My Social Anxiety Is Annoying

prolog

I wake up to the soft drafts of sunlight breaching the small cracks in my blinds. Bright shades of light fell onto my face, overwhelming the comfort of darkness my eyelids provided- forcing me to squint away. I did this for another couple of minutes in a half-awake trance. After awhile, whole squinting effect had drained away my grogginess and left me with the dawning realisation that I needed to get up for school. Of course, If I had wanted to do that then I would have gotten up by now. So instead of doing what normal school kids would (which is either go back to sleep or get ready early) I let more beams of sunlight fall onto my face, pretending that I was still asleep for no obvious reason. I had woken up earlier than my alarm today which wasn't unusual, it just meant I had more time to lie in and mentally prepare myself for the possible task of social exchanges with other beings. I'm not sure if you've noticed this already but I'm not the type of person who could easily walk up to greet people with a smile. Actually- forget talking, I can't even walk up to somebody if they we're giving away 1 million pounds! Just thinking about communicating to somebody outside of my family sends shivers down my spine. As of right now, I am physically shaking under my covers. Today is a bad day. It's paired reading with the younger children and I was picked as prefect to join them in their aural exercises. This means, 1. must have a supporting attitude and help push them along the path of their studies. 2.I must converse with the small saplings in an **I'm here to help** tone. Impossible... 

 You may be thinking;

"why couldn't you just refuse when they asked you?",

Well because, my dear reader, if I had the confidence to do that then I wouldn't be featured in one of Emma's latest **ill-throw-this-project-away-later-skips**

So, you see, instead of woman-ing up and saying with the utmost confidence that- no, I did not want to listen to a couple of children stuttering and screaming, and no, they are not "cute," stop trying to brainwash me. I just stood there pathetically staring at the ground and hoping they would take my silence as a no. (it was rather the opposite)

The sudden loud buzzing from my bedside table jolted me out of my half-subconscious faze. It was time to get ready for school... and, instead of bracing myself for a fresh start to the day, I had just made it 5000 times more difficult to get up. Paired reading.... talking... I want to dieee!!!

My inability to talk to strangers is stressful. I don't have friends because of it and I'm constantly worrying about running into people and having to say sorry. My life is doomed and its going to be because of some little kid. God, if you are listening, please, oh please bestow upon some uncanny disease that would result in a day off school.

Prolog end