Gallimaufry

Starlight Journals #1

It's a warm breeze on a cold winter's night, the gentle lovers brush against my cheek as I stand bathed in light behind me, with darkness stretching out in front.

I lay on cold wood and stare up at the shimmering lights of the stars, seeing them blur and focus before my eyes, as if the entire sky is breathing and watching me. It is beyond my reach, but calling and straining towards me as I try to reach out. I struggle to put it into words, knowing that the moment I try to make this shimmering glimpse at the half-true world real, my understanding will slip away like fog in the daylight.

Silence stretches as stars burn as bright as flames before me, I breathe in the beauty of the night and realize that if I were only a little lighter, I would be able to fly there now. It tells me not to worry, that everything dark in my mind is leaving and things will be alright. I let it all go, feeling ready to cry, but I'm still not light enough. I don't have wings tonight.

I can feel the shadows shifting and moving around me, waiting for the light that protects me to fade. Guardians of the darkness, they shift through their world during this half-time, watching me, knowing I'm not one of them. There is fear in me as I hear the silence shift to the sounds of their movements, then I am reassured. I am not what they want, I offer them no temptation to steal me from the world of light and warmth. I shouldn't talk to them, or even reach out, but I am not worth the cost of their wrath.

Still, I fear that light abandoning me within a sea of shadows, so I walk back to the safety and warmth of what I know. I am charged from the magic of the night, finding myself wondering at how long I've been blind and deaf to it. But its back, I've called it, and I trust my path away from my struggles.