"You look a little familiar have we met?" I lost my composure a bit would she recognise me? no I couldn't let that happen.
"No I'm new here just moved from england" she looked at me but brushed it off. thank goodness I'd perfected my English accen...
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"Ugh can't you watch where you're going?. We can't have you bumping into people all the time... She looked like she wanted to say more. Her words hit a nerve and I remembered that day again what was it with all the déjà vu going on
She left angrily muttering something about strangers being annoying and irresponsible and hating something.
What was her problem at first she was all nice but as soon as she saw me she changed completely, I just realised she hadn't behaved like others had with me maybe she wasn't a fan, but that still didn't explain her behaviour.
My thoughts were interrupted by the bell, I took out my schedule, Calculus, made my way to my class and sat at the back as soon as I entered, the class began even though we weren't much. Then I saw her enter I noticed a few people looking at her she must be one of the popular kids her face was serious neither joy or anger was reflected. She sat by the window far away from me, I was sure she saw me but made no eye contact with me.
I still couldn't understand want was wrong... Did I say something or did she just really not like me as a star. I couldn't put it into words but I felt... I just... Its just, there was something about her I couldn't quite put my finger on it.
I'd been so lost in thought that I didn't realise I had been asked a question by the teacher until I heard a girl beside me whispering the question and answer, I quickly answered the question and thanked the girl... The few times popularity is actually useful.
At the end of the class she waited for everyone to leave and walked out giving me a look that sent shivers down my spine and it gave me a strange feeling of déjà vu, for some reason today I couldn't stop thinking about the past...
I hurried off to my next class. After school I went off to my locker where I met Stella.
"Hey Ellie, so tell me how was your first day here"
"Its been great" I replied even as I recalled the girls' cold look. "I need to get going now I've got somewhere to go"
"Really where? Is it a shoot? Do you have a new movie coming up? Please tell me" she asked, excitement written all over her face
"No its nothing like that Stella its just..." I checked my phone I had just got a text from my mom the driver was waiting outside and she would be home late.
"My ride's here, I'll talk to you later"
"Bye"
"Bye"
I hurried out as soon as I stepped out the door events from earlier that morning repeated itself luckily my mums driver, Kevin, came to my rescue and got me safely to the car.
The twins were already there and they kept smiling, of course they would enjoy this but I couldn't focus on that.
"Please take me to Regina" I told Kevin as he got in.
"Oh, are you okay miss?... I hope there's no problem... Or maybe, should I call your mother?" He asked with concern written all over his face even the twins seemed a little worried they were young when it happened but even they know what it means when I have to go see Regina.
"No Kevin please don't bother her I'm perfectly fine. I just need to check in with her nothing much. And the both of you" I said turning to the twins "... Don't need to get worried OK, we'll even stop for some ice cream. Now let me see those adorable smiles"
They still looked a little pensive but none the less gave me big smiles I laughed and hugged them a single tear escaping my eye, quickly I wiped it away so they wouldn't see me.
We passed the park on our way, Kevin got out to get the ice cream of which I had a little then I got off.
💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖 I stood staring at the building before me, I'd been away from it for 6 months my parents and even I thought I was getting better but apparently not. I didn't even feel like I could leave behind the ghosts of the past a dark and terrible past...
I stopped because I couldn't afford to keep thinking about it. I took a deep breath and walked in, it wasn't really busy today so she would be free. I stopped at the receptionists table.
"Why hello Ellie you haven't been here for quite a while, its good to see you but I hope you're doing fine" I gave her a big smile despite my mood,
"Good day nurse Olivia, I'm doing fine thank you and its great to see you too"
"I'm guessing you're here for Regina?"
"Yes. Could you let her know I'm here?" She picked up the intercom and dialled a number "Hello doctor, Ellie's here... Yes... Of course, I'll let her in now"
"You can go in now"
"Thank you"
"No problem dear. Good luck"
I ascended the stairs that led to the office took a right turn down the hallway and knocked on the door
"Come in" I took a step inside, the first thing I noticed was her look of utter surprise, it had only been 6 months but considering how frequently I used to go there spending so much time away from it would seem like a being away for ages.
"Ellie, wow what a surprise... Please take a seat" I did as she asked waiting for her to adjust.
"You haven't been here in quite a while, I must admit I was quite surprised when the nurse told me you were around"
"Yes Dr I actually thought I wouldn't need to come here again... But here I am..."
She looked a little sympathetic but quickly replaced it with a smile "So tell me what can I do for you today?"
"I honestly don't know. Today was just... Strange, at a point I thought I was losing it. For some strange reason I just kept recalling things, things from the past, things I don't want to remember, things... That really really... Upset me... And..." I paused as I was on the verge of tears.
Regina stood and came to me then she guided me to the sofa and took a seat by me.
"Ellie, I need you to take a deep breath and calm down... Everything is going to be just fine you can overcome this I know this, you know this, everyone knows it but you need to get rid of that guilt inside of you because none of it was your fault and if you don't you'll keep blaming yourself and make it hard for you to recover"
I tried nodding but for some reason a part of me just wouldn't accept what she had said... It was my fault... Entirely my fault and nobody else's I was responsible for it, the mere thought of it was killing me and I let go of my tears... "I tried and I'm still trying I was told... it wouldn't be easy even I knew it... wouldn't but I still tried now I'm tired, I just can't take it Regina... Its hurts, so very much... The pain is too much, I will never let go of my guilt or the pain within"
A/N Early update writing should be easier now since things are getting better and I'm over my writers block I've got great plans for the next few chapter
