Confusion

Secrets Revealed

After the long talk and planning that you and the boys had made, Sam crawled into the guest bedroom and you could hear snoring from his room, while Dean got stuck with your couch; which he wasn't complaining too much about compared to hotel beds. You, however, went to bed believing that you could get a good night's rest but ended up not getting much sleep at all. Your anxiety got the best of you. You were worried about where Cas was, you worried about how you would be able to get back to America (although you loved London and part of you did not want to leave), and you just wondered how your dimension was destroyed and why you were so important that you were the single thing that was not destroyed. You honestly have not told Sam, Dean or Cas about your anxiety, but you were managing, so why would they have to know, sooner or later they would find a way to bring back your dimension; wouldn't they? I mean, they are Team Free Will, they always find a way to set things right after they make a mess of things? Thoughts like these rampaged through your mind throughout the darkness of the night and you barely got a wink of sleep.

    You pulled your groggy self out of bed when you began to smell something heavenly: no not bacon nor eggs nor pancakes. Coffee; caffeine. You don't normally drink coffee all the time, you go back and forth between coffee and tea. But considering your sleepless night, coffee was the best remedy.

    Sam was in the kitchen today making coffee; he looked cheerful like he got a good night's rest. Dean was still asleep on the couch so we spoke in whispers.

"Hey, y/n, you don't look so great."

"You don't say, Sam. Thanks for the compliment, but I was up all night worrying about stupid things."

"What do you mean y/n? You can tell me anything, I won't judge."

"Well, I was worried about how we will get back home, why I am here in this dimension, like why was I the chosen one to be saved. And..."

"What was that last one y/n?"

"Nothing Sam, it's not that important to be worried about."

"Well, considering it kept you up all night I would consider that it would be very important to you."

"Sam, I don't think I have told you this since I was put into this dimension, but I have anxiety and some things, well, I don't handle too well, while other things I am totally fine with. Like when Sherlock and I got into our childish fight, I was just angry, there was little to zero anxiety built up. But when I think about..."

At this point Sam had poured a cup of coffee for you and handed it to you, then he went and got another for himself. He breathed some of his coffee in and then set it down. He then after you took a whiff and a small sip went to set yours down as well. At that moment he gave you a warm hug. Sam lightly took his arm around your waist and lead you to the barstools by the countertop, where the two of you sat down and began to talk.

"Y/n, you know that we are all here for you no matter what."

In a whispered muffled tone you mumbled, "Well Cas isn't."

"What was that y/n? Was that the third thing that you still won't tell me? Please tell me, I know it will make you feel better. I know from past experiences that holding things in is not a great way to manage stress. Sometimes letting your emotions do their thing is the best way to relieve tension."

"Well, that makes me less embarrassed to tell you what I am about to tell you. Sam, I am worried about where Cas is and why he left me alone. I mean I understand that I have been here and John and I guess Sherlock care for me. But I have not been here in London for that long, I mean I love it here, but it just isn't my home. I mean my 'home-home' doesn't exist anymore. When you guys were just a TV show to me, I loved both you and Dean. I loved how you were so compassionate and smart. I loved how Dean was brave and believed that he could be the hero in any situation, even if it meant risking his own life. But, Cas was the one who stole my heart in the end, not literally. I just really fell in love with his character. He was so innocent when he came to Earth, not knowing anything about human culture. He came to make sure the two of you would save the world. Cas was not only innocent, but he was protective and at times was a badass angel; aka Hot wings. I knew they should have stuck with that nickname, gah, it would have been so great. Ok, back to what I was saying. Cas still is innocent, protective and badass, I guess that's why I like him. I was just really pissed off, scared, and I felt alone when he took off when he did. I wanted to know how I could get back to you guys. That's why I was so happy to see you guys and why I am so happy that you are here with me now. Thank you, Sam, for listening to me, that really did make a difference in my anxiety, maybe not my sleep. But hey, why was Sherlock with you?"

Sam's face clenched up a bit and he looked away from you. "Dean and I captured Sherlock and took him into another apartment for questioning. We were trying to find you and Cas, which we obviously found you, but not Cas. Just don't talk about it, Sherlock threatened to take our case to Scotland Yard if we tell anyone."

"Well, I would know not to mess with Sherlock." I let out a laugh.

Sam gave a grinchy smile, "So, you like Cas don't you?"

"Don't push it Samuel. I haven't finished my coffee this morning and you know how some people get when they haven't had their morning caffeine."

Sam put his hands up in the air in defeat and went to go finish making breakfast. However, what the two of you didn't know was that Dean was fake sleeping and listened to your whole conversation. Dean had suspicions before, but now they were confirmed that you liked Castiel. Although Dean did not know about your anxiety. He wondered why you didn't tell Sam and him before. They could have helped you. He decided before he had too deep of thoughts in the morning that he would get up and get himself some coffee.

Dean decided to test the boundaries on y/n, after observing that she had finished her coffee, "Hey, y/n, what did you say to Cas that made him want to 'whoosh' out of your apartment, eh?"

"Well, I just asked him what his plan was to do about me being in another dimension and just like that 'whoosh.' Look, Dean, I really don't want to talk about Cas right now. I'm not really in the mood and honestly, I am just going to go back to my room with my second cup, I want to see if I can relax a bit before we have to take action on our plans."

"Alright, that is A-ok with me," Dean winked. Before speaking again, Dean waited until you had shut your bedroom door, then he began to scold Sam, "Alright, Sammy, number one, when was she going to tell us that she was into Cas. And number two, why did she not tell us that she has anxiety?"

I know I don't have many readers, but the ones who are enjoying my story so far, would you please vote and comment? And please comment on how I am writing.