Wanted ||| Ateez

10

Later that day, Jongho and Yeosang came to help May pack her things so they could get ready to head to the airport. They were flying to England that night for the next stop of the tour.

She was distracted the entire time. Not only was the toll of her punishment much worse than last time, she was starting to doubt herself.

They have been so kind to me... That doesn't matter, idiot. You are getting paid to carry out this assignment. Just do it already... What if I don't want to... You have to... What if I can't...

She sighed and got up to go get some ice for her head.

In the hallway, she ran into Seonghwa. He looked startled for a second, but then he looked at the floor as if ashamed of something. "How are you feeling?" He asked softly.

"I'm ok. Are you ok though, Seonghwa?"

She saw him biting his lip and he wrung his hands. He was nervous about something; she could tell that much.

"I'm... Just going to get some ice. Do you want to go with me?"

He nodded quickly and fell into place next to her. They walked in silence for a long time, no one else in the hallway with them.

May glanced around, the hairs on the back of her neck rising.

"I'm sorry I had to leave last night," He said suddenly. He had a pained tone to his voice. "I don't... I don't do well with the sight of blood, not since... Not since my family was murdered in front of me."

May stopped walking and stared at him. "What?" she choked out, not really wanting him to answer.

"I was five." He stared at the wall next to them. "A man had broken into my house. My parents must have expected it because they hid me in the closet and told me not to make a sound. I felt so helpless," tears started rolling down his cheeks, but his tone stayed the same. "All I could do was watch as the man stabbed them both, over and over... They bled to death, right in front of me. And I did nothing..." His fists clenched.

May stood there for a long moment, afraid of the hidden meaning that could be behind his story.

"I got one look at him as he left. His face was scarred, and I remember the dead look in his eyes."

Joe... May had to work very hard not to gasp. Instead, she reached out to grab his fist, wrapping it in both her hands. She felt him relax immediately. Stop it, stop it. Why are you doing this? She ignored her inner thoughts and stared at their hands.

He opened his fist to hold her hand and led her to the ice machine. Neither one spoke on the way back, but she could see the soft smile in his eyes.

If he ever found out...

You better hope that day never comes. Just finish your mission and leave.

---

The trip to the airport, and even boarding the plane, was all a blur to May. She felt hands guiding her along, so she got where she needed to go, but she didn't really register anything.

Some of the crew tried to ask her if she was ok, but the boys waved them off. They had formed a protective wall around her, concerned by how she was acting.

They seated themselves on the plane in the same arrangement as always. May by the window and Jongho sat next to her.

She had noticed that he was always the closest one to her, but she didn't know how she felt about it.

After Seonghwa had shared that secret with her, she snuck into the bathroom to write it down in her notebook, feeling guilty the entire time. She yelled at herself internally to get a grip, but when she saw the pained look on her face in the mirror, she almost lost it.

That's when the numb feeling had taken over. What do I want? I don't understand what's going on... You're a trained killer. You want to finish your mission and go home. They are starting to trust you now, so get your target alone and finish the job... but what if I can't...

The internal battle was giving her a headache. She curled up into a ball in her seat and tucked her face into her knees.

---

The next two concerts were also a blur. She managed to get through them successfully, using all her focus to translate properly. She even let herself celebrate a little with the boys. But she had withdrawn into herself a little.

Her nightly check-ins were getting harder. Her boss was getting more upset each day she delayed, and she was running out of excuses.

It's now or never. This is what you've been trained to do.

May took a deep breath and marched out of her hotel room down to his room, fully intending to ask him to go on a walk with her. She was just about to knock on his door when she heard laughter from the room behind her and the door opened.

Hongjoong paused, then smiled, "Alice! We were just coming to get you! We wanted to go out for a bit and enjoy the city." He motioned for the others to follow him and they left the hotel. May sent a silent prayer to the heavens, secretly thankful they had stopped her...