Where We Come Alive

Chapter 1: 180 Days

I stare at the splashes of color on my own art thinking back to the emotions behind each stroke. The blue and purples swirls remind me of that fateful night. All I remember is walking down a street I didn't recognize not knowing how I got there. After walking three blocks in heels I didn't remember buying, a police officer stopped me. I couldn't remember a single thing since my 18th birthday. I remember the blue of his uniform and the weak smile that crossed his face as he told me 5 months had passed.That's 180 days I could not remember. I sat there for what felt like hours trying to recall a single thing that happened. All I could see was my mother's smile as Simon and I left that night. My mind was racing at all the possible ways I ended up on that street alone. Where was my mom? Simon? Why was no one even looking for me?

  Right when I was beginning to spiral my step father, Luke Garroway showed up. I remember his warm familiar smile. The way he hugged me so tightly. I thought for a moment everything was going to be okay. That hope was crushed by the silence on the car ride home. I could see the worry on his face. Something wasn't right and I knew in my gut that I wasn't going to the life I remembered. Over the next few days Luke told me how my mom and I were in a really bad car wreck the day of my birthday. My mother was killed on impact and I had a severe head injury. I had just gotten out of the hospital the day before. My healed brain blocked out the trauma of the last few months.

Sounds completely unbelievable.....I know. I cried and yelled until I had no voice. I didn't want to believe it was true. I wallowed in self pity. The guilt of not remembering my own mother's death clawed at me. I stayed under my blankets at Luke's apartment for a straight week. I knew I was mourning my mother but it felt like I was also mourning something more. I felt empty like something inside me was missing. Maybe it was Simon. Somehow my best friend had moved away when I needed him most. He called twice that week, but now barely responded to texts. I felt like I had nothing. Everything I ever thought I wanted seemed to be gone. After that first week, Luke was pretty much over my wallowing. He came home with an canvasand paint. He reminded me how my mother had taught me to take everything I'm feeling and put it my art. So I did. A few months later I was enrolled at the Brooklyn Academy of Art.

"Clary." Katie squealed, walking into the showroom for the first time, "This is so crazy." Katie was another student here and we had clicked immediately both being new at this school. Tonight was an exciting night. At the end of every semester Brooklyn Academy of Art put on a show displaying the students best pieces. Since this was the end of our first semester, this was the first time Katie and I had seen our art displayed this way. Truth was I was nervous. Those paintings displayed so many feelings. The good, the bad and the ugly. Even looking at them took me back to that place. I had found my place here. I was happy, but those warm colors brought back that feeling that something was missing. Like somehow I was void of something monumental that happened to me. I try to ignore that feeling and just put it into my art, but every once in a while it creeped back up. "Your paintings look even more beautiful on display," she smiled her brown eyes gleaming. "But what about those sketches of that angel boy?" I blushed. I had seriously thought about putting my charcoal sketches up. I had spent hours on them, but somehow it felt too personal. "Angel Boy" as Katie had nicknamed him was the focal point and he was basically a figment of my imagination. When I was at my lowest point last year I started having dreams about him. His uniquely beautiful eyes, the strands of his perfect, golden locks and that smile that somehow brought me comfort. As the dreams got more vivid I started drawing him. I guess I just wasn't ready to share him with the world.

Hours later, the gallery was in full swing. Two of my paintings had been sold and I could not be happier. Maybe things were finally going my way. I mean this year had been a struggle, but I had school and my friends. I definitely felt like I was exactly where I needed to be. I looked up and a man leaning against the wall a few feet away caught my eye. He looked......exactly like angel boy. My heart dropped as I approached him. Everything was exactly like my dream, down to the brown speck in those glorious blue eyes. He was real? I mean this was impossible. People did not just hop out of your imagination. I noticed worry cross his face as I got closer and I felt a pit in my stomach. He seemed surprised by my attention. He took a step back as I finally stood before him. "Sorry I didn't mean to spook you."

"You can see me," he asked softly.

"Of course I can see you." I replied. What kind of question was that? It's not like he was invisible. Apparently I had spooked him, because seconds later he was headed through the door. Everything in my body told me to go after him. I mean, none of this made sense, but I suddenly had the feeling he was connected to those months I couldn't remember. So I ran after him. I followed him to the alley behind the build.

"Hey!" I yelled from behind him, but he kept walking, " Hey, I'm talking to you." He stopped abruptly. Somehow I could feel that he was struggling with something. He turned around just as I caught up with him. "Don't I know you from somewhere," I asked. He looked sad, like he was missing something or someone, but that didn't stop him from being the most gorgeous guy I had ever seen. Just being this close to him I could feel the pounding of my heart getting louder.

"No. I don't think so." He shook his head.

"No, I definitely do." It was more of a feeling but then suddenly like lightning I could remember his name. It's like I've known the whole time, "You're Jace, right?" As I said his name his entire face changed. It was like he was waiting for me to say it.

"Yea. I'm Jace." he smiled.

It was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. I couldn't help but smile back. The energy between us immediately changed and I felt a pull of some kind. It felt familiar and new all at once.

"I'm Clary." I said as his smile grew bigger and I tried to study every part of his face and commit it to memory. How I could possibly not remember him? Every feeling he evoked made it obvious that he was important somehow. I know it. As I tried to take all of this in, I was suddenly drawn to the tattoo on his neck. In my dreams he never had tattoos.

"What are these tattoos on your neck?" I asked, touching his skin. I felt mesmerized by the black lines on his skin, almost like they were calling to me. I traced the ones on his neck and felt Jace go still under my touch. What exactly was I doing? "Sorry. I don't know what I'm thinking.....I feel like I'm absolutely insane. My life has felt off for months and now I'm dreaming people to life. None of this makes sense."

"Hey," Jace whispered, taking my hand and my mind immediately slowed, focusing on him.  "You are not crazy. This is all my fault. I should not have come here."

"So you do know me?" I watched his face change. The emotion beneath those beautiful eyes was so clear. Something had happened. Something big that I was not suppose to know about. Yet here he was.....why? Maybe we were friends and he just couldn't let go. I wasn't sure, but I did know we were connected somehow. 

"Yes," he finally answered as something beeped in his pocket. He dropped my hand to look at his phone. "I have to go," Jace said his tone completely changing.

"Wait," I said grabbing his arm as he passed me. "Promise me you'll come back." He looked me straight in the eyes the down at his phone. "I promise."