It Always Rains In August

Chapter 10

I hold my breath for the entirety of dinner. Okay, that's a lie, I hold my breath for about a minute and a half. If it were humanly possible for me to hold my breath for that long I would. Dinner is unbelievably uncomfortable, not because Noah or his mother is being particularly awkward or uncomfortable, it's because I am. Noah's mother, Mrs. Miller, is really sweet she reminds me of how my mother used to be and she's been desperately trying to make conversation with me, but I've been too concentrated on my almost kiss with her son. How do you act natural after something like that? I look over at Noah, he's just eating and acting as if nothing happened. Maybe I'm the only one who felt that moment or maybe I read the situation wrong because he doesn't look bothered at all. I can't take this anymore, I have to leave right now. I gulp down the rest of my food as quickly as I can, almost chocking once or twice from eating so fast and when I'm done I abruptly stand up from table receiving weird looks from Noah and his mother. They're only about halfway finished with their food.

"I have to go." I say sounding more frantic than I would want.

"Right now?" Noah asks me sounding confused by my sudden franticness.

"Honey, are you sure?" Mrs. Miller asks me in that soothing motherly tone that I wish my mother still had. It puts me off guard for a second, but I quickly regain my composure.

"Yes, I have to get home and help my mother with something." I lie. I feel really guilty for lying to Noah and his mother, but I have to leave right now or I'll explode.

"Okay, Noah why don't you walk your friend out?" No. No. NO! Noah doesn't seem to notice my distress because he nods and gets up from the table to walk me out. We walk from the kitchen to the front door in complete silence. When we get to the door stops walking and I do the same. I hope he isn't going to talk about what happened, I hope he never talks about what happened. I clear my throat to grab his attention, the sooner we get this over with the sooner I can leave and never think about this again. Noah inhales deeply and then exhales just as intensely. I try my hardest to keep my breathing normal so he doesn't notice my uneasiness. I expect Noah to say something, but he doesn't. He just mumbles a quick "bye" as he opens the door for me. I start walking out even though I want to say something, I want to turn back around and ask him for some reassurance. But I don't, I just say "bye" back, put my head down and keep walking.

I walk straight home and I don't stop walking until I get to my bedroom. I lay face down on my bed, not even bothering to take my shoes or jacket off. I get a few minutes of peace then I hear footsteps approaching my room, I already know who it is.

"Autumn, I don't want to talk to you. Leave me alone." I mumble into the pillow.

"It's not Autumn." This makes me jump up in shock, it's my dad. He stands at my door looking more tired than I've ever seen him. His hair and his clothes are a mess and he has a plate of pizza in his hand. He stands stiffly at my door as if he's not sure if he's welcome here or not. There was a time when he would just walk in and sit on my bed to chat. It used to annoy me back then, but I would kill for that now.

"I don't know if you've eaten yet or not," He says clearing his throat and holding the plate out to me, "but here is some leftover pizza, if you want."

"I already ate."

"Oh, well that's fine. I'll just put it away for later if you get hungry."

"Okay." Is all I say back, I don't really know what's happening right now. I haven't really spoken to my parents in a while, besides the basic; "Hi, how are you?" "Fine." "Great." I don't think that counts though. I'm kind of just staring at my father standing there, I can tell that he's just as uncomfortable as I am. If both people are uncomfortable during a conversation do you stop talking or just power through it? I really hope it's the former and not the latter, but then dad starts talking again.