Perrie was right. Zayn almost had a heart attack when he saw how thin and lifeless I have become.
His horrified and guilty face haunts me as I wander around aimlessly. I don't want to go home, yet, because I know that when I do so, I will be reminded of Zayn's continuous chant of, 'I am sorry, this is all my fault, don't do this because of me'. But even the semi-busy streets do nothing as I rub my eyes violently, wiping away tears.
Everyone's staring at me with concern and I duck into one of the shops to avoid them. The first thing my eyes fall on, are packs of cigarettes stacked neatly on one of the shelves. Without thinking, I grab one and put it on the counter, along with a lighter. The bulky man doesn't even look at me when I give him money and exit the shop.
I step into the alley made between two shops and take one out. Nostalgia hits me like a truck. It is the same brand Zayn used to smoke before he quit, for me.
When I light the cigarette and inhale in the poisonous smoke, the only thing I see behind my closed eyes is Zayn. His eyes. His smile. Him....
I cough, and he disappears from my vision, but I could still hear his voice in my head.
I don't stop until the whole pack is over, almost triggering an asthma attack. And when I stare at me hands in horror, I wonder why I did it.
Maybe because I wanted to understand why Zayn used to fill his lungs with poison; why he was killing him with his own hands. Or, maybe because I wanted to feel Zayn beneath my blurry eyes, because when everything's clear, he is not with me after all. And that terrifies me.
YOU ARE READING
fighting the stars above
Fanfictionzarry // completed I was young. I was naive. I was in love. We were happy.... But happy times never last forever. I should have known that. Because he said those three words that could either destroyed us, or could make us much stronger than before...
