Sometimes the hardest thing to understand is why life decides to be unfair. At the moment, a man named Bang Chan was having a hard time understanding it. Why was it giving the person he loved most a hard time?
Chan sat on top of the fence between the parking lot and the beach, a beautiful sunset living on the horizon. He was alone, despite not wanting to be, but he needed some fresh air from the sick hospital air he had been sitting in the last few days.
The place, unfortunately holding his young lover, was not a nice place to be spending his last few days of summer break before going back to college for his second year. The only reason he was there was to keep Yang Jeongin happy, his seventeen year old boyfriend.
Living with Schizophrenia and blood cancer was giving the young boy a hard time in living a normal life in general. Chan hopped off the fence, sighing as he shoved his hands into his pockets. He gave the sunset one last look before making his way back to the hospital. Jeongin would be waiting for him.
When Chan walked into the hospital room, he noticed the younger sleeping peacefully on the hospital bed, wires connected to him to keep him well.
"His parents cancelled, again." The doctor frowned as he followed Chan inside. "I think might've been scared to see him again. They don't want to see their son in pa-"
"is it the pain? Or are they disgusted by him?" Chan asked as his eyes scanned over Jeongin.
The doctor was silent, knowing Chan was making a point. Jeongin's parents were ashamed, one because he was gay and two because their only male offspring had become terribly ill and couldn't help their problems.
"I'll leave you with him." The doctor whispered then left.
Chan sat on the chair placed next to the bed and in front of the heart monitor. He frowned at the wires that went up his nose, helping him eat because he was weakened by the medicine. Barely even able to stand without help. His long brown hair hanging over his eyes, covering the swelling from the amount of crying he had done that day from his hallucinations.
Chan could still feel the death grip Jeongin had on him on his shoulders and back. He looked so terrified, so terrified of nothing. He would point at the door, saying that his abusive uncle, who used to babysit him, was standing there. No one was there, just a closed door. Right before that, Jeongin swore he did not remember being in the hospital for the last three years of his life. He thought he was still fourteen, about to go into high school. After the hallucination, his memory came back like it never left him.
It was a confusing process when it first started happening, but Chan got used to it. How did the two meet? Jeongin was thirteen, Chan was sixteen. They met at their high school's future freshmen night. The two talked and got along well, so they exchanged numbers. The two never started dating until a few months after Jeongin was admitted into the hospital.
Jeongin slowly lifted his eyelids, seeing his boyfriend sitting in the chair near his bed. "Channie~." He called sleepily. Jeongin pushed himself up so he was sitting up more on the bed.
"Hey, Jeongin. How are you feeling, baby?"
"Weak." Jeongin said breathlessly. "Will I get better, Hyung?'
Chan chose to ignore the question and scanned over the bony boy. "Did you have any nightmares?"Jeongin noticed that Chan had dodged the question and frowned. "No."
"That's a good sign." Chan smiled.
"Of what?" Jeongin asked. What was that a good sign of? A good sign of death? A good sign of recovery? A good sign that the medicine working? A good sign that Chan would not have to here as often?
Chan ran a his fingers over Jeongin's eyes, forcing Jeongin to close his eyes. "You may be getting better, Bub." Chan said as he placed his fingers into Jeongin's head of hair.
Jeongin opened his eyes again, a shine appearing them. "Really?"
"Yeah."
The younger male immediately shut his sparkling eyes after pulling Chan into the bed with him, "Thank you for telling me, hyung" Jeongin smiles as he cuddled up to the man he looked up too and loved.
A few days later, Chan was walking back to the hospital from a convenience store to get Jeongin a little gift. It was a small, white, fluffy bear. Walking into the lobby, Chan knew it was a busy day for the hospital. He took the elevator to the floor Jeongin's room was located.
Walking down the hall, his throat started to clench and dry up with all the 'code blue' calls. He carried on walking down the hall, the closer he got to the younger's room the more his heart began to pump. All he could hear was his heart pumping and the swirling sensation of nervousness in his stomach.
Chan tried to stay calm but as he came closer to Jeongin's room, about a foot away from the suspiciously open door a high-pitched voice called, "Time of death, seven thirty a.m."
He dropped the bear as a doctor exited the room in a hurry, ignoring Chan as if he did not hear those words leave her mouth. The doctor that attended to Jeongin walked out, frowning deeply when he saw Chan.
"I'm sorry, Mr. Bang. He didn't-"
"Make it." Chan finished off. "He's gone for good this time, isn't he?"
"Mr. Bang, please understand he's in a better place now and we tried our best to try and save him."
"I understand." Chan nodded. He grabbed the bear from the ground and turned around, walking toward Jeongin's room as tears pricked his eyes.
He got into the deathly silent room and saw the younger boy. He was yet to tell Jeongin that he realised he was in love with him, and life did not give enough time for Chan too confess, for goodness sake Jeongin didn't even die in Chan's arms. "Hyung, i don't feel so good" Jeongin would've breathed out as Chan hugged him. "it's okay baby, i understand you can go if you need to" Chan would've said back as he would've kissed the younger for the last time. Jeongins eyes would've fluttered closed with a soft smile on his face because he spent his final moments with his beloved.
Chan reached out for the younger boys hand. The younger had worry and pain painted across his face, only making the older stiffen with worry. Chan's tears finally came gushing out as he kissed the deceased's cold knuckles, giving him a small smile yet his tears still continued to contour his face.
But Chan never understood why life gave such a beautiful and bubbly boy such a hard time in life. That's why he decided, he would join Jeongin and let his afterlife be filled with pleasurable moments. "For god sakes Jeongin i love you" Chan whispered after writing letters too the addresses he knew his beloved family/friends lived. He sat in the bathtub with trembling hands and yet he still lowered his head, letting the vacuum of the water take him in, but not before downing a bottle of paracetamol and slitting his wrists. It had to work. For sake of two precious lives.
