My life

I Deserve Better 5/29/19

I'm so tired of being treated like this. Like nobody cares about me or even wants to talk to me. Like I'm just the last thought in everyone's mind. Like I'm just like every other person on this earth. I deserve better, so why don't I let go?

My first relationship started about 4 months ago, but I wouldn't consider this my first if we're being honest. That's a different story though. I initially didn't like him, but after spending time with him I realized I did. He's really a great guy when he tries to be, but he can also be my least favorite person when he doesn't give a shit. 

He's selfish if we're being honest. He always wants his way and he always gets it. We let him get it. He wanted me and I let him have me, but now that he has me, I'm just something old to him. I guess that's what happens when you get everything you want and nobody ever stops you from getting it. Once you get what you want, you have to move on to the next best thing. 

I just want someone that will put as much into me as I do into them. It's not that hard. I want someone that will be happy to have me and wants to spend their time with me. Is that too much to ask? I guess it is. I'm just starting to feel like everything is my fault, but at the end of the day I know it isn't. I don't need someone to build me up. I just need someone that loves me just as much as I love them. 

I would've left a long time ago, but the truth is, I don't want to. I wish he would just change the way he's been acting and things would go back to the way they used to be. I wish I didn't have to chase him around to get his attention. I either stay and get pushed around all the time or leave and never see him again. There's not a right answer, but there needs to be one. I guess I just need to realize I can't fix him, I can only fix me.