engraved (Louis Tomlinson)

half drunk

It’s been two days since we wrapped up the South American leg of the Where We Are Tour, and after spending far too much time in airports and on planes, we were officially on a weeklong break, and I couldn’t be more relieved. I was completely spent and exhaustion tugged at my eyelids; having to force a fake smile was one thing – a show biz accustom I had quickly adjusted to long ago. The most draining part however was the everyday struggle to live up to the expectations of the media, the fans, and even the lads had inadvertently placed on me.

I was expected to have a happy, fun and sassy personality. It was presumed that I had random spontaneous outbursts, and a reluctance to grow up. I was constantly assumed to be a child at heart and happy-go-lucky. And as much as I may have been all of those things at some point, that simply wasn’t me anymore. I could almost feel the weight of the world on my shoulders and the original fun-loving naivety I once viewed the world with had quickly faded away, and my mask was wearing thin.

The downside to coming home was that the tabloids and the media tend to generate more bullshit while we’re on tour. Everything we do is up for scrutiny, and that’s the most difficult part; having to live like the whole world is watching you – because it is. So, upon arriving home you could almost guarantee that our faces were plastered over bullshit headlines in the pages of every rubbish tabloid.

We’d been in London for all of three hours before we were on our way to our traditional end of tour reflection – something we’d almost always done; taken the time to sit back, just the five of us, and talk about the high and low points of the tour. It was decided on the plane that it was Harry’s turn to choose where we went, and we ended up at some low-key restaurant and bar. Sketch I think he’d called it.

Walking into the restaurant and being immediately shown to a sectioned off dining area, where the walls are covered in diagonal black and white lines and the entire place is so incredibly laid back and inviting. The furniture is eccentric and vintage, and no two pieces seem to match and it feels almost homey – it actually suits the context of our dinner perfectly. Harry had actually outdone himself with this one, not that I’d ever give him the satisfaction of telling him that.

-

Sitting between Liam and Niall at the large round table we’d been shown to, and Harry, Niall, and Zayn sit opposite. The conversation begins to flow around me, and I find myself taking a back seat in the talk. It isn’t that I don’t want to contribute to the conversation, it’s that I’m not overly interested in talking about much at all. So instead I just find myself wallowing in the conversation and listening into the dialogue being thrown around me.

Liam’s fingers snapping in front of my face pull me out of a daze I didn’t even realize I was in.

“All right, Louis?” He asks with a genuine smile. “You’re pretty quiet tonight, mate.”

I tense my left cheek into a forced smile and shake my head, “Yeah, yeah I’m fine, just got a bit hypnotized by the wallpaper. What were you lads yapping about?”

“Well Niall here was saying that his high point of the tour was snogging that Brazilian singer.” Liam begins, his tone laced in mock disgust as he points his index finger at the blonde sitting to my left, “While Harry and I agreed that climbing Machu Picchu was our high point. What was yours?”

I look to Zayn to see that he’s already returning my gaze with a cheeky grin, and I answer Liam’s question, “I’d have to say my high point was spending more time with Zayn.” I wink at Zayn as his grin dissolves and he erupts into laughter.

-

What started out as an entirely innocent dinner and comfortable atmosphere, soon changes as Liam orders a bottle of champagne and proposes a toast: