diary

Day 3

Date : 2nd June
Time : 22:17pm
Day : Sunday :((

Things have taken a turn for the worst. I don't know where to start but I for one can say that I'm truly heartbroken... The guy that I've only had eyes for since I was 9 years old found himself a girlfriend, according to him, she is smart, sweet and pretty, and is someone that I could never, ever dream of becoming. She is so perfect in his eyes and I'm happy for them but that pang of jealousy that I feel in my chest just won't go away.
I've rejected about every guy that's confessed to me (even those that I had grown to trust) just in hopes that we'd be able to have a shot at each other. What was I thinking? I'd never be that perfect girl for him... I'd never be the one that he'd save his last dance for, I'd never be the one in his heart.

I am pathetic this way, I guess, but that's what makes me who I am. I'm not pretty, talented or smart but I do have feelings too... Somehow, I just wished that he'd known how I truly felt towards him 'cause I am on the brink of giving up. I've been silently staying by his side all these years and yet I go unnoticed, as if I was expected to be the one who cares for him, as if it was merely just my job. He took me for granted but yet, I'm not angry that he did. At least I still get to spend some time with him, even though I know that the time spent with him would never mean a thing. No matter how many times I tell him that I'll never feel pain if he dated anyone, I can't help to feel like I'm slowly dying on the inside.

People think that I constantly change who I like but the truth is, it's all been a lie. I've been lying to everyone, including myself because as far as I'm concerned, there's no one else in my life that I care about like how I care about him. There's no one else that I'd even give two hoots about. In my eyes, he's my one and only but in his eyes, I am but a friend. However much I try to ignore it, regret always tugs at my heart, regret that I didn't try to make my feelings for him clear enough. Maybe if I had told him everything, he'd have fallen for me, maybe, just maybe... Anyways, I got to go, I have get up early tomorrow.

Good night.

Yours truly,
Hui Li :: 🌃