What Matters

Chapter Four: Nightmare

(Hey I'm back...sorry i haven't updated recently, been real busy. Please comment so I can make my writing better...hope you enjoy xxx )

Silence. No words escaped my mouth during the rest of the period. A couple of times I saw Liam out of the corner of my eye opening his mouth to speak but he then clamped it shut, his jaw tight as he grinded his teeth together.

I knew I’d hurt him. From the way his features were pinched together, I could see that he was angry. Angry for me letting go. I didn’t want to let go, but I had to. I

could feel myself getting too close too fast. I could already see myself coming too attached to this strange boy. I could picture myself becoming reliant on him.

After waking up in the hospital I had decided on one thing, no matter how hard that one thing was. I couldn’t get attached, to anything or anyone. After feeling my parents ripped from my out stretched arms, I realised this. If I didn’t get attached, I didn’t get hurt. I didn’t want friends, just to have them leave you to continue their life’s while, like me, you’re stuck in the past, glued tight. I didn’t want a pet, just to have it run away one day into the night. I didn’t want a boyfriend, just to fall in love and then have the remaining of my heart ripped out and hammered into the dusty ground. I had to stay guarded. I had to close off my heart…permanently.

That’s why sitting next to Liam, so close yet too far, was making me increasingly uncomfortable. He was stirring emotions in me that I had promised to close off. Emotions I didn’t want to feel.

I was restless in my seat, my hands nervously fidgeting together. At the sound of the bell blaring out, I sprung to my feet and slid through the crowd to the door.

Taking on look back to Liam, I saw his eye burrowing to mine, smouldering and intense. I could see the set in his jaw and his hands clenched in tight fists at his side. I wanted to stop, run back to him and beg for forgiveness. I wanted to make him understand. But I knew it was a fruitless hope, futile. Not many people would understand how I’m feeling, let alone cooperate with it.

Ducking my head in shame, I turned and slumped out of the class room and into the hall. Keeping my head down, I followed the wave of students into the lunch hall, inhaling the smell of melted cheese and squelching tomato painting pizza crust. It was mouth-watering once before. Now it was tasteless. It had lost its flavour, it was bland. It was no longer appealing, nothing was. Except Liam Johnson.

Finding Kate quickly, I sank into the empty chair next to her, wanting to be swallowed whole by the blue plastic. Kate squealed when she saw me, throwing her arms around me and pulling me into her perfume coated body.

I hugged her back, feeling uncomfortable with the close proximity. Kate’s eyes glazed over as she looked at me, taking in my thinner form and my dull grey faced expression. Her eyes were bordered with a thin line of black eyeliner and her lashes were huge, painted with black mascara, tinted with blue sparkles.

A tear escaped her eye as she watched me closely, her lip trembling slightly.

“Don’t,” I begged, hating the idea of crying when it’s all I can think about, “I’m fine, honestly” I ashore her, trying to ignore the fact that I was lying to her for the first time since we became friends.

She quickly whipped away her tears as a small smile spread across her features. She sniffed before speaking, her voice laced with emotions.

“I can’t believe you’re here,” she whispered, clutching my arm as if to make sure I was real, “Last time I saw you was the day before you were released. You looked so broken. It’s so good to see your eyes open. Oh, Ellie, I’ve missed you so much. I’m so sorry this happened to you. God, never do that to me again” she ordered, her voice serious and commanding.