Here for you ~ starkbucks (winteriron)

Please stay

(Bold italics like this are the winter soldier in Bucky's head and normal italics like this is Bucky in his head if that makes sense lol)

"So, what's your biggest fear?"
"Myself.."
Tony wrapped him into a tight hug, "No."
Bucky smiles sadly "what about you?"
"You."
"M-me?" Bucky's voice trembled.
"I'm scared that one day you'll look in the mirror and see yourself the way I see you. You will realise just how amazing you are and that you deserve so much better then me... I'm scared you'll leave."
"Oh, Tony..." He hugs him tighter, "I could never leave you... never again..."
"Promise...?"
"I promise."
"You deserve so much better then me..."
"Stop lying..."
"I'm not."
"Yes, you are. You're more then I deserve, Tony."

**

Tony came home to find Bucky ready to stab himself.
"You better put that knife down..."

Bucky begins to cry and Tony rushes to pull him into a tight hug.

"It's okay, I'm right here..."
"Give me one single fucking reason I shouldn't leave..." Bucky says, meaning leave as in commit....

He went upstairs into the bedroom and Tony followed, but he wouldn't let Tony in.

"I'm begging you please don't lock yourself in our room..." Tony said, Bucky cried more and he desperately tried to get the door open. Bucky couldn't be alone right now.

"Don't shut me out."
"W-Why are you being like this?"
"I'm worried about you..."
"J-Just l-leave.."
"Please Bucky..."
"I'm a m-monster..."
"No you're not."
"Y-Yes I am... the voice in my head, the dreams... I can't take this anymore..."
"P-Please don't cry..."
"T-Too late..."
Tony slumps down the door, helpless. "Please Bucky... let me in..."
"I n-never told you what h-he says to m-me, d-did I...?"
"N-No..."
"He... he tells me that I'm worthless. That without him, I'm n-nothing. That my true place is.. with HYDRA.  And... I should go back t-to them. That I should k-kill anyone who isn't HYDRA... especially y-you..."
"Bucky... you belong here. You are not worthless or nothing. I love you and I want to know you are okay. I know it isn't enough, I know I don't help you, but I really care about you and I wish I could make it all go away..."

More tears traced Bucky's cheeks, as he opens the door. Tony pulls him into a hug "Please... stay... I can't loose you..."
Bucky flinched at the contact, before Tony has discovered him with the blade, he had already dug it a bit into his chest, but he didn't pull away.

"P-Please..."
"I... I won't... I'm s-sorry..."
"It's okay.. I'm sorry I can't help..."
"It's... it's not your fault..."
'Can't you see he's broken?'
"No... I should have been here for you and I wasn't. I'm sorry..."
"It's okay..."
'Be quiet, S-Soldier...'
'Hear me out.'
'Why the fuck should I listen to you...?'
'I remind you to pick up coffee for Stark because he likes coffee.'
'Fuck you're right...'
Tony didn't say anything, he just wanted to stay like this, holding eachother close, because that is all that mattered.
'I know I am. You should stab him in the back- literally. Right  now. Do it. You still have the blade. Then you can go back to your real home. Where you belong. With HYDRA.
'You say the coffee stuff just to get my attention then you pull this shit. Not happening.'
'Fine...'
"Thank you.." Bucky meant that to be for he soldier, but then realised it was for Tony, too.
"For what?"
Bucky smiles sadly, burying his face in Tony's shirt.

"Everything."
"Your welcome..." Tony hugs him tightly.

They eventually went to bed, Bucky still wrapped in Tony's
arms. Bucky was so tired from the days events that he fell into the realm of unconsciousness almost immediately, and no dreams came to haunt him- his tortured mind was too worn out to conjure anything at this point.