The Ultimate Vault Hunter

Chapter 3: Borderlands The Pre-Sequel

Disclaimer: I forgot to mention I made guns from all of the guns in Borderlands 1 into guns for my prime team. Meaning I took the time to grind out every single variety of every gun. I did the same thing with shields, grenade mods, elemental relics and character mods. I'll be doing the same thing with the Borderlands the Pre-Sequel team and Borderlands 2 team. Also when I said tedious side quests that includes dlc so I did go through the dlc in Borderlands 1. Two more things I did scan Angel after our fun and I own the Atlas forces that worked for General Knoxx now.
I was woken up by a call.

"Hello?"

"John it's me Jack I got the position."

"That's great news man."

"Yeah also the new hunters should be here soon do you mind meeting them at the cockpit?"

"No I don't mind."

"Thanks John." I then looked around me and saw the girls snuggling into me. I then said as I gently shook them awake, "Girls we need to get up." Lilith said, 5 more minutes handsome."
"Sorry my sweet Phoenix but we have to greet the new hunters."

"Ahh ok." We then got up got dressed then teleported to the docking bay, a rocket then pulled in. Five people stepped out I knew all of them from records. I then said, "Wilhelm the Enforcer, Nisha the gorgeous scum killing Lawbringer, Athena ex-Atlas Assassin, Jack's body double he'll be happy to see you, and Lady Aurelia a pleasure to see you.

" Nisha then said, "Who're you handsome?"

"Jack's bodyguard, best friend, deal maker, and vault hunter team leader."

"My, quiet impressive what's with the girls?"

"My mates, you could join them gorgeous, love to have a badass cowgirl in my bed same for you Lady Aurelia and Athena." they blushed then said, "Maybe."

"Alright before we can continue I need to do a scan."

"Why?"

"You'll see. Rose commence scan."

"Scan commencing. Scan complete integrating changes." A Cowboy outfit then digistructed over my armor. I then got two holsters one held my pistol and the second held a copy of my pistol. I then felt six slots appear on my arms. Two slots held shields with the Aries Symbol on the front. The other four had weird pod-like things on them. Then on my shoulders, I saw cannons then they went down into my shoulders. I then felt a cold feeling go through me like My blood froze over, finally a wristwatch appeared on my wrist

"Rose please describe my new additions."

"The four pods construct a body for me to control, this body will allow me to defend, heal you and restore your shields as I fly around. The shields of course can block attacks and double as throwable weapons. The holsters allow you to dual wield any pistol. The cannons shoot elemental balls of death when your shields are depleted. that cold feeling you have is the manipulation of the cyro element, and the wrist watch allows you to construct digital copies of yourself" I then heard Nisha say, "You can copy abilities?"
"Yep that's why Jack made me his bodyguard and the leader. Hey Angel do you mind going and telling your dad the new hunters are here." When she left I said, "where's your sixth?"
"Jack said he was here."
"Oh so he has Hunter with you."
"Hunter?"
"You'll see." Hunter then walked up and said, "Ah sir I see you have met the new hunters do you mind if I scan you for the new abilities?"
"No go ahead." After he scanned me he said, "Hello team my name is Hunter I'm the newest robot in Hyperion's design, I was made by Hyperion's new owner Jack and programmed by vault hunter leader John my program is a copy of John's firmware which allows me to copy abilities like him." Wilhelm said, "Hey John could I have a copy of that firm ware?"
"Only if you have a unique color for your armor and lose the tattoos."
"Military green."
"That works here." I then handed him a copy of my firmware.
"Ahh what was that voice?"
"Your assistance A.I she helps you control your firmware. Give her a name, state your relationship with her, and give her the job of helping you understand your firmware."
"Understood." After he finished he said, "Now what?"
"Look at me state her name and ask her to commence scan."
"Alright, Martha commence scan."
"Scanning commenced. Scanning completed integrating changes." After his changes I teleported us to Jack's office I said, "Here are the new hunters Jack."
"Wilhelm is that you?"
"Yeah I asked John for a copy of his firmware."
"Ah I see. Oh my body double how are we going to be able to tell each other apart?"
"Easy only one of you knows your birth given name."
"That could work."
"Or why not call your double Jacky?"
"Oh that works how does that sound to you?"
"That works."
"Alright now that is settled Jack when are we heading down to Elpis?"
"In a minute I'm looking for the best place for you guys to land."
The alarms than went off.
"What the hell is going on?! The Hyperion alert system said, "The Helios is under attack from Dahl military forces evacuate, evacuate.
"Beautiful activate security and I'll make you a body."
"But plot purposes."
"We're still going to Elpis but I'm not dealing with more side missions then I need to."
"I understand activating security."
"Good girl." There was then millions of screams. "Alright we have to go now." We then met up with the rest of the hunters then we headed to the escape ships. I then saw a woman in a power suit about to shoot the ship. I then said, "Hey why're you attacking our station?"
"I'm Colonel Zarpadon and I want to save the universe."
"I know who you are and I know Eliquis is with you." An Eridian in unique armor then dropped down in front of me. Before she could speak I said, "Rose commence scan."
"Scanning commenced. Scan complete integrating changes." I was then put in a digi constructed power suit that was currently the size of an exo suit that was navy blue. And had Aries symbol on the back And then I felt a huge surge of power. The Eridian then said, "What did you do?"
"Just copied your power mother."
"Mother?"
"Well I'm a Siren and you're an Eridian."
"Impossible how?"
"Copied those three girls' power."
"Don't you mean four?"
"No that's actually The Destroyer I just made her look like a Siren and you can call her Erilina now."
"Who're you?"
"I'm John North the Cyborg, the Soldier, the Siren, the Hunter, the Berserker, the Fragtrap, the Elemental, the Enforcer, the Lawbringer, the Gladiator, the Doppelganger, and the Baron."
"So much power."
"And we're getting the ancient knowledge mother and you can't stop us now leave."
"Who's getting the ancient knowledge?"
"Only a Siren can see it without going insane so I see it and I share the knowledge with my employer and best friend Jack."
"What are you doing with our relics?"
"World peace on Pandora and Elpis. Then universal peace."
"Interesting."
"I have a question."
"Go ahead." I then whispered in her ear my question. She blushed and said, "Isn't that a bit taboo?"
"Technically I had fun with my little sisters."
"Oh my well then go ahead."
"Alright then Rose activate Hyperion hack."
"Hack activated." I then made her look like a Siren but her skin was astral white she had gold colored eyes and gold colored Siren tattoos then on all of her limbs the tattoos were in the shape of the vault symbol.
"Damn what a sexy mama."
"Naughty boy."
"Can't help it you're gorgeous."
"Aww thank you."
"Hey do you mind if I scan then clear Zarpadon of her craziness along with her crew and send them home?"
"Go ahead I was going to use them to stop tyrants from using our vaults' relics."
"We can still do that but put them on Hyperion's payroll." Jack then said, "Is my best friend giving me an army?"
"Yep."
"So glad I asked for your help."
"Yep now time for an army." I then scanned Zarpadon's army. "Scan complete integrating changes." My armor and exo suit was then covered in Guardian plating and next to my fuel cells new ones were made that were full of liquid Eridium. I also then felt a huge surge of power.
"Can you explain that surge of power Rose?"
"It seems you now can access several forms of power by tapping into your Eridium fuel cells these forms will increase your Guardian armor layers, damage output, and significantly rise your Siren power."
"Awesome now time to clear their minds." I then cleared Zarpadon and her army of their madness. She then said, "Where are we?"
"Helios, Hyperion's moon base. Now Colonel Zarpadon I believe you remember my name is John North and I have a deal for you."
"What's the deal."
"You join Hyperion as our soldiers and I can guarantee you the best base, the best food, the best medical care for your team and your families and the best mission for your team."
"What's the mission?"
"Erasing the scum from the universe and bringing universal peace."
"That sounds beautiful I accept your deal General North sir."
"Good to hear I also have a personal deal for you Tulina." I then heard a soldier chuckle. I appeared next to him. "Laughing about something soldier?" He replied with fear in his voice, "No sir, I wasn't laughing at nothing."
"You know I hate liers private, 50 push ups with a bullet in your arm." I then shot him in the arm. He screamed. I then shoved a slab of leather in his mouth "Shut up and start those push ups on the double maggot." He then started doing push ups. "Let this be a warning for laughing at your superiors, do the rest of you understand?!" They all said, "Sir yes sir."
"Good if he looks like he's about to pass out stab him with a healing pack understand?"
"Yes sir!"
"Good also it is your duty to punish disobedient soldiers failure to do so will lead in your punishment understand?"
"Yes sir!"
"Good now Tulina and Eliquis follow us to the ships we're going to Elpis to find the vault." Eliquis then said, "I know where the vault is."
"You get to go first during our fun time, for allowing me to skip tedious side quests."
"Yay but shouldn't you do them for the money, weapons, moonstones, etc
"Ugh yeah where should we land to start the tedious quests?"
"Serenity's Waste."
"Alright why?"
"Will be rewarded with Moon Zoomy station access, Moon Zoomy stations are basically space Catch a Rides and if you can convince a lesbian you're a good guy she might join your pack."
"Sounds good, alright new hunters, and Eliquis you're with me. The rest of you stay with Jack on the space station." Lilith said, "But we want to crack faces too handsome."
"The job would be too easy with all of us also I need to see my second team in action I already know my prime team is badass."
"Aww John you charmer alright we'll stay, but please bring us back some great loot."
"I was planning on doing that already."
"You're the best."
"Ha. Yeah now all of you beautiful girls come here for a kiss." I then removed my helmet, gave them all a passionate kiss then put it back on. "Alright now let's head out team." We then got in the ship and flew to Serenity's Waste. Once we landed I handed everyone an 02 or Oz kit we met Janey Springs. I decided to start trying to make her fall for me.
"Hey Janey I have a question for you?"
"What is it John?"
"Why don't you care for men?"
"The man I thought I could trust the most betrayed me." I gave her a hug and said, "I'm so sorry that happened to you Janey, that's such a horrible thing to happen to beautiful women like you."
"I never had someone care to listen to my problems."
"I'll be there for you Janey I promise. I then kissed her on the head and let her go. I saw she was blushing.
"Thanks John you're probably the only guy that cares for me."
"Can they not handle your hyper bubbly personality?"
"Yeah."
"Well I love your personality Janey it makes you, unique and separates you from the dull basic girls that only care about making fun of others because they think they're better than them." She then had a face of shock and realization.
"I've never had someone say something so kind and I just realized you've been using my first name."
"It's a beautiful name so why not use it?"
"Just kiss me already you handsome charmer."
"As you wish." I then gave her a passionate kiss." I then saw an achievement appear on my notification screen. (Achievement unlocked: From a Hot Lesbian to a Beautiful Bisexual, Made Janey Springs part of your pack.)
"Wow that was amazing."
"Glad you enjoyed it."
"Would you do me a favor handsome?"
"Let me guess a raider took your digistruct key?"
"Yeah his name is Deadlift he took it when I told him I wasn't into guys."
"Wait you said Deadlift?"
"Yeah why?"
"Ha ha I can't believe he's here."
"Wait you know him?"
"He's my cousin Henry and I can't believe he's using his digi-net name that's hilarious."
"Could you get it back from him?"
"Yeah easily. You guys stay here I'll be back." I then went to Henry's base I then heard his voice over an intercom, "What in the hell are you?"
"That's rude cousin after not seeing each other for 10 years."
"John is that you?"
"Yeah mind if I come in?"
"Heck no boys make way that's my cousin John he's a guest." I then walked up to the jump pad I then jumped over to his base. When I walked in. I heard his voice say, "Hey John up here." I then used the jump pads to get up to him. I then gave him a hug.
"How have you been cuz?"
"Good as you can see I'm a raider boss."
"Yeah looks like a sweet setup."
"So why did you come here?"
"You took something from a hot chick that's now part of my pack and I need it back."
"You got Janey how?"
"I listened to her problems and offered support."
"Can you tell me what her problem with guys was?"
"Her dad raped her."
"Oh god that's horrible. Here give this back to her and here have my loot and my laser gun it's my way of saying sorry and also a late birthday present for you."
"I'll tell her you're sorry Henry."
"Thanks John." I then got an idea. "Hey Henry I'll make you a deal, you and your raiders work for Hyperion and you guys live the high life."
"Deal." Time skip brought you by tedious side quests. I then pulled the moon buggy into Janey's place.
"I'm back."
"Thanks for doing that John."
"You're welcome and Henry said he's sorry for taking the key."
"That's nice of him then I guess these inspirational posters I need your help making can go to him."
"He'll like that." Time skip brought to you by tedious side quests. I then got back from collecting the holotapes. As justice I got a gift for Janey. Flamey's son's head. I then said, "Here Janey a gift."
"You beheaded the little shit?"
"Yep and I'm sorry you lost her."
"Thank you John this is a beautiful gift and I think she would be happy to know I found another person to love." She then gave me a kiss on the cheek.
"You're welcome beautiful."
"Do me another favor and we have fun when you're free?"
"Deal." Once I arrived back at the base I had an idea, "Hey Janey want to see something that will blow your mind?"
"Sure."
"Alright I'm going to need your help."
"Ok." I then summoned my car. "Now can you summon a moon buggy laser variety?"
"Sure?" She then summoned the moon buggy.
"Alright Rose activate Hyperion hack and keep it on till I ask to turn it off ok?"
"Yes John hack activated." I then combined my car with the moon buggy. Giving my car heavy plating, bigger wheels, more engine power two laser guns on my hood to go with the machine guns and a turret seat with a laser gun. "Now can you summon another laser?"
"Yeah." I then combined it with my car again giving it more heavy plating on the car and turret seat, bigger wheels, more engine power, two more lasers on my hood and a second laser to the turret seat.
"Alright now a missile variant please." I then combined it with my car giving it even more heavy plating on the car and turret seat, bigger wheels, more engine power, two more lasers on the hood and a missile launcher on the turret seat.
"Alright one more missile variant."
"Ok." I then combined them and it got two more lasers on the hood, got more heavy plating on the car and turret seat, more engine power, bigger wheels, and a second missile launcher. I then made the car Navy Blue with white stripes.
"What do you think?"
"It's amazing how did you do this."
"I've an ability that allows me alter or change anything I want."
"That's amazing."
"Thanks. Alright Rose deactivate Hyperion hack."
"Hack deactivated."
"Alright now to Concord want to come with us Janey?"
"Actually Saint there's still a favor I need."
"What is it?"
"There's a light reactor in a building across from the entrance. If you can get it to me I'll give you a laser gun."
"Alright be right back."
"Wait you'll need this." She then handed me a gun."
"A Moxxi fire gun?"
"Use it to piss off the kragons so they break the barrier blocking off the entrance to the building."
"I can just scan one and use it's abilities to destroy the barrier."
"That sounds cooler guess I'll take the prod gun back."
"Actually beautiful can I keep it I have an idea for a gift for Moxxi."
"You know Moxxi?"
"She's my wife I won her battle dome so she married me."
"Oh my do you think you could?"
"Talk her into a threesome?"
"Yes please."
"I bet this gift will convince her."
"If this happens I'll marry you right after."
"Ha, deal." I then drove over to the building. I then looked at a Kragon and said, "Alright Rose commence scan."
"Scan commencing. Scan complete integrating changes." My armor was then covered in molten elemental rock and my blood felt like it was filled with the elements.
"Wow first time scanning a creature and it was intense."
"Are you alright Saint?"
"Yeah I'm good now let's get that light reactor." I then slammed into the barrier breaking it I then grabbed the light reactor. I then got a call.
"Hello?"
"Hello this is Torgue from the Torgue company and I'm super fucking pissed that laser guns exist they're made of light and don't even explode."
"They can be made to explode."
"Say what?!"
"Send me down the Flacker and I'll show you I can make a laser gun that can shoot lasers that explode."
"That sounds badass sending it." A storage container then landed in front of me.
"Now all I need to do is give Janey this light reactor then I can combine, the laser gun she gives me with the one Henry gave me with the Flacker and Moxxi's Probe gun and I can make a new gun that will be badass."
"That sounds badass go do it." I then drove back to Janey's place.
"Got the reactor Janey."
"Sweet here's the laser gun I promised."
"Alright Torgue and Springs ready to see a legendary gun be forged before your very eyes." They both said, "Heck yeah."
"Alright Rose activate Hyperion hack."
"Hack activated." I then combined the laser gun Henry gave me, the laser gun Janey gave me, Moxxi's Probe gun, and the Flacker.
"Introducing Moxxi's Explosive Elemental Climax! Ready to see her in action." Torgue said, "Yes show the power of lasers plus explosions."
"First we have her primary fire option, rapid fire explosives with burning lasers and her second fire option. The electrifying boom beam and when reloaded becomes an electrifying and burning massive merv grenade."
"What do you think of that Torgue?"
"You sir have shown me the majesty that is the combination of lasers and explosions, please what is your name and how can I repay you?"
"John and when you think you made an awesome gun of explosions let me see it and I'll combine it with the magic of lasers."
"You've a deal John."
"Good doing business Torgue."
"Yep see ya." He then hung up.
"So Janey do you think Moxxi will like it?"
"She'll love it, the design and look are beautiful and the name is perfect."
"Well only one way to find out now everyone in the car." I then drove us to the Concordia entrance. We then entered Concordia. A Customs Claptrap then stopped us.
"Stop right there entrance papers and make it snappy."
"Janey a little help?"
"Here." She then handed the Claptrap a weird spherical object. He then had a weird reaction. Then said, "Yeah you're totally clear for decontamination." After we walked to Nurse Nina's place. I said, "Hey Nina remember me?"
"Ah John it's good too see you."
"You too how have you been."
"I'm a nurse now which is great but."
"But what?"
"I'm now fat."
"I can fix that for a price."
"What price?"
"A kiss and you join my pack."
"Deal."
"Alright Rose activate Hyperion hack."
"Hack activated." I then gave her a supermodel body, double d breasts, and a prime smackable ass.
"What do you think Nina?" She grabbed me and the girls. Then brought us in to her room. She then said, "Girls we are going to please John understand?" They all said, "Yes mam."
"Ha good ready for fun John?"
"One thing first, Rose drop armor." My armor and weapons then disappeared. "Your turn girls." They then dropped their clothes. After our fun I said, "You girls satisfied?" They all said, "Yes."
"Good you can rest here come meet me at Moxxi's when you're done." They all said, "Yes Alpha." I then put my armor back on then walked over to Moxxi's Up and Over bar. I didn't see her at the bar but who I saw on the dance floor surprised me.
"Roland? Lilith? what are you two doing here?" Lilith said, "I missed you and I brought Roland in case we ran into anything."
"Aww how sweet." I then heard a sound and saw Moxxi walk out.
"Looking for me sugar?"
"Hey love, ya mind giving me a drink?"
"Not at all love what do you want?" I then whispered her ear, "Some of that delicious milk from those goddess tits." She blushed then whispered back, "Right here?"
"No in your bedroom and I have something to make it interesting."
"Really what?"
"I then showed her my achievement."
"You charmer." I then had a thought.
"Rose replace armor with my basic outfit."
"Replacement complete."
"Now commence scan."
"Scan commencing. Scan complete integrating changes." I then went from handsome to absolutely hot.
"What do you think Moxxi?"
"Absolutely hot. So what's Springs got to do with your offer?"
"First a gift. I made this for you I call it Moxxi's Explosive Elemental Climax."
"It's beautiful, this is an amazing gift thank you John."
"You're welcome."
"What could I give in return. I then whispered, "A foursome with me, you, Janey, and Lilith."
"It's a beautiful gift, alright go get the girl." Janey then appeared next to me fully dressed.
"Huh how did I get here."
"I put a digi-porter chip in your watch."
"Wow so ah did you?"
"If you're a good girl and do what me and Moxxi says you'll have a good time."
"Yes alpha."
"Lilith get that sexy ass of yours over here."
"Yes alpha."
"Alright love lead the way."
"Yes alpha." After our fun I said, "You girls satisfied." Janey said, "Marry me."
"Sorry baby but I can only keep you as a pack member."
"As long as I get that cock I don't mind."
"Ha. Yeah. Alright Rose armor back on. Moxxi you're coming with me when I return back to base."
"Yes alpha."
"Good girl now give me some of that delicious milk."
"Yes alpha."
"Ahh delicious you mind mixing it with your cocktails and making a bottle for me to take on my journey?"
"Not at all my love."
"Thanks gorgeous." I then took off my helmet and gave her a passionate kiss. I then put my helmet back on. "Alright after Moxxi finishes making my drink we'll. I then got a call. "Hello?"
"Hey John it's me Eliquis before you go to the vault you have to finish all the side quests."
"Why?"
"Loot and they will make you stronger."
"Ugh alright but mom. I then whispered the next part."
"That's fair I'm sorry you have to do the side quests." (She has to have 12 consecutive rounds of fun with me for making me do the side quests.) "Alright first getting rid of the jamming signal. I have to figure out where the signal is coming from first. Moxxi can you help?"
"Of course use basic triangulation to find the signal."
"I need transmitters for that."
"If you can get my Moonstones taken by that Customs Claptrap then you can get them from Crazy Earl."
"Alright I'll get them." I then went to the Customs Claptrap.
"I need Moxxi's Moonstones back."
"Oh I believe I stashed them at the bank."
"No you didn't only items can go in there."
"Then maybe the personal storage?"
"No only I can put shit in there now give me the Moonstones before I crush you into nothing."
"Threatening an officer you just earned a ticket."
"Give me that ticket and you'll never see Serana again."
"I'm sorry sir here are Moxxi's Moonstones."
"Good boy." I then grabbed the Moonstones while looking at them I had an idea. I held the stones out in front of me and said, "Rose commence scan."
"Scanning commenced. Scan complete integrating changes." Five Moonstone colored energy cores then appeared, one on each of my hands, one on my chest and one on the bottom of each of my foot.
"Please explain changes Rose."
"The power cores on your hands will allow you to shoot rapid fire lasers, the one on your chest will allow you to shoot a giant powerful laser beam and the ones on your feet will allow you to fly. You also have the ability to make Moonstones."
"Why do I feel my elements going towards the power cores?"
"If you focus your elements into the cores you can shoot elemental laser beams."
"Alright now how do I fly?"
"By focusing the fire element and cryo element into the hand and foot cores at the same time jump using the 02 or Oz Kit you can cause a reaction that will shoot you off in the direction you are facing."
"So basically I'm a cyborg rocket."
"Yep."
"Awesome. Now can you have the system produce the max amount I need to buy all of Crazy Earl's upgrades?"
"Yes here you are."
"Thanks beautiful."
"You're welcome." I then got an idea I pulled out a dollar bill then said, "Rose commence scan."
"Scan commencing. Scan complete integrating changes." I then felt like I was a walking money maker."
"Beautiful can you have the system produce max money?"
"Yes here you are."
"Thanks gorgeous."
"You're welcome." I then had a realization. I walked over to Marcus' Guns in Space, Bullets Etc and the character customization station.
"Rose commence scan."
"Scanning commencing. Scan complete integrating changes."
"Before I check my changes there's four more machines I need to scan." I then scanned Nina's health machine, then one of Moxxi's slot machines then the fast travel system, then finally the new u station.
"Scans complete integrating changes."
"Now lets see if it worked. Open Moxxi's slots." A slot machine then appeared on my screen. "Perfect alright you can close it now Rose."
I then called Moxxi.
"Hey sugar I saw you here earlier in the bar scanning one of my slot machines why?"
"Gambling on the go and don't worry money is sent to you whenever I use it."
"Aww making us richer eh honey?"
"Darling I'm now a walking money and moonstone maker, a walking vending machine of every type of item, a walking slot machine, a walking revival machine and a walking fast travel machine."
"You're giving me to many reasons to love you."
"That's a good thing."
"It is wanna fill baby mama's money jar?"
"I'll fill it for every bottle of my Moxxi's brew you make deal?"
"Deal sugar."
"Now I got the transmitters where do I put them?"
"I'll send you the coordinates."
"Thanks Gorgeous."
"You're welcome sugar." I then placed the transmitters the final message enraged me. "I hope I get to kill him after I get rid of this signal." I then triggered the device. "The signal's in Crisis Scar."
"Thanks Gorgeous.
"You're welcome sugar."
"Can you tell the others I left to take care of the jamming signal?"
"Of course sugar."
"Thanks love." I then went to leave when barrier doors came down.
"Huh what the hell?" I then heard the bastards voice over the intercom say, "People of Concordia for your own protection, Concordia will be under lock down no one in or out that is all."
"That son of a bitch ugh maybe Moxxi can help." I then walked over to the bar but I didn't see Moxxi. But I saw everyone else. "Hey guys have you see Moxxi?" Lilith said, "No and where were you?"
"I was setting up transmitters so I could find the jamming signal."
"Oh maybe that Claptrap knows where she is."
"That's Bartrap and you could be right."
"Then go ask him handsome." I then walked over to him
"Bartrap where's Moxxi?"
He whispered, "Her workshop."
"Alright thanks."
"Did he tell you where she is?"
"Yep but I'm going to tell you all now, if you snicker or make one joke. I'll punish you personally understand?"
"Yes but why would we snicker or make a joke?"
"Follow me." I then activated the slot machine opening the panel door. I then heard Moxxi, "Bubbles and Birds, bubbles and birds damn servo get in there."
"Gorgeous I can help."
"Ahh John what are they doing here?"
"Don't worry I already warned them any snickering or jokes and I'll punish them personally."
"Aww that's so sweet of you love and were you serious about helping me?"
"Yep." I then summoned a Super Badass Loader the size of a regular loader.
"What are my orders?"
"To protect Moxxi and her bar from any threats and if there any deviants in the bar you kick them out."
"Understood." He then left the workshop. I then felt hugged.
"Thank you so much handsome."
"You're welcome gorgeous."
"How can I repay you?"
"Get us out of town damn Meriff lockdowned the city."
"I can help follow me." She then led us to a door. "This will take you out of town." I took off my helmet and gave her a kiss. I then put it back on and said, "Thanks gorgeous."
"You're welcome handsome but do really all of you have to go to do the side missions, then the main missions?"
"Do you guys want to go?" Nisha said, "We'll be bored otherwise."
"True well then let's go." We then left and walked over to the Moon Zoomy station. I summoned the car and drove us over to Crisis Scar. We then hopped out A weird looking Claptrap stopped us at the entrance.
"Stop this is the scav camp of Red and Belly turn back now."
"Wait you said Red and Belly?"
"Yes why?"
"Those are my best friends Justin and Fred."
"If you know Red and Belly I guess you can go in what about the others?"
"Guys mind doing the side quests while I talk with my old friends?" Nisha said, "Not at all go ahead handsome."
"Thanks beautiful." I took my helmet off and gave her a kiss. Then put it back on She blushed.
"You're welcome partner." I then went into Crisis Scar. I then heard Justin's voice, "What in the world is that Belly?"
"Don't know Red think it's friendly?"
"Justin! Fred! It's me John!" Justin said, "Is that really you John?"
"Yep mind if I come in and talk with you guys."
"Not at all clear the way lads John is a friend of ours." I then walked up to their base and once I entered I saw the two of them relaxing on chairs with a table in front of them on the table was a deck of cards on the other side of the table was another chair.
"What is this? A game of catch up?" Justin said, "Yep go ahead and sit down since you're the guest you pick the game and are dealer." I then sat down and picked up the cards as I was shuffling I said, "Alright game is poker. Wager is this, I win, I want your gun staches, 1,000 dollars, 40 Moonstones, Justin's gun, and Fred you confess your secret."
"And if we win?"
"100 Moonstones and 5,000 dollars."
"Deal." I then dealt the cards and we started to play." Fred then said, "So how have you been?"
"Well look at me."
"Yeah what's with the new look?"
"When I joined Hyperion they asked me to be part of a project. This project resulted in me becoming a badass cyborg who can scan people and gain their abilities."
"That sounds cool so scanning people changed your look?"
"Yep."
"So cool, Full house."
"All Aces I win now tell Justin your secret Fred."
"Alright Justin there's something I need to tell you."
"What is it Fred?"
"I love you."
"Really? I love you too."
"See I told you Fred."
"Yah you were right I should of just told him."
"Well I'm happy to see you guys together now not to spoil the moment but my winnings."
"Yah here you go."
"Thanks also do you mind if I get rid of the jamming signal?"
"Why?"
"It's blocking Helios' signal."
"You mean that giant h in the sky?"
"Yah that's my boss' base."
"We're being payed to block it though."
"I'll make you a deal, unblock the signal and work for Hyperion and you get to live the high life."
"Deal." They then unblocked the signal I grabbed my loot and left. As I left Crisis Scar, I saw Nisha tossing empty beer bottles into the air then shooting them.
"How many you have gorgeous?"
"Wilhelm was the one drinking I was just shooting them after he finished."
"How many drinks and what rewards for the side quests?"
"12 drinks as for side quest rewards, typical stuff cash, random weapons, red text weapons, etc. One cool reward though was this thing Springs has called a grinder basically it can do what you do but the result is random and if you give it Moonstones the result is a random buff on the item"
"Alright that's fine, I'll make the random loot into good stuff I'll scan that grinder later and also I got good news."
"What is it?"
"I get to kill the Meriff, I've recruited two raider armies for Jack, and I won a poker game which gave sweet loot."
"Damn handsome you sure do clean up."
"Yep." I then got a call from Jack, "We got lights up in Helios we got security and we got fast travel." I then heard that bastard, Meriff's voice, "Red? Belly? The jamming signal went down what happened?"
"Hey you son of a bitch first you piss me off for talking about wanting to have fun with my daughter Sereena now with the jamming signal I'm going to kill you."
"Who're you?"
"I'm the guy that's going to shove a gun up your ass." I then hung up. "Everyone in the car now I'm killing that bastard." I then drove us back to Concordia. I then de-digitized the car. I then got a call from Jack.
"I payed security so just walk right in."
"Thanks Jack." I then entered Concordia we then went to the elevator to the Meriff's office I hacked it and we went up. We then entered. I was met by one of the boys.
"Hey boss Red and Belly said we work for you now, we have that dumbass cornered in his office." I gave him 600,000.
"Split that between you 6."
"Will do boss hey guys come get your payment boss is here." I then walked up to his energy field.
"You think this will stop me?" I then absorbed the energy field.
"Please mercy." I then grabbed him by his throat.
"You fucked with my family so you die." He then turned to nothing. I then grabbed the mic, "Attention people of Concordia the Meriff has been replaced, my name is John but you all may know me as Sheriff Evolution. That is all." I then put the mic back down. I then said, "Hunter I'll make you a deal treat my daughter well and you can date her."
"That would be an honor."
"Good to hear let's go see her." We then went to Moxxi's place. "Hey darling is Serena in her room?"
"Yes why?"
"I wanted to know if she would be interested in dating my friend Hunter. I then heard the Customs Claptrap, "But you." I then crushed him into nothing.
"You're not worthy." I then knocked on Sereena's door.
"Who is it?"
"Your father little one and I have someone I would like you to meet."
"Daddy? Please come in." I then walked in. She hugged me and said, "I missed you." I hugged her back and said, "I missed you too little one."
"Now who were you talking about?"
"You can come in Hunter."
"She's a goddess like her mother sir." She blushed and said, "That's very kind for you to say you handsome stud." He blushed too.
"How sweet I'm glad you two are getting along but Hunter we have to go."
"Yes sir it was very nice meeting you Sereena."
"You as well Hunter."
"Alright now let's head out." I then got a call. "Hello?"
"Hey John it's me Jack got an awesome idea."
"What is it?"
"If we can get a military A.I and a robot production facility then boom robot army."
"Heck yeah." I then left Serena's room then said to Moxxi, "Hey gorgeous know anyone that can find us a military A.I and a robot production facility?"
"Springs might and there's the old dahl facility."
"That's right maybe I can ask Zarlina to do me a favor." I then called Zarpedon.
"Hello?"
"Hey Zarlina it's me, John can you do me a favor?"
"Sure what is it?"
"Can you drop me 10 stingrays?"
"Why do you need 10 stingrays?"
"Adding them to my car."
"Oh yeah that amazing ability of yours alright where you want them?
"I'll mark the coordinates with a beacon."
"Alright will wait for beacon." I then hung up. Team let's go Lilith and Roland I want you two to scout out the facility see what we're dealing with." Lilith said, "Understood."
"Good now where's Janey?"
"In her shop across from the bar."
"Ah good." I then walked over to her shop. I then scanned the Grinder.
"Integrating changes."
"Explain new abilities Rose?"
"You can add Moonstone buffs to items you make it costs Moonstones."
"Makes sense. Anyway let's talk to Janey." I then walked over to Janey. "Hey gorgeous think you can help me?"
"Sure what is it you need?"
"Do you know anyone that knows where I can find a Military A.I?"
"Yeah a kid named Pickle he's a scavenger bet he knows a place."
"Where's he at."
"I'll mark his place on your map."
"Thanks luv." I then took off my helmet gave her a kiss then put my helmet back on."
"You're welcome." We then left Concordia I then threw out my beacon. A giant crate then came down. I then opened it.
"Wilhelm do me a favor please and summon our car."
"Sure thing." After he summoned our car I combined it with the stingrays the turret seat now had five flak and cyro rocket shooters and 10 more laser shooters on the hood.
"Alright everybody in." I then drove us to Pickle's place. Once we got there I saw a kid looking through a telescope. "Hey you Pickle?"
"Yeah are you John?"
"Yep Janey said you know where I could find a Military A.I."
"Yeah I bet Colonel Zarpadon's old ship has one."
"Oh yeah Skipper."
"Skipper?"
"Her designation name."
"Oh."
"Anything stopping me from getting her?"
"The Boson an old engineer gone mad and his army of Scavs."
"Hey Rose can we fix brain issues?"
"Yes John."
"Then message Jack I'm getting him three more armies to go with his Dahl Army and his robot army please."
"As you wish John message sent."
"Now Pickle I have an idea but in order for it to work I need you to go radio silence on me till I contact you."
"Why?"
"I'm going to trick the Boson into thinking I'll join as his body guard then use my tech to clear his madness."
"That sounds bloody amazing alright contact when it's done."
"You guys mind staying here?" Nisha said, "No we don't mind Sheriff."
"Good to hear Deputy." She blushed.
"Deputy?"
"Rose stars please." A sheriff's badge and deputy badge digitized into my hands. I placed the sheriff's badge on me then placed the deputy badge on her. "Now it's official." She gave me a big hug.
"You're the kindest man I've ever met."
"Who else would I pick for my deputy?"
"True."
"Now gotta go gorgeous." (Time skip brought you by puppies because puppies are awesome. Those that are kitten lovers time skip brought by their hilarious antics.) I was now standing in front of the Boson.
"You wish to join my crew as my bodyguard?"
"Well you look badass so welcome to the crew."
"Thanks boss as a new member I have a gift."
"Really?"
"Yep Rose activate Hyperion hack."
"Hack activated." I then made him decent looking and cleared him of his madness.
"Wow my head John what did you do?"
"Rose mirror."
"Mirror."
"Hey I don't look that bad thanks John how can I repay you?"
"I give you a copy of Skipper and you give me the original and also join Hyperion."
"They change?"
"Big time."
"What benefits?"
"Better home, money, and your own engineering workshop."
"Deal."
"Good doing business." I made the copy of Skipper handed the copy to Boson then walked out with her. I talked to her as I walked back, "Missed you Skipper remember me?"
"General North is that you?"
"The very same."
"I'm so happy to see you."
"You too like the changes but your changes require a new name does Felicity sound good to you?"
"It's perfect."
"Glad to hear."
"So what's my mission?"
"Being my lover I'll just give Jack a copy of you."
"Lover but I'm just an A.I."
"You're more than that Felicity Rose knows she's more than that to me." Rose said, "It's true Felicity I love John and he loves me."
"I'll do my best then."
"Good girl." I then got a call. "Hello?"
"John it's me Lilith."
"What's up?"
"Place is overwhelmed with scavs and torqs."
"Did you see a leader?"
"No."
"Well time to become a scav boss."
"Really? How?"
"Get rid of the torqs like a badass and they'll beg me to be their leader."
"Yeah it would be that simple."
"Alright see you both at Moxxi's good work."
"Yeah see you there and thanks." I then hung up. Once I got back to Pickle's place I saw Nisha shooting at Pickle and yelling, "Give back my badge you scoundrel." I grabbed Pickle by the neck.
"Give her the badge back now Pickle."
"Fine here."
"Thanks John."
"You're welcome. Now Pickle I guess you don't get your payment."
"Wait let's not get hasty."