the seecrets of my soldier .

adapt

I wake up just bevore the crack of dawn with sweat kovering my face . I dont shoot up , or moove from the fright that the dream braught me . Instead i lay still until i brought my hart to its normal rithim . Onley then do i moove from the bed to the small window on the eest side of the room . Looking out the window i se the slightest tint of light . About an hour till sunrise i caulkilate . Closing my yeys and breath in the cool night air letting it spread to everey part of my boddey , feeling it travel down rhrui my throat and cover my lungs . I hate sleeping , espetialy now that i am with Henry . Whil i am awayk , i dont feel eneything relly . I keep my emotions in check and dont get afected my manny things.  I am never afraid , and kan always handle eneything . But when i am asleep i cant supress eneything . When i am asleep i am as vunrable as the necst  , i feel fear and dread . Unlike other people i remember everey part of my dreams , and it is not the things normal people whuld be afraid of . I am not eeven afraid of the things i dream . Not while i am awayk enneyway .

I silantley moove from the attick stares to the kitchen with a knife in my hand , using the shaddows hidden in the darkness to hide myself from the nonecsistant yeys roaming my mind . It hase always been the first and last thing i do . Chekking the houce for intruders , eeven though i whuld sens them from my room if there where . I moove without thinking of where i am going , following habit , chekking everey korner and listning to everey sound . I remain alert , èven though i am farly shure that noone is here . It is mostley just habit and instinkt , but i now that i am never save . Nowing that hase saved me countless times . It is a rule that i must always live by .

I moove into the last room , mr Henry's room and stop to look at his sleeping figure . It brings komfort to me , nowing that he is save , eeven though i dont now why . I dont think i whil ever understand why i went back for him that day. He ses he whil help me understand , but then i need to help him understand me .  That was six monthes ago . It hase been six monthes since i got shot for him , and desided to protekt him . In all that time i have not told him who i relley am . I have kome to trust him more and more witch i now i shuldent , but that just made the chanses of me telling him less . He dose not now that my past is conceited to his five year mittion , if he did , he whuld probabley hate me . He hase no idea how deep it all goes and what his HGI 4 wepon relley is . He whil never forgive me if i told him , he wont understand whay i am protecting that retched thing .  Tho i have told him parts of my past atleest.

I moove to stand necst to his bedside , not wanting the open dor directley behind me . I never stand with my back to an open dor , i have lernt that the hard way . Starting to brade my dark hair into one of my tight braids i sit down at a komfortable wooden chair . I start to think agayn with my hands naturaly weeving my hair . He hase relly bee a strange man . Unlike most other people , he dident run skreaming after i saved him , tho i kan se that my aktions did desturb him . The way i had plaid with Helton bevore i ga e him the honors of killing him had set his hole team off tho they still think i am some sort of innocent gerl . I kuldent help it , i was raised for what i did there . It was the reson i was born , my father had pretty big ecspectations of the perfect daughter  and look where i am now . He seems sertan that there is good in me , tho i now he is rong . I am a killer and a spie , that is all . The onley reson that he is alife is because i feel an atatchment to him . I kare what happenes to him , and wuld kill everey soul that wuld dare lay a hand on him . Noone elce hase evver gotten reaction from me , it is confusing and strange . He is kind to me and acsepts me for who i am (or who i show him ), tho he dosent relley now who that is . He dose not fear me while most people that speaks to me tand to not do that agayn . I don't threaten them , nor do i show enney agretion , i am actualy a good actor . Something in them just sences a predator . Yther that or they are to stuped with no survivalinstinkt.  If i tryey relly hard tho i can manage to hide eeven that little unintentional part , but i dont se the point in that .

I must say , it hase been hard to adapt to this life , i dont think i whil ever get used to it . I might not eeven stay here mutch longer . The foster home i never relly slept because i new that noone kuld be trusted . If i did sleep , it wuld be verey lightley m or on the roof . Here i now he wuldent do eneything , but still sleep light . Nothing ever happens and keeping myself contained is frustrating  . Quit frankley , i am bored by evereything but Henry at this point .

After i finished i just sat there looking at him . His scar reatches from his cheekbone up past his yey and into his dark brown hair that is slightly lighter than mine 'he was shot from under' . He used to ware an yeypatch to hid some of it , but it looks better now . I atempt to sit back , but the chairs back forcec me to bend my back , and i prefir to sit straight .

Henry wanted me to tell him more of my past , but onley if i feel like it . It seems to make him happy and sad at the same time witch is od . Its like he is malkfunkuning . I run my hand down my own scar , feeling it stand out of the unmarked flesh around it , remembering the day i eskaped my fathers klutches . Putting the brush i brought with me on the bedside table i intentionaly make a noise to wake him . I do not kare if it startels him , he wanted to adopt a stalker.

"When i grew up , i kuld never sleep soundley ". I wayt a moment for him to wake up fully . His clouded yeys dart around the room for a moment . Bevore i continue i wayt for his yeys to return to me , i dont like repeating myself . "At enney given time of the night my father wuld drop a spoon on the karpet . If i dident wake up and got out of bed within five seconds i wuld be beten in bed , and i wuld not get breakfast that day . After i masterd the spoon he used a pin on the flor . After a while i woke up when he sneaked into the room , and then bevore he eeven entered . Now i hear everey sound in my sleep . Eeven the wind katches my sences " . After finiching i remain silant and then it happens agayn . He seems happy and sad simoltanuisley . His dark yeys furrow and he seems to think . "You are still growing up ". Was his answer . How rong was he , i havent been a child since i was six . It seems like he sees it as a bad thing that kan be ridden of . Maby to people like him , it was . But it was a nessasary eevel . I now kan not be ataked in my sleep , if i ever am , i whuld be reddey to protect myself. I se that as a good thing , very good actualy . "It komes in handy ". I dont want it gon . He nods understanding and i stand up and leeve . A run in the forest sounds good about now . There are no pathes , but that is what makes it worth while . Running in the dark is entertaining and avoiding all the unprediktable obsticals that the forest provides prooves to be both intertaining and chalanging . It is alsow good for me to klear my mind bevore i go th the dredded school . Forests have always been a spetial place to me , if fills me with something that i find nowhere elce . Maby it is the lack of people , the open yet hidden spaces that makes me bot free and komfortabley out of sight . The hundreds of difrant smells

Leeving him i step out of the room , maby i shuld go to the store aswhell .