on shiny silver platters. Why do you act so weak? You-"
I stand up and slam my hands on the table. I've shifted to my draki form and splayed my wings out behind me.
"Permission from the rest of the council to give her a piece of my mind?" I growl. No one voices an objection. "Listen Kaikara, I was invited to the Avengers when they thought Captain America was killed in cold blood. It turned out Red Skull had something different planned, but I joined them to avenge a wrongful death. I'm fighting with a weaker fighting style because if a real emergency comes up I want to have the energy to deal with it. Also, as an Avenger, I can improve our public relations. Eventually, if I can win us enough public support, more and more of us can come out from the shadows. Interworldly refugees wouldn't have to completely hide themselves anymore. We will already have established that we can and will punish members of our community who use their magic for unethical purposes. And the public would see a hero using her magic to fight problems she didn't create, while still trying to help out her people. That's also why I push for our humanitarian aid program to get more funding. If the public sees us helping out the world we've ended up in, they'll be more willing to help us out in turn. If we make an effort, so will they."
I pause for breath. That, and dramatic effect. Of course, I also have other reasons, such as trying to keep the show on track.
"I agree with General. Good public relations will be useful in the long run, and it will make some of our work easier. Fury and I have been discussing the budget, and perhaps better public image will give them have a higher opinion of us as well and perhaps allocate some more funds to us," Teren says. For a stuffy bureaucrat know-it-all, he's got a point. Although for him, it's all about money. We do need someone like to manage our business aspects though.
"Hey, do you think we could get the Avengers to start backing us up on missions?" Theodosia asks.
Most of us turn to face her. She looks taken about by the attention, but it looks like she's about to gather her strength and speak. "I mean, we could use the extra manpower on our Centaur raids, and if less people are devoted to that, more can focus on skirmishes around portal hotspots. That, and it would be a huge morale boost for the CTG civilian population."
I see a few people nod at her. I fold up my wings and remain standing, although I am no longer hunched over.
"I think that's a great idea. I'll see if I can make it happen," I say.
"As one of our native-world representatives, I have to say I agree. I'll see if I can try to get out of my other job more often to come help as well," George pipes up helpfully. I shoot him a grateful smile.
"Perhaps some of my contacts can be of use as well," Doctor Strange adds.
"So we're really putting ourselves out there? What if the public sees us, and has a similar reaction to mutants. Uh, no offense to present company," Ashe shoots a nervous look at George.
"None taken," he says.
"Enough arguing. A better public platform is a good thing. This way, we can better educate the public about the danger Centaur poses to all of us, and perhaps native scientists will aid us in countering their more..." Harry glances at Maximus nervously. "Their more, uh... harmful effects."
I facepalm mentally. He fucked that up so bad, they can feel it in China. Maximus keeps a cool expression, but I know he's using a mask, just like I do. I know his all too well. He used it on me before we ended it. Inside, he feels like he's been dumped in a vat of acid. He's facing yet another reminder of what his curse means for him and for those around him. If his curse wasn't changing his mind as well as his body... those are always harder to cure.
"Ah, about that..." Tina looks antsy. She must have something big.
"Yes, Techo Mist?" Louise asks.
"The third time we broke into a Centaur base, I uploaded a virus into their server. Its sole purpose is to discretely copy data and send it to a private server that's only accessible by me and the virus. Every time I check the server, I take any complete files it has. The thing is... they have no projects related to shapeshifting curses. Some speculation on modifying various natural-born shifter's powers. That said, I'm missing a few files. It is possible I just haven't caught it yet. Or all their research on it is handwritten."
Me and Maximus exchange glances.
"If Centaur isn't responsible for the cursed we've run into, then who is?" Kaikara says.
"Either it's a rouge magi-scientist or there's another organization of inter-worldly origin out there," Theodosia says.
All eyes turn to Maximus. He sighs in resignation.
"I don't remember much about the time I spent captured. I... try not to," he shudders. "I couldn't tell you much though. They kept me in a dark room, and I was chained. I don't know how they sent me back, but I can guess why. Testing. They want to see if we can counter their magic, and how effective they are."
The room goes silent. I sigh and downshift. I sit down, as everyone else who was standing does. This can not be good.
"Okay, that's enough for today. Teren, Maximus, Mist, and I will come up with a proposed budget for the next month. Katan, General, Theodosia, and Kaikara will come up with a proposed shift schedule. As usual, the drafts will be sent to all council members via email or letter, then voting will proceed until we reach a satisfactory agreement. Dismissed," Louise punctuates her statement by standing up and walking away. Most of the council still sits. Ashe and Harry stand up and head for the door. Teren stands and pulls Kaikara up as well.
"Hey, Kaikara. Phone conference tonight to talk about shifts, sound good?" I call as Teren pulls her out the door.
"Yeah, text me the time when you get the chance," She manages as the door closes behind her.
"Katan, you were quiet today," Theodosia stands up as well.
"I guess so. I just didn't have anything to say. Maybe next time," she shrugs. Now that I think about it, she seems a little off. Maybe I can grill her later.
Theodosia seems satisfied with her answer and begins to take her leave as well.
"That was an intense session," Maximus comments. I glance at him nervously. Oh god, being on the council of an organization we both helped found really makes our breakup more awkward. At least we're trying to bridge the gap.
"Yeah, I guess so," I say. I'm fidgeting with my shirt.
"Dude, you totally owned Kaikara back there!" Tina yells.
"She had it coming," George comments, staring at his phone.
"She's not wrong," Maximus starts. "We do need a stronger military presence in the areas we're protecting. I just don't agree with her method of going about it."
"I'm with you on that, but I also think there are other things that should take priority," I say. Great, my palms are extra sweaty. Fantastic. Super helpful.
Something buzzes in my pocket. I pull it out. My Avengers ID card. Shit, looks like there's an emergency.
"Hey," Maximus says. I look up at him. "What are you waiting for, hero? Go get 'em."
I grin at him and do a mock salute.
"I'll see you guys at Louise's place later, okay?"
Katan, George, and Mist all give me affirmation that they heard me. I shift to my draki form and run out the door. I pull my earpiece out of a pocket and put it in.
"Hey, is anybody listening? What's the sitch?" I ask. Am I on the right channel? Yeah, Avengers chat. I keep power walking my way to the teleportation hub.
"General, glad you could join the party," Iron Man responds. "What's your ETA?"
"Unless the teleportation hub where I'm at is down, within the next few minutes. If it is, might be an hour, at least. I'm in Ohio right now."
"We might not have an hour. Dr. Doom has unleashed a giant serpent on the city and its growing. Fast."
"Gotcha. Over and out," I remove my earpiece. I'll put that back in when I need it.
So its the World Serpent Episode? Nice. I know they can handle that on their own, but maybe this will be a chance for me to let loose and kick some ass. Make it easier to beat this. Or I can at least mitigate the damage. Help protect the buildings, etc, etc. Shit, the teleportation hub is closed. Why? I stop in front of the door. There's a note.
Due to an incident involving a giant slug, the teleportation hub is closed for cleanup. Seeing as it was a really giant slug, this is expected to take several days. - Teren.
I have so many questions, but I'll give Teren an earful later. I pull out my phone and text Katan.
Hey, are you available? The teleportation hub is down.
I see she's typing.
No, sorry. Already at Louise's place. You know the rules, have to wait at least thirty minutes before teleporting out, and even then you have to walk down her driveway. George is here too.
Fuck. If I'm not already in New York when she lets you go, find me and get me there.
K.
Informative. I pocket my phone. Fuck me gently with a chainsaw, why today of all days? I glance around. It would be too awkward for me to approach a random stranger and ask them to teleport me. Judging by my rising levels of social anxiety, I shouldn't even consider that at all. Okay, plan B. Standard CTG bases all have a hangar for flying guests like me, and they all have a side door entrance to the left of the door to the teleportation hub. The question is, how far to the left? We really need to start putting signs up around here. It could be any door. I guess I'll try the first one.
As I open the door, a mass of scaly necks and heads lurches out. I shriek and lean against the door in an attempt to get it back in there. WHat the hell? Who puts a hydra in a... what even is that room!? I feel the door start to open.
"Hey!" someone yells.
I feel extra force get added to the door. Someone's pushing beside me. My vision tints with a kaleidoscope of colors as I levitate my sword out of its sheath. Okay, time to see if this works. If I can superheat the blade using Nether energy, I can cause the necks to burn before the heads grow back. If that doesn't work, this will get a lot worse, but on the plus side I can check that off for future reference. Okay... here goes nothing. I swing my sword in the direction of the heads. Suddenly, the door becomes a lot easier to hold in place.
I back away from the door and inspect my handiwork. Ooh, it worked! So I could also use my blade to deliver a wound that's cauterized. Perfect for... unethical things.
"Nice move," the person to my right says. I turn to them.
"Thanks for the assist."
"Yeah, but who sticks a hydra in a broom closet?"
"Seriously, that's a broom closet?"
"Yeah."
I look at my new friend. All black, with a white skull-shaped brooch on their cloak to hold it in place. Wait, the bodysuit under their cloak has some really dark purple streaks in it, but I can't tell if that's a weird light reflecting on it or the actual color of the fabric. Even then, their cloak seems to cover most of their body while they're not doing anything. The hood is obscuring most of their face, but I can tell they have a darker skin tone. Latino.
I hold out my hand. "I'm General, but my friends call me Laurel. Well, they mostly call me 'Idiot' or various names that I can't repeat in public, but when I'm not around they use my name."
My cloaked friend chuckles and shakes my hand. Feminine hand, but bodily characteristics don't always tell you someone's gender.
"I'm Telantes."
"Telantes? You an angel?"
"No, I'm a Veerwese."
"Ah. Close, but not quite. Less of a douchebag as well."
Telantes chuckles again.
"Anyways, I'm running late for a thing, and the teleportation hub is down. I'm too socially anxious to ask for help, so which door heads to the hangar?"
"Next door over."
"Thanks!" I yell as I run for the door.
I open the door and quietly close it behind me. I hate it when doors close loudly. Okay, the hangar is empty, the door that connects us with the landing strip is open, I'm clear for takeoff. Hang on, my Avengers ID card is buzzing again. I pull my earpiece out of my pocket as I start running for the exit.
"General, where are you?" Iron Man chides me. I can hear Jormongon in the background.
"Sorry for the delay, having some issues. Long story short, the teleportation hub was down due to a previous incident, and then I couldn't get anyone to teleport me. I also had to deal with a hydra in a broom closet. Don't ask me why, I don't even fucking know how it got there. I'm exiting the hangar now."
"I'm... not gonna ask questions. Just hurry!"
"Trust me, hydra in a storage area isn't even the weirdest thing I've dealt with. General, over and out," I leap into the air, and as I soar higher and higher, I rip my earpiece out and shove it in my pocket.
Okay, I know I don't have to get there, as they can take care of it on their own, but it would be a good gesture for me to at least make an effort. Don't wanna get kicked off the team. That would be bad for my PR plan. Also bad for the "Don't-inadvertently-kill -everyone" plan. Whatever, just keep flying. Just keep flying. Just flying. Just keep flying, flying, flying! Gah, curse you Disney and your talking fish! Or should I be cursing Pixar? Eh, why not both? More the merrier.
I remember watching that movie as both of me. I don't remember where it when I watched it as plain-me, just the plot and the references, but as General-me I remember snuggling up with my nieces and nephews in the palace living room. We built a bunch of pillow forts that day, and I microwaved so many bags of popcorn. It was one of my days off, and Freddy needed a babysitter. I smile to myself. If I have any say in it, the next time I babysit we're gonna have a day like that again. More movies though. More family too. Alissa and Freddy need to be there. Katan too. Maybe Winter and Turner if they can stop arguing for five seconds.
Whoah whoah whoah, what the hell is that? I stop and hover in place. That looks like a rift in the fabric of space-time. Not good. At least it's on the side of a backroad, and not near Ohio's busier areas. Wait, am I even still in Ohio? Maybe I've crossed over into Pennsylvania by now. Regardless, I've got to close that rift before it gets worse. Who knows what could come out of that thing?
I dive down towards the rift. Need to be about twenty feet away in case its radiating something toxic or dark magic. I bring two fingers to my temple and my vision tints blue for a moment. Let's see what we got. There appear to be some strings of magic radiating from the rift. The rift is black, but the magic is maroon. The strings are thick but full of holes. And while they emanate from all around the rift, eventually they all twist and end up in the same direction. They all head North. Since I can't see through the strings, they're either fresh or current, suggesting someone is feeding the rift magic.
Either those are the trails left by someone levitating a large number of small objects that all have the same enchantment, or those lines lead to whoever or whatever is holding it open. It's best to investigate where those trails lead before getting any closer to the rift. That said, it doesn't appear to be dangerous at the moment. I don't see any signs of dark magic or instability.
I back away from the rift and start running North. I jump in the air and begin flying. The trail seems to go on for a while. It seems unfeasible that someone would levitate small objects this far. Two explanations, they were showing off, or they're stuck in one location. The rift and its trails both kind of feel like the energy that comes from a portal, but to where? And why is it maroon? That's not a common magic color. If it was levitating enchanted objects, I could understand as the enchantment would leave a trail in the exact same spot the levitation would, thus mixing the colors. And I was only looking at the top layer of the energies, so I could have missed something, as I didn't want to deactivate my vision enhancement spell and put on my glasses.
Maybe I should go back and take a second peak with my glasses on. Rifts and portals tend to be straightforward, but you never know. I wish I thought of that before I got ten miles away from the rift. Seriously, how long do these trails go on fo- there! I slow down and start lowering myself.
Okay... what am I looking at? There's no sign of sentient life, so a slow approach is safe. Could go faster, but they could just be invisible. And using a damn good cloaking spell, because I don't see any trace of magic that could indicate invisibility. Of course, could be a potion, or just on a layer I'm not looking at. Or something I can't see. Kind of annoying that not every kind of magic is visible.
I begin my approach on the scene. This looks like the scene of some sort of ritualistic spell, judging by the piles of ash scattered around a black painted circle. There's a black candle at each of the four cardinal points on the circle. Either they couldn't get any other candle, or they had some dark intentions when opening the rift. The inside of the circle is covered in symbols. Some are scratched into the ground, some are painted with the same stuff as the circle. Some of them overlap with each other. Powerful stuff, considering that. They all have a slightly maroon afterglow to them. The maroon must be the color belonging to whoever cast this spell.
I walk a few laps around the circle before drawing my sword. I could scratch a hole in the circle wall, but that might release a bunch of energy I don't want to get exposed to if I can't power it down first. The candles are still lit... the flames on the wick are what's keeping the rift powered. The fire symbolizes the energy, yadda yadda, take out the flame, take out the rift. Just in case...
I use my sword to scratch lines through the symbols on the edge of the circle. A few closer to the middle too... fuck it. I levitate my sword and use it to scratch lines through all the symbols... and now I've put a snowflake through every symbol. Well, better safe than sorry. My vision is tinted with a kaleidoscope of colors as I make the wind pick up. The candle flames blow out. I levitate the candles off the ground and throw them into the distance. Alright. The light show in my eyes dies down and I use my sword to scratch an X through the entire circle. And a zig-zag. And a loop de loop. And a... okay, now no one can tell what used to be here. Better safe than sorry I guess. Need to stop justifying my OCD and perfectionist urges with that. But it's so satisfying to do it!
I look up to get the magic trai- shit. Good news, the magic trails leading to the rift are fading, meaning that rift is closing. Bad news, I got so carried away with marking the circle that I missed the circle of masked bad guys forming around me. Wait... that gear... shit, they're using stealth gear that has stuff embedded in it to mask their energy signatures. I would know, I've helped design more than my fair share of gear like that. Not my designs though. It's... sloppier. As if an amateur made it. But that explains why I didn't notice. The gear also has stealth tech. They turn invisible, and then the energy masking kicks on. They formed around me while invisible, and waited until my guard was down to strike. But now... why haven't they made a move? Guess I need to test the waters.
"Ladies, gentleman... may I ask who I have the pleasure of being ambushed by?" I look around the circle. Silence. I can't even see movement under the masks. Do they have Slenderman faces?
Buzzing in my pocket. Fuck.
"Anyone object if I get that?"
Silence still. I'll take that as a go ahead. They don't appear to have guns. They all have rather large knives and swords though. I pull my earpiece out of my pocket.
"General, what the fuck are you doing in the middle of a field in Pennsylvania?" Iron Man's less than pleasant voice comes through.
"Getting ambushed."
"So that's your- what?"
"I'm getting ambushed. Well, I guess they already ambushed me. Now they're just standing in a creepy circle around me."
"Who ambushed you?"
"I dunno. They're wearing generic bad guy uniforms. All black, no skin showing. No logos. Goggles."
"I... do you need back up?"
"Probably, but you guys have bigger problems. Besides, I've been in worse situ- whoah!" I narrowly dodge a knife aimed at my sternum. Oh dear.
"General, what's going on?"
"Just dodging- ah! Dodging knives!"
I feel like I'm playing a really intense rhythm game, except there's no beat and the worst case scenario is a lot worse than popping five or more joints at once. Although judging by the noise and pain coming from different parts of my body right now, that's still an option. Ow. I do a backbend and grab my sword as I dodge a punch.
"General, we need to have a talk when you get back."
"Why not have it n-OW! YOU ASSHOLE! WHY THE HELL DID YOU TRY AND STAB MY WING? EVERYONE KNOWS THAT DOESN'T WORK!" The dick who tried that is levitated off his feet and thrown about thirty feet into the air and twenty feet away. Sayonara sucker!
"No, you deal with... whatever you're dealing with. We'll talk later."
"Alright. General out! But as in I'm going off the comm, not as in I've been taken out," I jump in the air, kicking two bad guys in the face as I do so. I pull my comm out and shove in my pocket before I hit the ground.
Let's get to work. I count about twenty-five hired goons, and that's counting the guy who tried to stab my wing. I swing my sword in a horizontal arc, sending a wave of energy into about ten guys. Four dodge it. Looks like two got it in the chest, three to the head. One now has his arm dangling at a funny angle. Whoops. I draw my pan and throw it in the face of the guy whose arm was hurt. I have a clean break in that direction!
I start running, grabbing my pan as I pass it. I stick it in my sheath as someone grabs my arm. Fuck, now wha- OW! NEEDLE IN MY MOTHERFUCKING NECK!
I kick the person behind me as I tuck into a front roll. I splay my wings out as I roll so that they don't get in the way. The second my feet touch solid ground, I stand up, turning so that whoever needled me gets stabbed in the gut. I need to get out of here, cause I think they injected something into me. Probably did. They're trying to cover for my back, so let's change tactics. I charge at the other side of the ring around me. I leap, using my wings to get extra distance, then dropping into a steep glide I crash into about five guys. Two of them got run through with my sword, the rest were temporarily taken out by my weight. I get off the bodies and run. I leap into the air, gaining altitude as quickly as I can. I turn and start flying backward.
They're following me, but on foot. I can easily lose them, unless whatever they stuck in me was a GPS tracker. I sheath my sword and start channeling Nether energy into my hands. My hands begin to glow, then light makes them disappear from view. Before I blow my hands off, I should let those go. Two orbs the size of Hulk's head for the bad guys. That'll probably leave a crater, and break their bones, but they'll probably call backup and get help. I need to fly as fast as I can and as far as I can. NYC first to deal with the World Serpent, then to the NYC CTG base to get checked out for whatever they might have stuck in me.
I pull my comm out of my pocket. I press the button that Tina says calls her and stick the comm in.
"Laurel, you're online yet again. What's up?"
"Not much, just got ambushed by overtly generic bad guys."
"Whoah, you okay? Need medical care?"
"I probably do, but only because they injected something into my bloodstream. Didn't take much other damage."
"How do you know that?"
"Well, there's a thin line of warm and sticky wetness running from where they stuck me on the neck. Either they injected me or they just drew blood."
"Oh, that makes sense."
"Hey, can you send Leo my coordinates? I need to borrow his flying bed."
"Not the weirdest thing you've asked me to do, but it's close. I'm on it."
"Thanks, I need to write a report on what happened a bit ago, in case the people who needled me had interworldly ties, and it's easier to do in bed."
"Are you seriously that lazy?"
"No, I also have to keep flying to New York City to deal with the giant snake attacking. It's easier to fly and write in the flying bed."
"Gotcha. Mist out."
I pull my comm out, press the button that's supposed to switch to the Avengers line, and stick back it in. I listen to the chatter. Hmmm... looks like they're just getting to the part of the episode where they decide to send the serpent through the portal what's-his-name came through. Ulick? Whatever, it's the only time he's featured in the show.
My clothing changes for no reason. I'm wearing all black now... I start falling as I realize what happened. Okay, so whatever those bad guys stuck in my system neutralized my shapeshifting magic and eventually reverted me back to my standard form. So now I'm free falling to my death. Yay.
I grab the edges of my cloak and spread them so that my fall turns into a really fast glide. Still too fast for me to survive to land like this, but enough I can see where I'm going and aim. Looks like I'm starting to approach the New York-Pennsylvania border. Alright, alright. My eyes must be glowing, because my vision was tinted blue for a second. My fall begins to slow as I levitate myself. And... I stop midair. There we go.
"Hey Laurel! Need a ride!?" A voice calls from below me.
I look down. A black haired Latino man in a floating bed, holding onto a steering wheel that attaches to the foot of the bed. Leo. I grin at him as I lower myself to a safe distance before dropping onto the bed, narrowly missing the metal bar that connects the steering wheel to the foot of the bed.
"Heya Leo, heading to New York?"
"No, I'm teleporting back home after I drop this off with you. Make sure to fill the tank up before you bring it back," He starts to get out of the bed.
"Alright, I will. Tell the fam 'hi' for me."
"Will do Laurel, as long as you're still coming over for dinner this Saturday."
"Wouldn't miss it for the world. Well, I would, but it would have to be something really major before I even thought about it."
Leo rolls his eyes at me and gets out from under the covers of the bed. He drops from the bed and disappears in a flash of light. I take his spot under the fluffy brown blanket. Ooh, warm! I grab the steering wheel. Next stop, New York! Wait... how do I make this thing go? There's no gas pedal. Fuck. Hey, there are buttons on the steering wheel... maybe those? This one is green, so...
The bed rockets forward so fast I barely have time to register what the fuck just happen. I let go of the button and lay down. I... I need to process that. I think I left my stomach behind. How far did I go? I... I think I'm almost to the city. When I rocketed forward, the bed must have been pointed to the side of the city, because that's where I am now. I sit up and lightly tap the button I pressed a minute ago. I get it, it's like a gas pedal, but for hands. And also sensitive. I need to be careful. Maybe we should install some better tech on this thing. I take a light grip on the go button and turn the steering wheel. At least that's well oiled. With my free hand, I reach into my pocket and grab my Avengers ID card. A holographic display appears above it.
"Okay... let's hope voice activation works this way. Umm... directions to the rest of the team?"
The display takes the shape of an arrow pointing towards the city. Let's hope it takes me to the right part. Wait... should I fly over the buildings or around them? Eh, I don't want to accidentally end up on the moon by trying to adjust the height this thing is flying at, so around it is. I start doing some precision turns weaving my way to the team. Ooh, there is so much damage. The streets have giant ruts running through them. Cars are overturned, windows shattered, some fires here and there. Hey, that one is a little too out of control. I summon some water from my hand and douse the flames. That building over there caved in... wow. I should have gotten here sooner. So much destruction. I think the city evacuated shortly after the snake came out of the ground, so the loss of life was small, if not nonexistent, but still. Hey, there they are!
Shit, I need to lower the bed! Hey... the bar connecting to the foot of the bed... it's kind of flexible. I pull on the steering wheel, causing the foot of the bar to move up. The bed goes up. I push the steering wheel up. The bed goes down. Sweet! I drive the bed forward and down to my team as they stare at me in shock.
"Hey guys! Looks like I missed a party!"
"Why do you have a flying bed?" Hawkeye cuts right to the chase.
"Well, I was going to write a report on the way here on the guys who ambushed me, and I had to fly because... it was a long day, it still is, and did you guys beat the snake?"
"Back up, you were ambushed?" Falcon says."Yes. I noticed a rift in the fabric of spacetime on my way up from Ohio, so I investigated the source and closed it. Then twenty-six or so guys turned off whatever stealth tech they were using and I was surrounded. I made a breach in their ring around me, almost made a clean break, got needled in the neck, then made a clean break and probably broke all their bones in a small Nethery explosion. Then I called a friend to ask another friend to let me borrow their flying bed. After I managed to receive the flying bed, I accidentally pumped the accelerator too hard and ended up flying from the New York-Pensylvania border to the city limits, and now you know what you need to know. If you guys took care of the giant growing snake, I need to go and get medical treatment, because whatever the guys who ambushed me injected me with is blocking my shapeshifting magic and Starskie knows what else."
The Avengers present look at me with shock. Geez, I thought they dealt with this kind of stuff before. Unless...
"Trust me, this is not the weirdest part of my day... actually, all of that happened in the last hour. Holy shit time flies when you're horrifically inconvenienced by various magical disasters."
"General, remember that talk I said we needed to have," Iron Man asks.
"Yes, I do, but if you guys took care of the snake, and this is the third time I've asked, it can wait so I can have some blood tests done."
"Yes, we took care of the- you do realize you're bleeding, right?" Cap says.
"I'm aware. Its where I got needled during the ambush. Now if that's all..." my phone buzzes, interrupting me. I pull it out. Shit, it's Tina.
"Hey, I think I need to take this. Does anyone mind?" No one objects.
I hit accept and bring the phone to my ear.
"Laurel, bad news. None of the CTG bases in New York have a doctor who's able to do a proper blood test on you."
"How do you know that?"
"Because I just checked. The nearest one is in New Jersey. Oh by the way, we finished with what Louise wanted us to do. Turns out some teenagers were sneaking onto her property to try and summon Satan, but they actually summoned a Wendigo."
"First of all, we have a base in New Jersey?"
"Yup."
"Okay, second of all, how do you fuck up a summoning spell that badly? I swear... a Wendigo!? For a Satan summoning spell!? How even... a different kind of demon I could understand, but Wendigoes aren't even from the same lore... fricking occultist teenagers I swear..."
"Tell me about it."
"Anyways, I'm gonna head to Jersey if that's okay. Text me the base coordinates I don't get lost."
"On it. Talk to you later."
"See ya Mist," I hang up.
I look around at my team as I receive a text message. Tina. Why are they all looking at me like that?
"What?" I say.
No one answers. Maybe my life is a little weird.
"Okay then, I'm gonna go-" I try to hit the gas but it doesn't work. I press the bed steering wheel accelerate button again. Shit.
"On second thought, can I get a ride? This thing's out of gas."
The day is only going to go downhill from here.