Dear You,
About the job I tell you, I’m still waiting. Each day is killing me. Do you think I look stupid? I really wanted that job. They say that if it’s not meant for me, move on. How can I move on? Please tell me. Oh. That’s right. Your just here to read, if you are still reading this then thank you! I’m really grateful. At least I know that someone is still with me. Hey you, thank you for this. Reading my tantrums if this is what you call it. Back to the first topic, I know I’m whining. I just can’t get this feeling get out of my system. The guilt is eating me. Guilt for not finding a job, guilt for not helping my mother, guilt for being a disappointment in the family, my life is not a fairytale but I wish it does so I can have a magic. Magic - a delightful, thrilling, wonderful, enchanting, captivating, lovely, charming, astonishing, breath taking, a life that only exist in my imagination. I always imagine that I have powers or I’m a princess that is lost and I need to get back to my palace. I wish that this reality of mine is the fantasy, a dream that I need to wake up for and when I’m awake my fantasy is my reality. The problems would go away. It’s my escape to this world, to the problem I needed to run away. To the heartache I’m feeling. In my dream, I’m strong, I can face anything and I can make people happy and I’m wanted, love and adore. But sadly, it’s just my make believe. I wake up every time feeling the pang of disappointment. I try to pray to God to give me a sign. I don’t believe in signs but I tried. I said, God please give me a sign if I will wait or forget. I don’t know what sign I’m asking but I’m hoping a sign would appear. It’s worth a shot. But I feel like I’m being stupid even though it increase my hope. I really do hope they text me. All I can do is hope and wait, that maybe this someday I mention to you is now. I hope they text me, if not now then later, if not later, Then tomorrow, if not tomorrow then later than tomorrow. I know I do sound pathetic and stubborn at the same time. What can I say? I never lose hope. Never say never! I still have 3 remaining days to wait. Even this feeling is taking my confidence away I still have faith in God. He never leaves me hanging. I know He has great plans for me. Although I’m losing faith, I’m holding to a little of it. Even if I have a little chance I’m still holding to the little faith that is left. I just wish this feeling would go away. This feeling is my weakness and a hindrance to reach my goal. I just have to hold onto faith. I need to think good vibes right? Just good vibes! Never let the bad vibes win. Never lose to darkness and always follow the path of light even if it’s rocky or rough path. I hope my wish will come true and I can be strong physically and mentally so I can fight this confusion in my head.
Me
