CHAPTER 28: A CRAZY LOVE

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"With the fire we make... its gettin' hotter and hotter... like a moth to a flame... I can't stay away... from the fire we make.. I can't stay away... I wanna turn the darkness to light.. baby  tell the truth.. you know you wanna be the one.. you can't stay away..."

//SONG: THE FIRE WE MAKE BY ALICIA KEYS AND MAXWELL//


Delontae put his jacket around me down in the emergency room

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Delontae put his jacket around me down in the emergency room. It got so cold while he helped me fill out stuff about my daddy Zo, explaining that he was my real daddy, but I was all Lorenzo Butler had... And that shit made me feel like I was disrespecting my real daddy's death, letting Delontae lie like that.. just like I disrespected my daddy by laying up with Bo, while he was dying. And I feel so fucking bad? I feel so bad, cold as ice. Shivering in this zone, like my mama just died all over again. This feeling so familiar that I'm kinda glad I'm used to it.

It's like I'm back in the projects. I can vision everythang that just happened. That shit was so fucked up -- but I couldn't let Delontae know I fucked Bo, so I lied and stayed in the room like I was sleep, and Bo lied and said he had just went to the bathroom while he was talking to my daddy. Bo said when he came out the bathroom he heard Delontae and them calling my daddy name trying to help him, and Bo came downstairs and saw the shit. My daddy was dead. When Bo came back in the room to get me-- I screamed out so bad when he said Tae was downstairs and that my daddy had called Tae hisself, because we couldn't hear him, and he needed help.

Oh God, I screamed so bad because I felt so guilty. I was laid up while my daddy was dying. I'll never do dat shit again.

"I was sleep, I didn't hear him," I lied and cried... But I had to. And I can tell by the way Delontae acting and being so gentle and nice to me that he believes me, and he don't know me and Bo had just fucked.  

I'll never do it again, I tell myself ovr and over and sit here and cry. The best night, the most special moment of my life, turned into the worst night of my life. My daddy dead. I cry...

"Come on baby," Delontae tells me when he opens the door for me to get in the car and leave this hospital after the funeral home pick my daddy body up. I stare around the emergency room parking lot, dazed... it's light outside, it's morning. I been in this parking lot for Delontae, and then for Pop, and now for my daddy. And Delontae the only one who survived..

"Where Tarvin and Kinte go?" I look up when me and Delontae pull off.

"To handle shit. My wedding is in - 3 hours. Remember?" He look at his watch and tell me. Oh shit, I forgot all about that shit. I just drop my head and cry...

"I'm not tryin' to fuck witcha, I know Zo dying like that ---- I know it's alot. But I gotta know how you got out that room after I locked you in there. Who helped you? Lew, Mary -- who? I know Mary, she wouldn't do me like dat. So I know it was Lew, just need to hear you say it." Delontae says to me, and I can't hardly take it!

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