constellation

3

Busan National Hospital—
Luna-
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Dr.Park taps his pen on his clipboard, while reading through my evaluation results. " looking better than last time, i see you've found an anchor." and i nod " dance" i lie and he looks up, unconvinced. " i won't press, but please keep this up. you've been doing really well Luna" and i smile.

" have you talked to my son recently?" he asks and i freeze " uhm- a few days ago... why?" and he looks up " he talked about you when we spoke... asked me why i bragged about him to you." and i frown " did you tell him?" and he shakes his head " no. he asked why i would tell you... i just told him you asked about my life" and i nod " good... i don't think i could handle people knowing what happened..."

he nods, and begins to speak when there's a knock on the door. it swings open " Sir... it's Jimin." he says and he stands up " what happened?" and i stand up too " h-he relapsed...." and i look at Dr. Park, confused. " Luna, go home, and don't worry about my son... he will be fine" and i nod.

he runs out and i carefully watch him, following him. please be okay, please be okay, please be okay and i watch him go into a room. i wait outside, listening for anything. " D-dad..." i hear his weak, voice say. " jimin.... w-why would you do this again... you were better" his father says and there's a moment " i can't help it... she didn't want me.... she- she wanted him... she used me dad and i know they all will"

i bite my lip " rest..." his dad says and i hide behind a corner. he walks away and i go back to the room, seeing a nurse coming out " miss? could i visit him?" and she looks back " he's not taking visitors." and i say " we have therapy together, they sent me to talk with him..." and she sighs " what therapy?" and i say " eating disorder therapy. i have anorexia and- oh shoot what does he have again?" and she checks " go on in... he's an anorexic patient too."

i hold my surprise and bow " thank you ma'am, oh and go on. i won't be but a minute" and she nods. i open the door and peek around the corner, seeing him staring at the ceiling. pale and skinny, and seemingly... i didn't see how skinny he got before.

i start to tear up, but hold it in. i walk out and he says " please, Mallory i really don't want to talk my feelings out right no-" i smile slightly " hey chim chim" and he sits up. the tube i'm all too familiar with in his nose " w-what are you doing here?" he says and i walk to the side of the bed " i am here, giving you a hug." and he watches me.

i wrap my arms around his neck and whisper " why didn't you tell me?" and he inhales sharply " i was fine." he says and i lean back, sitting down near his legs " who hurt you" i ask and he looks up, his hands shaking and eyes wide. " no one." and i think hard " Jimin. don't lie to me" and he says defensively " you aren't my dad. i'm fine"

i nod " lay down" and he doesn't " Okay... maybe if i tell you a story you'll listen to me." and he furrows his brows. " you saved me Park Jimin. my mother she died in an accident, a car accident. a drunk driver headed down the wrong side of the road. i was riding my bike and my mom pushed us out of the way." he watches me, tears already forming in our eyes.

" it wasn't fast enough, we both were hit. i was in a coma for two weeks, and your dad- h-he he told me all about you. he knew that hearing other kids living their lives would make me fight for my own." and a few tears fall down my face " i fought, telling myself i'd live because you did. i heard everything he told me, and i was determined to meet you and tell you all about it"

he sniffles and wipes his eyes " i was declared brain dead, but you.... you saved me from that. now we're here, both dying but you know what. i'm not letting either of us do this to ourselves. even if i have to shove some food down your neck." and he looks deep into my eyes " it's my turn to save you now" i say and use my thumbs to wipe his tears away.

i smile " now lay down, and rest." and he obliges. i stand up and he grabs my hand " wait." he says and i look back at him " stay." and i nod. he closes his eyes, after scooting over and making room for me. i slip my shoes off and sit down in the bed next to him. " don't think you are alone, okay" i say and he nods. laying his head on my shoulder and sighing. " Lau Minah."

i listen " we were together, for two years. until she decided that my cousin was more worthy... she took it all from me, my cousin, my happiness... even my virginity." and i squeeze his hand " don't think about her anymore... you are too good for anyone in this world Jimin. she wasn't worthy of your affection" and he smiles slightly. " thank you..." and i rest my head on his. " sleep Chim."

he closes his eyes and i relax. the vulnerable parts of us soaking into the hospital walls. i open my eyes briefly, and see Dr. Park standing there. he motions for me to be quiet and i do. he bows to me and mouths " thank you" and i smile and he brings forward a warm blanket.

i thank him gently and he whispers " you saved my son.... thank you" and i say " i returned the favor." and he smiles. he covers us up and leaves after turning the lights off.

park jimin.

you are the only constellation i want to look at anymore.

no matter if you are the tiniest dim star, i would still watch you all night until the sun makes you hide...... and i'd wait for the next night and do it all again.

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