A MILLION AND LOVE

[indigo]

04.5 : cue;what breaks my heart- parachute  "do you still think about her?"

jungkook and jimin sat with their feet dipped in the water, side by side, thigh to thigh. shoulder to shoulder. it had jimin thinking about how his own did not reach jungkook's, disturbed him, even.

the wind tossed their hair back. they had trespassed the locked away area of the river. the rocks were slippery with the aftermath of the angry waves escaping the sea, jimin had had a hard time setting his butt on them but he wouldn't agree on losing to jungkook and having the younger help him do it. he missed the way jungkook's arm had hovered behind him until he had settled next to him. had he not missed, jimin would've seen how it was different from when jungkook put a harsh hand on his shoulder to keep him from winning their races to the bathroom. but he had 

missed.

"think about who?"

"you know who" 

jungkook nudged jimin's shoulder with his own.

"i have no idea."

jimin chuckled at the little sound of tongue clicking against his mouth's roof as jungkook lost his cool. they fell silent. 

"i do." jimin spoke after some time. jungkook held his breath. this wasn't how it was supposed to go. 

"i do think about her. more often then i'd like to.

but you know what's odd?" jimin turned his head to jungkook, neck craning up to see better.

"it doesn't hurt." he looked back at the water. the sun was setting; thanks to jimin taking an hour to get his arse out of the house; half dipping, flowing into the river, just like everything else around it. everything seemed to be melting into, bowing down to, the river. as if to declare it their sovereign.  

"when it all happened, i think what shook me more was the fact that it was all at once. the thought that she wasn't here or mine anymore came second and third―or, I guess never.

the way i spent the first day, i thought i'd be living that way for months, you know, sitting and staring into voids, trying to look for the trains i hadn't missed?

i tried walking all of the streets again, all of those that she'd shown me, it wasn't her, whom i found myself wanting to walk them with. i simply wanted some one, some one i'd love as much as i had loved her. but not her. not that she repulses me now, in fact, i ran into her the other day, on the bus i take to work. 

i didn't feel...what i think i'm supposed to feel? we talked, instead. she said she'd moved in with the guy she was talking about."

jimin began tracing the bumps his knuckles made on his hands. mountains building up and dying down at the joints.

"i think about her, a lot. sometimes about how she would start stroking my back in her sleep if she'd feel me get uncomfortable some nights.

sometimes about how she'd always remember that i don't like sugar all that much. she'd never put any in my coffee. she was always the one who gave our orders and always told the baristas to not add any in mine.

there's lots. but

it just doesn't hurt. i don't know how to put it. it's not like the heart-wrenching, gut-pulling heart ache they show us in the movies?"

jimin and jungkook, both, giggled at jimin's statement, like little boys finding amusement in the way the fishes would scurry away if they shook their legs too hard.

it had been three months since jimin had to go through the post break-up doting and unnecessary care his friends had made sure of maintaining around him, turning her name into a taboo, even yoongi had been knocking at his door to check on him every three days. namjoon had given him a leave from work, forgiving him a month of recording and vocal classes.

to everyone's surprise, jimin had been spic and span by 'just' the third week. seokjin had said he was 'proud' of him.

"we both had our fair share of mistakes. i don't blame her really, i'd always mix her clothes with mine and they'd all end up stinking, it must've been hard." jimin snickered.

"so, you're all done all over her now?"

 jungkook brushed his palms against each other for emphasis.

"yup." 

jimin bobbed his head like a child, swinging his legs back and forth in the water.

"why did i find you on the bar floor that day, then?"

"that―listen, kid―okay, okay big kid―fine, you buffoon i fell, alright? i was not crying and absolutely―"

"drunk, yes."

"not."

"sure."

"listen."

"hm?"

jimin eyed jungkook, who's gaze was fixed ahead, pretending to number the river, arms crossed over a straightened chest.

"you bitchy brat"

"i did not say anything."

"jungkook."

"i'm sleepy let's go home."

"you're the one who dragged m―"

"and now i'm taking you back."

"you―"

"god, hyung, shut up."

jungkook yawned, stretching his limbs once he managed to climb off the rock and onto the safe, flat earth.

they ducked under the barbed wires hanging over a portion of the fence cut out, enough for people to move in and out of the area. jimin turned around. 

the river honestly looked dead, greying more and more with the increase in the atrocities inflicted upon it. the world was a cruel place, but the river stood still, waiting for it's haven to stop caving in on it. almost giving jimin a sense of solace.

the river―was supposed to be blue: but the poisons flowing into it and the evening sun fluttering it's eyes shut behind it―made it look indigo. hurt but at peace. 

jimin sat himself inside the car, the sky was turning less azure with each passing minute, waiting until jimin would forget it's there and then, all too suddenly, turn black for when he finally looked back up.

a hand came to rest on his shoulder, warm and enveloping. jimin looked up at jungkook, his gaze soft and...waiting, for something. 

with his cheeks bones cut high, mock neck making him look years older than he really was, the deep blue spreading over the dips on his face; jungkook looked like peace. like deep blue, dead river.>>

p.s: the world is cruel place. it's not your fault, love.