Broken

Under her skin...

Its been 5 years since the last time I saw my dad alive and it still hurts to this day just the thought of his last blessing on the day of my 12ve birthday and the next day finding out that he was gone forever... All my hopes and dreams of having him at my college graduation were flushed down the drain as well as having him walking me down the aisle on my wedding day. It was cheesy at first but i thought it was every little girls dream. Missing him has been an every day routine, even the smell of nicotine reminds me of him and makes me fall hard in a deppression state that nobody can pull me out of.... Every year on his day my mind returns to that last night when i saw him in that hospital bed with tubes thru his ribs and weak... being completely different from the strong man i loved to walk and spend my entire days with. My chest starts contracting and my throat starts to burn and hurt as i try my best not to cry and try to choke my screams of pain, hurt and heartbreak. Not believing he's gone and that i would never have the chance to hug him every morning. So i did the complete opposite of what most people do... I did'nt  move on... I kept dweling on my pain. I started to push myself away from those that mattered the most to me and started to spend time with those that will never take interest on my wellbeing. Partying, drinking, loosing sleep and skipping college classes was my everyday routine, not because i wanted to, but because i felt comfort to the emptyness that would forever lie within my hollowed soul. But little did i know that soon things would change and never be the same....