Fears of living

Facing Fears

In a long , narrow corridor in a abandon building somewhere in the remote area of Kolonel town all the doors is my fears

The first door I went is the fears of my family.  Though my family look like a very happy and wonderful family but it the inside it far worst 

It very scary at first but i just came to a point that there's no use crying on something that will never change . So I just give up on being sad but it did made me scared when my father mentally abused and sometimes physically abuse us

My father is not a gentleman though he looks like one . He believes God so much. But he is not a good person to me he is a devil , a monster that is willing to ruin our lives for his own benefits

My father looks down at women . He thinks that women is suppose to be in kitchen , do dishes , do house chores but in today's world it change . Man can do a women's job and i dont see what the matter with that

When he is in a bad mood he will just use cuss word like slut , hoe because we are stupid . We have low IQ for him so my mother and sister would just keep their pain to themselves as we going to go out soon for college

And I sometimes wish that , "If I just die , would it be the same ?" Would my father be this monstrous to us women ? Would my life be better than what I'm going through now ???

"Oh there's a broken window,  the glass is shattered everywhere . Should I just take a piece to slith my throat?" Some days I will take that chance, but today for some reason I don't want to take up the chance to die .

On the second door , is the fear of fake friends . In my school , Im the only one with dark skinned everyone there has white skin so in my school rasicm is happening to me everyday by the so call "pretty "But they are actually very ugly to be honest but then i dont care because my momma told me that time passes and so will these pain

For the first year of high school i had a very close friend like "best friend " we could say anything to each other whatever we wanted we will just share no matter it would hurt the other person feeling . But during the end of that year , one girl just tell my "best friend " that i am stabbing her , spreading rumours bout her and for some reason she actually believe that

I was so shocked when she said " I don't wanna talk to you anymore traitor " and she just left not hearing the truth

So since then i do everything alone , eat lunch , alone
Talk , to nobody
So I'm kinda anti-social

Thats my 2 tops fears family and fake people

After a while of dreaming , my momma woke me up by throwing water on my face until I almost chocked  myself

My momma is different she change to be even worst that she used to  be
She used to be an angel but not almost a devil not being rude here but thats the truth

Hello everyone my name is Cashh . My friends always make fun of my name . Don't ask me why there's an extra h at the back , I don't know for goodness sake

This is my story . It's a mess that might never come to an end and will always digg out some new drama to play with everyday