What Matters

Chapter One: Awakened

( Hey guy, I haven't had a chance to edit this yet but I'm getting there...hope you like xx )

Oblivion.  The state of being unaware or unconscious of what is happening around you. The blankness of life holding me in its embrace, caged me in its broad arms. Trapped.

I’d been in oblivion before. Trapped in my own head as the world remained still around me when in reality it was moving forward, while I was the one remaining still, trapped in ice. Smudged shadows wondered aimlessly in my vision, only to vanish as the darkness surrounded me, alone. Sirens screaming in agony as they drew closer, me feeling helpless in my bliss.

The feel of ice cold ground beneath me, sending uncontrollable shudders up my unresponsive broken body, hardening my heaving heart. Memories fading, washed away by my silent tears.

Oblivion. Inevitable oblivion in its finest, mocking my unawareness, my loneliness. Always alone.  

I fear it. I fear it like a child fears the dark or a cat fears bottomless water. It consumes my every fear, trapping me in my own oblivion. Its constant breath grazing the back of my neck, reminding me just how alone I am. Always alone. Alone in its perfect darkness.

They say I survived it. Survived oblivion. They say I was strong, a fighter like my father. They say my heart was pure, holding its own as it beat hard in my chest. They celebrated while I mourned. Mourned for my parents deaths, mourned for my old life, mourned for the time I had lost. Mourned for myself. I wasn’t strong, I didn’t survive and I wasn’t found. I was still lost, in my own oblivion, my own darkness. I wasn’t strong; I was weak, weak to my knees in agony as I visited their graves, dying flowers from the funeral I missed. I didn’t survive; I was dead, dead to my bones in a world surrounded by the living, the walking dead. I wasn’t found; I was lost, alone, left to wonder the world aimlessly, searching, always searching for myself when I would forever be lost. Lost.

Isn’t it amazing how a life is one thing and then in an instant it becomes something else? Like here I was one second, Ellie, the girl that think about her piano back home, her friends however small they may be, my parents and just like that…gone.

I remember it.

The voices, cries, in my hollow ears. The sound of machines ticking impatiently, liquid dripping through tubes. Feet tapping against the floor, frustrated in its wake.

I remember it.

I remember the sound of wheels rolling across a marble hallway, the squeaky hinges of double doors opening with hard force. I remember the mumble of voices in low grumbles around the echoing room followed by the squeak of shoes shuffling across the room.

I remember it.

The sound of my gasping breath from my chest, struggling to remain balance. I remember the light, blazing through my eyelids, blinding me in my darkness.

I remember the pain.

The pounding pain in my heavy head, hammering against my skull. An ache in my ribs, roughly working with every breath. I remember it hurt. Feeling alone. I felt the numbness flood through my body as the needle entre, pushing in thick gloopy liquid, exploring my veins.

I watched as the blackness washed over me, but not before her voice pricked in my ears, her low whisper. Giving me hope, however little it may be. I remember feeling her breath in my ears as she spoke, her words laced with wisdom. Her encouragement full of power.

“Here’s the secret, Sweetie. If you live, if you die, it’s all up to you. It’s your life; you chose what to do with it. Breath, don’t breath. So whatever fight you got left in you, you’ve got to pull it out the bag now. It’s now or never” her voice faded, leaving me with the emptiness sparked with adrenalin.