Chapter 31
Nadine
Paulo “hid” the ring in his underwear drawer.
I mean, leaving aside the cliché of it, does he really not register that I do all of the laundry? As in wash it, dry it, and put it away.
Of course I was going to find the damn ring!
But in the end, it doesn’t matter.
Doesn’t matter whether Paulo was hoping I’d just stumble across the ring in the least romantic proposal of all time, or whether he’s just oblivious.
In the end, finding that red jewelry box was the wake-up call I needed.
Not just a wake-up call that I can’t marry Paulo, because I’ve known that for weeks.
No, finding that box made me realize something even more disturbing:
I’ve been using Paulo.
I’ve been lying next to him night after night, trying to remember how to be in love with him, when really my every thought and every dream was consumed with someone else.
Of course, I don’t tell him this last part when I break up with him.
Instead, I sit him down when he gets home from work and quietly, kindly tell him that it’s not working out.
The irony isn’t lost on me.
I didn’t intend to, but in the end, I dumped him in the very same location he dumped me months earlier.
And to his credit, he handles me breaking up with him with more dignity than I did.
He doesn’t even look surprised, and because I know him well—almost as well as I know James—I narrow my eyes.
“Paulo.”
He looks up.
“You don’t exactly look crushed,” I say with a faint smile. “Particularly considering I found a certain key piece of jewelry in your dresser drawer.”
He groans and leans forward until his forehead touches the kitchen counter. “I’m an idiot.”
“Because you were going to propose when we’ve barely connected? Haven’t even had sex?”
He snorts. “I know. I was going to return it. I just…”
I prop my elbow on the table, then put my chin on my hand. “You just…”
“I thought that buying that ring…committing to you, would make me forget—”
I sit up straighter. “Oh my God. You’ve still got a thing for Jodie.”
“No!” He sits up. “No, I…fuck. I don’t know. I haven’t seen her but I keep thinking about her. Wondering…”
I smile then, a bittersweet kind of smile, and stand. I lean forward and impulsively kiss the top of his head. “You should tell her.”
“She’s got a boyfriend.”
I lift a shoulder. “Tell her anyway. I think we both know that it’s possible to be dating one person and thinking of another.”
He searches my face. “James?”
I swallow.
Nod.
Paulo blows out a breath. “I knew it. That song at karaoke…that was for him, wasn’t it?”
My eyes fill as I remember that moment. It seems strange that it was just the night before, because I feel like I’ve had a lifetime to reflect on it.
I can’t stop thinking about what it felt like to pour my entire heart and soul into the lyrics of that gorgeous, heartbreaking song.
My heart still feels the ripping agony of telling James how I felt even if he didn’t know I was telling him.
My heart freezes as a thought strikes me. What if James did know?
If Paulo caught on, why wouldn’t James?
Oh God. What if that’s why he vanished last night?
We all assumed he’d picked up some girl at the bar, and I’d hated that scenario, but I hate this one a lot more. What if James figured out what I was trying to tell him, and ran?
Paulo stands and walks me to the door.
I pick up the overnight bag I’d left by the front door in anticipation of this precise moment. The moment when I walked away from the guy I once thought I’d marry.
“Bye, Paulo.”
He leans forward, kisses my cheek. “Bye, Nadine.”
And just like that, it’s over.
It’s over and I’m okay with it.
Well, not okay. Because there’s a huge hole in my chest—a hole that has nothing to do with the guy I’ve just broken up with.
The smart thing to do is to go to my parents’. Or Myrtle's or Mika's.
Or even a hotel.
I need to think things over. To figure out my game plan.
I get in my car and drive to my parents’. I make it all the way to their driveway, but not out of the car.
I put the car in reverse.
Retrace my route back to downtown, but this time, I’m not going back to Paulo's place.
I’m going home.
