spidey one shots

it takes time

{TW: Suicide, Transphobic family}

"I just wish she would see how much it affects me every day." I say to Ned for probably the 50th time this week. "She's been really on my case these past few days, and it's made me really dysphoric. How can I just make her understand?" I ask exasperated. 

"Dude, I know how much that's gotta suck, but Aunt May will come around eventually. Until then, just know that I'll always support you Pete." Ned says as we sit down for lunch. 

"Is the bitch still not accepting you?" MJ asks, shutting the book she was reading. 

"Yeah, she's been trying to get me to grow out my hair again, and she takes every opportunity to remind me that I'm physically a girl. It's just frustrating, and taking me off my game." 

"Hey, if you ever want me to go slap her, I will. Just let me know, Parker." MJ says before reopening her book. 

Later that day, I get home from patrol and as soon as I walk into the living room, I know something is up. "Graclynn Rosie Parker, what is this?" Aunt May asks, holding up one of my binders.

 "It's a binder. It flattens my chest." I explain calmly, while freaking out inside. 

"Why do you need to flatten your chest? You're a girl, girls are supposed to have boobs, Gracie." 

"No. It's Peter. I'm not a girl, I'm a boy, you know that. Now give it back." I say, reaching for the binder. 

 "I don't care if you wear a binder, or go by a stupid boy's name, or call yourself transgender, god made you a girl so that's what you are, you're never going to be a boy. Now go to your room!"She shouts. Crying, I run to my room and slam the door. 

I get back into my spider-man suit and go out the window. "Peter, you seem to be distressed. Should I alert Tony?" Karen asks. 

"No, don't tell him. I just need to be alone." I say before turning Karen off. I swing for awhile before stopping on top of a tall building, my eyes still blurry from crying. The night plays over in my head, as well as many others that may and I have had like this since Ben died. (TRIGGER WARNING) I pull out my knife and before I know what's happening, blood is running down my arms and I'm getting dizzy. I fall off the edge of the building as my sight goes black.

"Is he awake?" I hear someone, a woman, ask quietly. 

"Not yet. Hopefully he will be soon." I hear a man reply- no, not just a man, that's Tony. I fight to open my eyes and shift slightly before clearing my throat.

 "What's going on?" I ask Wanda and Tony. They look at each other and then come sit next to me.

"What do you remember last, kid?" Tony asks gently. 

"Uh I think I was... crying... on top of a building? Yeah, that's it, and then I was falling." I say, still kind of dazed.

"Okay. Do you know why you were upset?" Wanda asks. I think for a second, and last nights events come rushing back to me. 

"Oh god. Oh fuck. W-Why didn't it work?" I ask, and they look at me with pity.

 "Peter, why did you want it to work? Was it May again?" Tony asks. 

"Y-Yeah. She found one of my binders." I explain softly, drawing my knees into my body. "I- um, I should go." I say, getting up. "She'll get mad if i'm not home for lunch." 

"No. She knows what you tried to do, I called her. She'll be back soon, she just left to get a change of clothes." Tony says, guiding me back into bed. I look down at my arms, wrapped in gauze with blood seeping through.

 "Is she mad?" I ask, scared of his answer. "No, she's just worried. We all are." I sigh before laying down. 

"That's what she said last time. She said she was worried and that she accepted me, but after a week it was back to the arguing and guilting me into being more feminine. I couldn't take it anymore after our argument last night, so I just... tried again. The same thing will probably happen again. If she hasn't accepted me by now, she never will." I say, my eyes watery.

"Underoos, it's only been a year since you told her. Some things take time. She could just be having trouble adjusting, which is no excuse really, but you have to be patient. Things get better." Tony says, holding my hand. Wanda just nods and strokes my hair, which is surprisingly comforting.

"Gracie? Oh my god I was so worried, are you okay?" May asks while she rushes to my side. 

I sigh and answer, " I'm fine. And it's Peter, like I've told you." 

"Sorry, Peter, I promise I'm trying my best, it's just hard-" 

"Oh shut up. You're obviously not trying. You used my name and pronouns for what, a week? After that you just ignore me every time I remind you. And if you were really trying to accept me and understand, you wouldn't have taken my binder and screamed at me last night. Yeah, I was born a physical girl, but no, that doesn't mean I am one! I couldn't fucking take the constant ridiculing, misgendering, and dead naming, or all of the arguing. So yeah, I tried to kill myself- again. And no, I'm not okay, because living in this body is hard enough without being reminded of it every day when I come home and argue with you. Now please leave, I can't handle anymore right now." I'm out of breath at the end of my rant, and when I hear clapping I realize that some of the other avengers have come in too. 

"Gra- Peter. I'm sorry, truly. I had no idea how hard it is to be transgender. I- I know I can't make it up to you, but can we try again? I see now how much this affects you- hell, you'd rather die than be a girl, and I see that now. I thought this whole being a boy thing was an excuse for something else, and you were just trying to blame it on me. I see better now. I love you, but I know it will take time for you to love me again. All I want is a chance to show you that I'm really trying now." Aunt May is crying at the end of her talk, and I can see that she really is serious.

"Okay. If you're really going to try to see me for who I am, I think I can give you another shot." I say quietly, hugging her. We cry together for a minute or two, and after all the avengers have left we sit in silence. 

"... so, Peter? What do you need to be happy, how can I help you." She asks, rubbing circles into my hand.
"For starters... just be there. Use the right name and pronouns- I'll understand if you slip up. Don't yell at me when you find my binders, don't try and pressure me to grow my hair out. And once we're in a good place, maybe we can legally change my name? And look into a gender therapist?" I say the last two things kind of quiet, because i'm still hesitant to be myself around her. 

She smiles at me and says "Yeah, I think we can do that. I just want you to be happy." And in this moment, I am. I know it will take time for her to be fully supportive, but in the meantime, I'll take what I can get. I fall asleep with May holding my hands, and I have never been more at peace.
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world count: 1323
A/N: this was an extremely hard chapter to write. It's loosely based off of what happened to me when I came out as trans...except, my happy ending hasn't come yet. Please be aware that attempting suicide will not make people accept you, nor will it solve all of your problems if you're dead! You're never alone, I love you. Please message me if you're feeling suicidal or unloved, I've been there and I know how much a supportive friend can mean. Stay safe y'all, I hope you enjoyed the chapter.